Donatello and the Swede Syndrome
by Goddess of Idun
Summary: Chapter 20 up! Didn't see that one coming, did you? Donny gets electrocuted and loses his memory. The others must help him recover, but it's hard, since Don thinks he's Swedish! Voted SECOND BEST PARODY in the TMNT Fanfiction Competition 2006.
1. And so it begins

**Donatello and the Swede Syndrome**

Disclaimer: I OWN THE TMNT! BWAHAHAHAHA! notices angry lawyers, readers and people from Mirage approaching with torches and pitchforks Eh… um… can't you take a joke? I was just kidding, sorry! Really, I… what are you doing with that very pointy and scary object? I said I was sorry! AAAAHHHHRRGGHHHHHH! uses her more or less almighty author powers to vanish in a puff of smoke

This idea came to me when I read the story _Amnesia_ by the author **M-T**. I can recommend that one.

This story's rated K+ because of swearing, in both Swedish and English.

All Swedish phrases will get a number **1 **which will be translated in the end of the chapter. If you don't have the energy to scroll up and down the whole time, why don't you try read through the whole chapter and try 'guessing' what Donny's saying? ;) When you're finished, read the translations. But maybe that little advice won't work for you, in that case, never mind me.

On with the story!

**Chapter 1: And so it Begins…**

Raph sat in the TV couch, waiting impatiently for Don to fix the television. "Hurry up, Donny! The match starts in ten minutes!"

"I _know _that, Raph. Strange as it may sound, it's quite hard to forget when you remind me every tenth second. And anyway, it isn't my fault, but Mike's!" answered Don irritated. "He's the one that broke it, not me."

"What?" said Mike innocently. "You always say that you don't get to know anything if you don't experiment a little."

"Sure, but by 'experiment a little' I didn't mean 'investigate what happens when you pour orange juice into the TV, and then add some flour, just for the fun of it'. Especially when _I'm _the one that has to clean it up. It's gross."

"Okay, I'm sorry," said Mikey. Don didn't really believe him – the reason he said it was probably because Raph had pounced on him and now pinned him to the floor. Mikey gulped. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Don sighed. "Yeah, come here and keep these wires away from the spots I'm trying to clean."

Raph released Mikey, who went to Donny and took the wires his older brother reached to him. "Right. So, I'll just hold them so that they're not in your way?"

"Exactly. Just don't put them against each other; it might go electricity through them."

"What, you mean like this?"

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Blue and white electricity bolts flashed through Donny's body – Raph and Mike could even see his skeleton!

"DONNY!"

They both rushed forward and fell to their knees beside their purple-clad brother, which now lay motionless on the floor.

"Donny! Don, say somethin'! Please, _please _don't be dead!" Raph frantically felt Don's wrist, trying to find a pulse. "Mike, get Leo and Splinter! Now!" Mike raised and ran out of the room.

Raph sighed relieved when he felt Donny's pulse, and even got a smile on his face when Don stirred and groaned. "Donny? How do you feel?"

Donny sat up and looked around while grimacing from the pain.

"Var är jag?" (**1)**

Raph looked at him, confused. "Huh?"

"Jag sa, var är jag?" (**2)** He turned to Raph and stared at him. "Och vem är du?" **(3)**

"Um, Don? Are you alright?"

"Var snäll och svara på frågorna, och prata ordentligt. Förresten vet jag inte vem jag själv är. Vet du det?" **(4)**

Raph stared at his older brother and opened his mouth, but before he got time to say anything, the rest of the family entered the room.

"Donatello!" gasped Splinter. "Are you okay?"

Donny looked at him and his face broke into an astonished smile. "Titta, en jätteråtta. Häftigt!" **(5)**

Splinter, Mike and Leo stared. "Raph, what happened to him?" asked Leo.

"I dunno! He got all that electricity through his body, and then he started speakin' like this. He didn't seem to recognize me. Either he's playin' a bad joke on us, or somethin' is seriously wrong with that guy!"

"Maybe he is a little dizzy because of the shock," said Splinter. "Let us get him into bed, so that he can get some rest."

"Right."

They turned to the spot where Don had been, but he wasn't there anymore.

"Where did he go?"

Right then, they heard someone humming in the kitchen. _"Så tar man lite köttfärs… och blandar i en gnutta peppar… och så lite salt… salt efter behag… efter behag… efter beha-a-ag!" _**(6)**

When they reached the kitchen, they stared at the sight before them. There was Donny, strutting around wearing their chef's hat and the pink apron that Mikey had gotten Raph for Christmas last year (Of course, Raph had never touched it after he discovered what it was). He was rolling meatballs which he put in the frying pan, and they could see that he'd put some potatoes in a pot on the stove. He noticed them staring. "Jag gör köttbullar med potatis, brunsås och lingonsylt. Det kommer att bli delikat! Konstigt ställe. Bor ni här? Och var sjutton har ni lingonsylten?" **(7)**

"Now, this is just plain freaky," said Mike, still staring at his second oldest brother.

Raph took a few steps forward, put his hands on Don's shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. "C'mon Don, snap out of it! And drop that silly what-ever-it-is mumbo jumbo."

Don frowned. "Jag förstår inte."** (8)**

Then, he spotted a newspaper on the table. The purple-masked turtle rushed forward and picked it up, whereupon he studied a photograph of a man and a woman (both clad in quite fancy clothes) stepping out of a limousine which was decorated with small flags in blue and yellow. The picture caption read: _King Carl XVI Gustav and Queen Silvia visited the UN Headquarters during their official visit in the USA. _

Donatello's eyes widened and he gasped. He didn't seem to be able to read the words, but apparently he recognized the persons on the picture. "Kungen och drottningen!" **(9) **He put one hand on his heart and started singing. Unfortunately, Don had no musical talent whatsoever and couldn't sing to save his life. He sounded like a dying cow.

"_Du gamla, du fria, du fjällhöga nord, Du tysta, du glädjerika sköna…"_ **(10)**

… And that's when Raphael knocked him out. Splinter, Raph, Leo and Mike watched as the purple-clad ninja sank to the floor.

"Now he's restin'," Raph said. Splinter frowned.

"I think I might have a clue about that gibberish he spoke." Leo picked up the newspaper. "He got all weird – well, weirder – when he saw these guys," he pointed to the picture, "so they might have something to do with it. According to the article, they're, like, Swedish royalty or something."

"Are you tryin' to tell us that Donny's gone Scandinavian?" Raphael raised an eye ridge.

"Well, do you have a better idea?"

"Yeah Raph, can't see you coming up with something," agreed Michelangelo.

"We do have some dictionaries from the dump," Splinter said. "Maybe there is something we could use to at least try to understand what Donatello's saying. I think that I have seen a Swedish one… or maybe it was Norwegian or Danish. From what I have heard, those languages are quite similar."

"Maybe he's gone normal from when Raph hit him on the head," Mike said hopefully.

"And maybe not," said Leo. "I'll take a look and see if I can find a dictionary that will suit us, Sensei." He left the kitchen.

Splinter studied his son on the floor and sighed. "Michelangelo, Raphael, take him to his room." The two reptiles bowed, picked up their unconscious brother and carried him out of the kitchen. The rat pinched the space between his eyes – he could feel a headache coming on. This just wasn't one of his days.

* * *

Yes, I know it was short. Next chapter will be longer. Now, behold the translations below!

**1.** Where am I?

**2.** I said, where am I?

**3.** And who are you?

**4.** Please answer my questions, and speak properly. By the way, I don't even know who _I_ am. Do you know that?

**5.** Look, a giant rat. Cool!

**6. **So you take some minced meat... and mixes with a little pepper… and some salt… as much salt as you desire… as you desire… as you desi-i-ire!

**7.** I'm cooking meatballs with potatoes, brown sauce and cowberry jam. It'll taste delicious! Weird place. Do you live here? And where the heck do you keep the cowberry jam?

**8. **I don't understand.

**9. **The king and the queen!

**10. **This is a small part of the national anthem of Sweden, _Du gamla Du fria _(_Thou ancient, Thou free_). For a translation, go to **http / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / National anthem of Sweden **(but leave out the spaces, of course. I put them here becausethis websitedoesn't always seem that friendly to Internet links – sometimes they just disappear.)


	2. Yellow buns and hysterical brothers

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but Mirage Studios does. Please don't sue.

Now, when I have your attention, I'd like you to do me, and Sweden, a favour. Visit my profile to see what it is. And don't forget to copy the bunny rabbit there to help him take over the world!

Oh, and by the way – some of the people that left reviews for chapter 1 were a little confused, since they didn't know how I know Swedish. Well, the answer is: I _am_ Swedish. Have been for all my life, and probably it'll never change. It even stands on my profile.

**IMPORTANT NOTE:** This fanfic will contain plenty of weird things about Sweden – at least, it might seem weird to all of you foreigners out there. So, I'll give you a tip about a website – **www . sweden . se** – which is very good, it clearly explains in what kind of country I sit and type down this little piece of art for your amusement. So, go visit that page. There are facts about Swedish food, our royalty, myths about us, environment, politics and other stuff. Send me a pm/e-mail if there's something you cannot find, and I'll try to help you out.

**Chapter 2: Yellow Buns and Hysterical Brothers**

Donatello woke up and yawned. "Jag känner mig utvilad," **(1) **he said to himself. "Jag undrar vad klockan är?" **(2)**

He spotted the alarm clock on his bedside table. 3:40 am. He frowned. "Jösses, inte mer? Jag är för pigg för att somna om. Vad ska jag göra nu då?" **(3)**

Then, he saw the calendar on the wall. It was opened on December. The dates 1-12 each had a big red X over them. Don gasped. "Det måste vara den trettonde december idag! Hur kunde jag glömma det? Och varför ligger jag här, jag har massor att göra!" **(4) **He dashed out of his room and into the kitchen.

Splinter woke up when his hyper-sensitive nose cached a smell that was completely new to him. Burnt popcorn? No. Michelangelo attempting to cook pasta again? No, not that one either. The mutated rat decided to investigate, put on his kimono and exited his room, where upon he almost collided with his second youngest son.

"Ah, good morning Raphael. I take it that this strange smell woke you up too?"

"Ya bet it did, Sensei. What's Mike done now?"

Before Splinter could answer, the mentioned turtle in orange showed up. Raph glared and advanced on him. Mikey started to back away.

"What did I do?"

"Well, that's what _I'd _like to know!" Raph said in a threatening tone. Fortunately for Mike, Splinter cleared his throat and Raphael decided not to kill his little brother for exposing his nostrils to this new odour.

Right then, Leo joined them. "Good morning Sensei, morning Raph, Mikey. What smells?" He sniffed the air, as the smell suddenly got stronger. Then they heard a sound from behind them, and looked up.

What they saw made them all wonder if they'd eaten some mouldy pizza last night, which now gave them hallucinations.

Donatello was slowly walking towards them. In his hands, he held a tray, on which lay gingerbread cookies in the shape of hearts and little men. There was also a plate full of buns that actually were yellow. And when I say yellow, I mean YELLOW. Yellow like the yellow paint Michelangelo had once used to write _'I love bunny rabbits' _on Raphael's shell when he was asleep. The buns had a weird shape that could be seen as cats, if you looked at them from the right angle.

But the most spectacular about the sight was Don himself. He wore a long white gown, and he'd tied a red ribbon around him instead of his belt. Some sort of crown, which held five burning candles, balanced on his head. He sang, horribly out of tune. _"Natten går tunga fjät, runt gård och stuva, kring jord som sol'n förlät, skuggorna ruva, då i vårt mörka hus, stiger med tända ljus, Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia!" _**(5) **

The eyes of his family members were as wide as plates, and their jaws almost hit the floor. At least, Mikey found his voice. "Geez, I knew he was mad, but I didn't know he was _nuts_."

Splinter abruptly turned and returned to his room. "I need to meditate on this."

Don reached his brothers, who still stood gaping at him. "Stäng munnarna innan några fåglar bestämmer sig för att bygga bo där," **(6)** he said merrily. "Och varför tar ni inte en lussebulle?" **(7) **Before they knew it, he'd stuffed a yellow bun into each of their open mouths.

Leo, Raph and Mikey all started choking, but managed to get the bread out of their mouths without too much trouble.

"What the hell is this?" Raph exclaimed and glared at the Yellow Bun of Doom. Leonardo looked quizzically at his own bun, but Michelangelo took a tentative bite. His face brightened. "Hey, this stuff is good!"

He wolfed the bun down in about two seconds. Donatello gave him another one with a smile. Raph, on the other hand, threw his over his shoulder. "There is NO WAY IN HELL I'm going to eat that." And with that, he stormed off to his room and slammed the door shut.

Donny looked at him with a disappointed frown. He turned to Leo with begging eyes. "Du kan väl _smaka _i alla fall?" **(8)**

Leo didn't understand the words, but Don's body language spoke clearly enough. He hesitantly nibbled on his bun, and was on his way to say something nice, or at least smile a bit, when he got a closer look at the strange object on Donny's head. Leonardo's eyes widened and he spitted the yellow crumbs out.

"MY MEDITATION CANDLES! YOU'VE GOT MY MEDITATION CANDLES ON YOUR HEAD!"

He lunged for his brother, who jumped back with a squeak. Mikey grabbed Leo in mid-air, tackled him to the floor and sat on him to stop Leo from making the mistake of his life. "Leo! Calm down, for Pete's sake! Take it cool!"

But the leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was in no mood to calm down. "Let me at him, Mike! He's gonna pay!" He sent Don a furious glare. "DIE CANDLE-NAPPER!"

Don, horrified, stared at the crazy turtle on the floor. Mike started waving to him to make him leave the room, and he wasn't late to obey. He darted back against his bedroom, but tripped over the white gown. If Don had been his normal self, he simply would've made some kind of cool ninja move and regained his balance without losing a second, but now he fell flat on his beak. "Aj!" **(9)**

Michelangelo would have slapped his own forehead in desperation, if he hadn't been busy keeping Leo down. All he could do now was to groan. He watched as Don scrambled to his feet, disappeared into his room and locked the door.

"He's gone now, Leo. He's gone. Take it easy, okay?" he said soothingly, trying to stop Leo from getting hysterical – well, more hysterical than he already was.

"I wa-hant to ki-ki-kill him!" Leo's panting started to change into sobs and hiccups. Mike got off of him, now when the immediate danger seemed to be over.

"I know you want to, Leo." He helped his oldest brother to the couch, sat down beside him and patted his hand comfortingly. "I know you want to."

"He to-took m-my ca-andles!"

"Yes, he took your candles, but I'm sure he didn't mean any harm."

"But he pu-put fi-fire to them!"

The youngest turtle had never before seen his brother lose control like this. He'd never even seen him cry. This was so not Leo. It almost scared Mike to see him like this. _'Who knew that Donny taking his meditation candles would make him go off like that?' _he thought. "But you have _more_ candles, Leo. You have _more_ candles. And you know what? I'll personally help you get some new ones, instead of those that Don put fire to. How does that sound?" He smiled encourageingly.

Leo looked at him and stopped crying. "You really mean that, Mikey?"

"Yes, I really mean that."

Mike's eyes widened when Leo threw his arms around him. "Oh Mike, you're the best brother in the whole wide world!"

"Eh… no problem, bro."

Meanwhile, in Don's bedroom, the olive-green turtle sat on the bed and tried to figure out how everything could go so wrong, just like that. _'Jag blev faktiskt nöjd med de där lussebullarna. Killen i orange verkade också gilla dem. Varför blev han i blått så upprörd?' _**(10)**_ 'Folket här är verkligen underliga!' _**(11)**

* * *

I bet you're wondering what on Earth Donny's doing, eh? Well, there is this Swedish tradition, Lucia, which we celebrate the 13th of December each year. If you go to **www . sweden . se / templates / cs / Common Page 11421 . aspx **(There are four underlines between 'Page' and '11421' though!) you might understand it a little better. 

**1.**I feel thoroughly rested.

**2.**Wonder what time it is?

**3.**Geez, not more? I'm feel too alerted to go back to sleep. What to do now?

**4.**It must be the 13th of December today! How could I forget? And why am I lying here, I've got tons of things to do!

**5.**This is a song, as far as I know it doesn't exist in English and there is no chance in hell that I'd be able to translate it properly. Sorry. It's called _Natten går tunga fjät _or simply _The Lucia song. _

**6.**Close your mouths before some birds decide to nest in them.

**7.**And why don't you have a saffron bun?

**8.**Can't you at least _try_ it?

**9.**Ouch!

**10.**I actually got satisfied with those saffron buns. The guy in orange seemed to like them too. Why did the one in blue get so upset?

**11.**These people really are strange!

I cut my left thumb quite deep the other day when I was attacking a defenceless apple with a kitchen knife, and it bled like hell (I had to change plaster twice within twenty minutes!). It doesn't hurt that much now, but still, a kind review would make me feel better… (hint, hint)

Idun


	3. Katanas are dangerous toys

Disclaimer: Do we really have to go through this again? I. Do. Not. Own. Them. So. There.

**Chapter 3: Katanas are Dangerous Items**

Later, when Mikey had gotten the plans concerning obliterating Don out of Leo's head, Splinter decided that it was time to start helping Donatello get his memory back.

"If we all work together, I am sure that we will gain victory," he told his sons. "Leonardo, where did you put the dictionary?"

Leo drew weird patterns on the floor with his toes and didn't meet his father's eyes. "Well, about that… I'm afraid we've got a small problem."

"What do you mean?"

"In short, I couldn't find it."

Splinter raised his furry eyebrows. "But I am sure that there was a dictionary…"

Suddenly, Mike snapped his fingers. "Of course! How could I forget? April borrowed it the other day. You know, she's visiting her aunt in, like, Iowa – or was it Idaho?" he scratched his head with a thoughtful expression.

"Neither," said Leonardo. "It was North Dakota." Raph rolled his eyes.

Mike shrugged. "Whatever. Anyway, her aunt's new fiancée is German, and April wanted to practise some Swedish since she thought that those languages are pretty much the same…"

"And you're tellin' us that _now!" _Raphael glared at him. "Why didn't ya say so _yesterday?_"

"Um… I forgot?" Michelangelo knew that Raph wouldn't try to hurt him in front of Master Splinter, so he wasn't very afraid. None the less, he used one of his best 'I'm innocent-looks'.

"We just have to do it the hard way then," Splinter sighed. "We better start at once."

He knocked at Donny's door. "Hello?"

Don opened the door, just a slit though. He peered at them. "Vad vill ni?" **(1)**

Splinter gestured for him to come out. When Don hesitated, he gave his son an encouraging smile. That seemed to make Don feel a little braver, and he carefully stepped out, while casting nervous looks at Leo.

Splinter pointed to himself. "Master Splinter."

Raphael rolled his eyes (again). "Please…" Splinter gave him a Look, and he shut up.

The old rat pointed to his other sons: "Leonardo… Raphael… Michelangelo."

"But you can call me Mikey, dude!" shouted Mike. Don raised an eye ridge.

At last, Splinter gestured to Don himself. "Donatello."

Donatello seemed to have catched on. He pointed to Splinter. "Raphael."

"No!" Splinter shaked his head. "Master Splinter."

Don nodded, and placed a hand on his own plastron. "Master Splinter."

"And he's supposed to be the smart one," muttered Raph.

Don gestured towards Leo; "Donatello…" then towards Raph; "Michelangelo…" then towards Mikey; "Leonardo…" and so towards Master Splinter again: "Raphael." He smiled proudly, satisfied with being able to learn the names of these people so quickly.

Mentally, four family members banged their heads against the wall.

* * *

After 17 (unsuccessful) long minutes of attempting to get Don to remember, Splinter decided that the name thing could wait and that they should try something else instead.

"Come with me," he said to his son. He took three steps, then sensed that something was wrong. He turned around.

Donatello hadn't moved from his spot, just stared at him.

Splinter slapped his own forehead, went back and took the purple-clad turtle's hand. He then led his son down the stairs, with Mikey, Leo and Raph following. Donny didn't seem to mind.

"I think that we should try to fresh up his memory when it comes to ninjitsu," Splinter said. "Leonardo, draw your katanas and let him have a look at them."

Leo drew his katanas. Don jumped back. "Herregud! Såna där saker är ju farliga! Folk kan göra sig illa! Hur kan du bara gå omkring med dom sådär, är du inte klok?" **(2)** He glared at Leo. "Lägg undan dom innan du skär dig!" **(3)**

When Leo just looked at him quizzically, he lifted his hands in an exasperated gesture. "Fårskalle! Om du vägrar göra dig av med dom, så får jag väl göra det själv!" **(4)**

And before Leo, or anyone else for that matter, could say 'pepperoni pizza', Don had snatched up the katanas and rushed out into the sewers.

"Hey!" Leo shouted and ran after him, followed by Raph and Mike.

Splinter just stared after them. "Maybe this is a fitting occasion to meditate," he said to himself, and went to get some candles, but found that Leonardo had moved all the remaining candles from the cupboard, in case Donatello would decide to use them for something freaky again. _'Hm,' _the rat thought and frowned, _'I find meditating _with _candles strengthens my aura better than meditating _without_ them. What else do we have that could fit?'_

* * *

Meanwhile, Leo, Raph and Mike were on a wild chase after their normally brainy brother. (Well, maybe he still was brainy, but in another way, if you get my point.)

"Where… did… he… go?" panted Michelangelo, as they stopped at a place where the tunnel parted in three.

"Let's split up," said Leo. "Raph, you go left, Mike, you go right, and I'll keep on forward." Since Leo always was perfect – except for when he turned into a nervous wreck because of his meditation candles – he wasn't even out of breath. "Does everyone have their shell-cells?"

"Yeah."

"Yup."

"Good. We'll meet up here in half an hour. The one that finds him calls the others. He cannot be far away. Okay? Go!"

They parted and went their different ways.

* * *

Donatello quickly walked down the tunnel. _'Jag kan slå vad om att dom är efter mig,' _**(5) **he thought._ 'Jag kan känna det i magen. Min mage har alltid rätt.' _**(6)**

He stopped and listened. Not a sound. He took a look (AN: Hey, that rhymed!) at the swords in his hands. _'Så otroligt dumt. Springa omkring med såna här slaktarknivar! Man behöver bara slinta och plötsligt är man en arm fattigare. Vilken tur för de där konstiga typerna att jag dök upp och tog hand om dom här mordverktygen. De vet inte sitt eget bästa. Jag måste ha ett allvarligt snack med dem.' _**(7)**

He spotted some sort of niche in the sewer wall. "A-ha! Ett perfekt gömställe!" **(8) **He lay Leo's katanas in the hole in the wall and put a couple of bricks in front of them. "Han hittar dem aldrig här." **(9) **

Right then, the owner of the swords came running 'round the corner. "Donatello!"

Don nodded and gestured to Leo. "Ja, det är du." **(10)**

The blue-clad turtle rolled his eyes. "Where are my katanas?"

When Don didn't answer, just looked at him quizzically, Leo turned his back to him and gestured to the scabbards on his shell.

"Åh, du menar svärden?" **(11) **Donny crossed his arms and gave Leo a stubborn look. "Det är alldeles för farliga leksaker för en sköldpadda i din ålder. Jag har gömt dem. Du får tillbaka dem när du blir äldre." **(12)**

Leonardo seemed to understand that he wouldn't get his prized possessions back so easy. He decided to use a different approach – the 'Michelangelo Method'. He smiled his most charming smile, clasped his hands and gave Don a pleading look, hoping that his brother would get the message even though he didn't understand the words: "Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please…"

Since the Michelangelo Method was one of the few things Leo just couldn't grasp, he didn't get the effect he wished for (if Mikey had done it, it's fully possible that Don would have handed over the katanas in two seconds flat). Instead of softening up and giving Leo his swords, Don got the impression that his older brother was having an attack of some sort. As the friendly being he was, he decided to put Leo out of his misery by knocking him unconscious. Leo sank to the ground, just as Donny himself had done the day before.

The purple-clad reptile shaked his head as he swung Leo over his shoulder and started his way back to the lair. "Jag har sagt det förr, jag säger det igen, de här typerna är så underliga!" **(13)**

* * *

This story's not meant to portray Sweden or Swedes. For example, I doubt that it's typically Swedish to flip out over a couple of swords and then hide them. If my sister was given the opportunity to examine a pair of katanas, she would be ecstatic and I'd have to literally drag her away from there. And in case you're wondering, German isn't that similar to Swedish. I don't get much at all when I hear someone speak German. April will have quite some problems trying to understand her aunt's fiancée by using that Swedish dictionary… ;)

**1. **What do you want?

**2. **My god! Those things are dangerous! People can get hurt! How can you just walk around with them like that, are you insane?

**3. **Put them away before you cut yourself!

**4. **Moron! If you refuse to get rid of them, I'll do it myself!

**5. **I can bet they're after me.

**6. **I can feel it in my gut. My gut's always right.

**7. **How incredibly stupid. Run around with butcher knives like these! You just have to slip and suddenly you're one arm poorer. How lucky for those weird types that I showed up and took care of these murder tools. They don't know their own good. I must have a serious talk with them.

**8. **Ah-ha! A perfect hiding place!

**9. **He'll never find them here.

**10. **Yes, that's you.

**11. **Oh, you mean the swords?

**12. **Those toys are too dangerous for a turtle your age. I've hidden them. You'll get them back when you grow older.

**14. **I've said it before, I say it again, these people are so strange!

My thumb feels so much better now, thanks to the reviews you left!

Until next time,

Idun


	4. A simple game of ice hockey

Happy Easter everyone (yes, I know it's a bit late)! Sorry for not updating sooner, but I was dragged out to our cottage by my "beloved" parents, which meant No Computer. But now I'm back!

Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT. I do not own the national ice hockey teams of Sweden or the US either. (Honestly, if I did, do you think that I'd be here by now, writing pointless fanfics for your amusement? I'd be in London or Canada or Ireland or Australia (so? Those are the places I'd love to go to!), spending my fortune on more or less necessary things like my own personal harem with tons of sexy boys and… eh… okay, I'll shut up now.)

**Chapter 4: A Simple Game of Ice Hockey**

Don entered the lair and heaved Leo off his shoulder and onto the couch, handling his older brother as if he was a sack of potatoes. Splinter heard it and came out from the bathroom, where he had been dipping new candles in the bathtub.

"My sons?" When he saw Leo on the couch, he rushed forward and sat down beside him. "Leonardo? Are you alright?" When his oldest son didn't answer, the rat turned to his second oldest and gave him a quizzical look.

"Han fick något sorts anfall och började rabbla nonsensord samtidigt som han fick ett lätt besatt utseende," **(1) **Don explained. "Jag bestämde mig för att göra något åt det innan han gjorde sig själv illa." **(2)**

Of course, Splinter didn't get one word, so Don decided to use body language. He pointed to Leo, clasped his hands, smiled and started babbling. Since he didn't exactly remember the words, he just said: "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…"

Splinter raised en eyebrow, but barely had time to open his mouth before he was interrupted by Leo's shell-cell.

"BEEP – BEEP – BEEP – BEEP – BEEP –"

Don reached for the phone, but Splinter was faster. He didn't really know what would happen if Donny answered, but he was sure that it wouldn't be anything good. He picked up the phone and pressed the red button. "Hello?"

"_Master Splinter?" _he heard a surprised Raphael say at the other end of the line.

"Yes, it is me."

"_What're ya doin' with Leo's phone? Is everythin' alright? We were supposed to meet up ten minutes ago! Leo's never late! Even Mikey's here!"_

"Leonardo is in the lair now. Something seems to have happened that was not a part of your plan."

"_Wha' do ya mean?"_

"Donatello brought him in five minutes ago. He is unconscious."

"_Unconscious?" _Here Splinter heard someone mumbling in the background, and then Raph's voice: _"Shell, Mikey, I dunno what's goin' on! I was on my way to ask, but how can I do that with you hangin' ovah my shoulder?" _Then a muffled _"Ow, Raph! Brother abuse!"_

"_Sorry, Master Splinter," _came Raphael's voice again. _"Mikey was bein' a total idi– I mean, he said somethin' stupid."_

"M-hm."

"_Could ya explain that thing ya said 'bout Leo bein' out cold?"_

"Well, I heard a sound and entered the living area just in time to see Donatello put Leonardo on the couch. When I tried to ask him about what had happened, he said something in Swedish and then started behaving _very _strange…"

"_Ya know what? By some reason, I ain't surprised," _Raph sighed. _"Did they have Leo's katanas with 'em?" _

Splinter looked around, but saw no katanas. "I am afraid not. You and Michelangelo can come home though. There is no need to search for the swords at the moment. I shall take care of that."

"_Sure, Sensei. We're on our way."_

Leo woke up five minutes later. He groaned and held his head. "Unh… what happened?" He opened his eyes and spotted Donatello, who sat on the floor painting a portrait of Carl von Linné using Mikey's watercolours. He whistled on something unmusical while adding about three decilitres of red paint to the picture, which now more resembled a catastrophe area than Carl von Linné. Not that it had had much of a resemblance to Linné in the first place… (AN: For more info about that dude, look at the end of the chapter.)

"Don!"

His brother stopped whistling and looked up. "Åh, du är vaken! Jag började nästan bli orolig. Hur känns det?" **(3) **

Leo checked the scabbards that lay on the coffee table – Splinter had taken them off his back – and noticed that his katanas weren't there. He looked at his younger brother accusingly. Donatello understood what Leo was thinking about, crossed his arms and put on that 'I-know-what's-good-for-you-look' again. "Åh nej, du får inte tillbaka dom. Vänta en åtta tio år, det dör du inte av." **(4) **

Leo got the message and wasn't very happy, and things might have gotten violent, if it hadn't been for Raph and Mikey who entered the lair in that moment.

"Hey, what's up?" asked Raph, but before Leo could answer, Mikey discovered what Don was doing.

"My watercolours!" He rushed forward and snatched his beloved possessions from his older brother. He put them down on the coffee table next to Leo's scabbards, where upon he saw that he now was out of yellow, green, red and black. "NO!" He pulled his bandana tails in despair.

The usually laid-back and happy turtle was royally pissed off. He swirled and pointed to Don with a shivering finger. "You. YOU! You stole my watercolours!"

Now it was Leo's and Raph's turn to save the brainy turtle from getting killed in a slow and painful way. They used the same method that Mike had used on Leo the other day – they simply pretended that their youngest brother was a couch.

"Deja-vu," said Raphael. "I've seen this situation before."

"How?" asked Leo, and shifted his weight to hold down his struggling baby brother better. "You weren't even in the room when he took my candles."

"Oh, I opened my door a little and peeked at ya." Raph smirked. "Which means that I also saw your little emotional breakdown."

Leo's eyes widened. "I don't know what you're talking about," he gulped.

"I think ya do. And another thing – ya remembah that video camera Don got for me for my birthday? I decided only to use it for special occasions… and if yesterday's event doesn't count as a special occasion, I dunno what does." Raph looked at his oldest brother with an evil glint in his eyes.

Leo's eyes widened a bit more. "You didn't."

"Oh yes, I did."

"You cannot –"

In that moment, the entrance door opened and Casey Jones stepped in. "Yo, Raph! What do ya think 'bout dat ice hockey game yesterday?"

Raph looked confused. "What're ya talking 'bou – oh, ya mean _that_ game! Sorry, Case, but somethin' happened and I missed it."

"Ya did? Don't worry – I taped it. Ya see, my apartment got invaded by cockroaches an' I got to catch 'em all (AN: that sounded like Pokemon!), an' I understood dat I wouldn't get de time to see da match, so I taped it on DVD. Thought we could watch it here at your place."

Leonardo raised his hand. "Question: how did you manage to get your apartmentinvaded bycockroaches?"

Casey gave him a look that Leo knew all too well, and opened his mouth. Leo used his ninja speed to interrupt him. "On second thought, I don't want to know."

"Listen Case," Raph started. "T'is cool that ya taped it an' all, but the tv's broken again, and because of… eh… some _complications_, Don cannot fix it."

Casey raised an eyebrow. "Well, den we can use your computer instead." He looked around, and finally seemed to notice the positions they all were in – Leo and Raph sitting on an annoyed Mikey, and Don on the floor looking confused. "Eh… did I miss somethin' here?"

Raphael and Michelangelo both looked at Leonardo, their eyes saying 'You tell him.'

Leo stared back at them, sending out the message 'Why should I?'

His younger brothers' looks said 'You're the leader, it's your job.'

Leo sighed, resigned and told Casey the whole story about the electric shock, Don speaking gibberish, his weird performance in the white gown, the stealing of the candles and the katanas (here his face hardened), and the return of Raph and Mikey.

"… and Mike was going to kill Don, so we stopped him and that's when you came in."

Casey scratched his head – as we all know, he never was the brightest crayon in the box. "You're sayin'… that Donny thinks he's a Swede?"

The three turtles nodded.

"That's so cool!"

The three turtles blinked.

"'Cool'? What can you possibly find that is 'cool' with this?" asked Leo and frowned.

"I mean dat it's a cool coincidence. Dat match I taped – it's USA vs. Sweden!" Casey shook his head in wonder over the fact that Don had managed to turn into a Swede. Raph, Mikey and Leo shook their heads in wonder over Casey's stupidity. Don shook his head in wonder over nothing special.

Splinter entered the room. "Hello, Mr. Jones. What brings you here?"

"Hi, Master Splinter. I was going to watch a hockey match with Raph. Is dat okay with you?"

Splinter raised an eyebrow. "I do not see why not. Boys, I am on my way out to retrieve Leonardo's katanas. Try to behave while I am gone – and keep an eye on Donatello. I know that you are irritated with him, and that he has gotten a bad habit of stealing other people's possessions, but you must not forget that it is not his fault. Please make sure that he does not hurt himself."

"Yes, Sensei."

"Okay, Master Splinter."

"Got it."

Splinter left and Raph and Leo finally let Mikey go. The youngest turtle went to the kitchen to make some popcorn and Raph put Casey's DVD disc into the computer, which also worked as a DVD player. The sound of a screaming crowd filled the lair and caught the attention of Donatello. The purple-clad turtle went up to the big computer screen and gasped when he saw the hockey players entering the ice. "Åh, det är Tre Kronor!" **(5)** He sat down beside Casey on the couch.

13 minutes later, Mike Knuble from USA made the first goal. Casey and Raph shouted in joy, and Don glared at them. "Det där var bara en poäng. Innan ni vet ordet av, så kommer alla att ha en poäng!" **(6)**

And six minutes later, Peter Forsberg equalized with a nice shot that passed the goalkeeper Rick Di Pietro with a few inches. "JA! Härligt!" **(7) **Don jumped up and did a little victory dance. Raph and Casey acted very mature and stuck their tongues out at him.

As time went on, the excitement grew. Casey had a hard time sitting still, Raph's forehead glistened with sweat, and Donny was biting his nails.

The Swedish Henrik Sedin passed to his twin brother Daniel, but the puck was stopped between them by Jordan Leopold, who made USA's second goal. The goalkeeper Stefan Liv wasn't even close to catching the puck. Raph and Casey laughed and pointed, which got Don to see red. Before the vigilante and the hot-headed turtle knew it, they each got a shower of popcorn in their faces. "Hey!"

Raph and Casey each grabbed a cushion and started beating the living daylights out of Donatello, who retaliated by throwing even more popcorn on them. Leo had gone to meditate in his room and was in a deep trance at the moment so he couldn't stop them. Michelangelo had the time of his life at the sidelines. No one noticed when Samuel Påhlsson equalized again and the match ended up with the results 2-2.

"What is going on here?"

Everyone froze. Casey had Don in a headlock. Don was stuffing the human's face with popcorn. Raph looked as if he was going to bite Donny's leg.

Splinter gave them a reproaching look. "Did I not tell you to behave?"

"Sorry Master Splinter."

Leo came out from his room. "Sensei, you've got my katanas!" And sure enough – Splinter carried Leonardo's beloved swords. "How did you find them?"

"It was just a feeling I had. A true ninja is always able to find things using only his feelings."

"Really?" Mikey's eyes widened.

"Actually, no. I used my sense of smell. After all these years, your weapons do have a certain odour around them." Raphael, Leonardo and Michelangelo blushed. Casey put his hand over his mouth to keep himself from laughing. Splinter frowned. "It would not hurt if you polished them every once in a while."

The turtles could take a hint. "I'll get the polish, Sensei," said Raph and took off for the bathroom. There, he stepped on a soap, lost his balance and fell – and landed in the still hot, melted candle-grease…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Not one of my better chapters, I know. But hey, everything goes up and down!

Carl von Linné lived 1707-1778. He gave thousands of plants names in Latin and is one very famous Swede. He's on our 100-crown bill! For a picture of it, go to **http / web . telia . com / u 435 059 84 / b 100 cvl2 . html **(After 'http', put a colon and two slashes. Between the 'u' and the slash after 'com', there is this little sign which I don't know the name of but it looks like a reversed S that's fallen over. Hope that made sense to you. And as always, put out the spaces.)

To be honest, I couldn't care less when it comes to ice hockey. The only reason I know the names of the players is that I asked one of my best friends who knows everything on the subject. Thank you, Frida! (kisses the ground before Frida's feet)

**1. **He got some sort of attack and started babbling nonsense words as he got a slightly possessed look.

**2. **I decided to do something about it before he hurt himself.

**3. **Oh, you're awake! I was almost starting to get worried. How do you feel?

**4. **Oh no, you won't get them back. Wait about eight or ten years, you won't die from that.

**5. **Oh, it's Three Crowns! (AN: Three Crowns is the 'nickname' of Sweden's national hockey team. The ladies' team is called The Lady Crowns.)

**6. **That was just one point. Before you know it, we're all gonna have one point!

**7. **YES! Great!

Oh, and by the way, my thumb has healed up nicely now, no doubt thanks to your reviews!

Yours truly,

Idun


	5. Electric wires and Purple Dragons

Can you believe it? Today it was 7 degrees Celsius (44,6 degrees Fahrenheit) outside! Wow, summer really is on its way. I could ditch my mittens and cap when I went out for a walk. That's so cool!

Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, would you believe me? (readers nod) You're lying. (readers nod again) That's what I thought.

**Chapter 5: Electric Wires and Purple Dragons**

Splinter and Mikey had spent a good 20 minutes trying to get the hardened candle-grease off of Raphael's body. (Mikey had tried to cheer his big brother up by saying: "Look at it from the bright side, Raph – at least your skin has gone very smooth and soft!" It didn't work.) Donatello had found the whole thing pretty hilarious, but by now he had learned that the turtles had quite a temper so he retired to his room before letting out his giggles. He didn't leave his room until 17 minutes and 35 seconds later, when he thought it was safe. He set off for his workspace…

Meanwhile, the rest of the family were gathered around the kitchen table, trying to come up with a plan (Casey had left after Master Splinter gave hima Look). Apparently the ninjitsu thing didn't work.

"This is your entire fault, Mikey," mumbled Raph.

"What?" Mike leaned forward. "I can't hear you for that pounding sound. What is it, anyway?"

Leonardo looked out through the door. "Don's using a hammer and a nail to put up that picture on the wall."

"Yeah, the one he painted with my watercolours," grumbled Mike. "Anyway, what did you say, Raph?"

"I said _'this is your entire fault'_! If ya hadn't put those wires against each othah, none o' this would've happened!"

"Hey, how should I know that that would happen? A little electric sho–"

Leo snapped his fingers. "An electric shock! He got electrocuted and went mad! Maybe he'll go back to normal if we give him another shock! What do you think, Master Splinter? Can we?"

The three turtles looked expectantly at their Sensei, who until now had been quiet. He frowned before answering.

"A true ninja never uses the same tactic twice…"

In that moment, a roar of pain was heard from the living area. "AJ! Jädrar!" **(1)**

Leo looked out through the kitchen door again. "He hit his own thumb with the hammer."

Splinter sighed. "… but in this case, I am ready to make an exception."

They rose and walked out of the kitchen. Michelangelo had a hard time controlling his laughter when he saw his older brother jumping around with his right thumb in his mouth, moaning in pain. Splinter rushed to his son's aid with some bandage. "Here, let me help you."

"Tack, det var snällt," **(2) **Don said when his thumb was all bandaged up. He gave Splinter a grateful smile.

Mikey cleared his throat. "Do–" he started, but caught himself when he remembered that Donatello had gotten their names a bit wrong. "I mean, Master Splinter?"

Both Donny and the 'real' Master Splinter looked up. The furry one noticed pretty quickly, though, that he wasn't the one spoken to. He looked to the purple-clad turtle instead.

"Ja?" **(3)**

"Eh… television?" Mikey hoped that this word meant the same inboth languages. (AN: In fact, it does, although we pronounce it a little differently.)

Don lit up. "Visst, varför inte?" **(4) **

Leo pointed to the broken entertainment device. "There it is."

Donny came up to it and pressed the 'on'-button. He frowned. "Den funkar inte." **(5)**

Raph gesticulated for him to go round to the backside of the tv – his movement was a bit stiff, since there still was a thin layer of stearine left on his body. Don raised an eyebrow and did what Raph wanted him to do. He frowned again when he discovered the loose wires, the tools and the dirty rag he had used the day before. "Vad är det här?" **(6) **He picked up a couple of wires and stared at them, confused.

"NOW, MIKEY!" roared Leo and Raph. Mikey dived forward, took the two Wires of Doom and put them together.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Just as the day before, they could see blue and white electricity bolts flashing through Don's body. Splinter winced.

Leo, Raph and Mikey rushed to their brother, who groaned and opened his eyes.

"Don? Are you yourself again?" Mike asked hopefully.

Donatello glared at him. "Varför gjorde du sådär? Jag har väl inte gjort dig nånting! Det gjorde faktiskt ont! Sånt där kan man dö av!" **(7) **he spat out.

Splinter sighed, Leo slapped his own forehead, Raph slammed his right fist into his left palm, and Mike banged his head against the wall – for real this time, not only mentally.

* * *

"So, that didn't work," Leo said. They had gathered in the kitchen again, to work out a new strategy.

"No shit," mumbled Raph.

"Maybe we should make him do something that can get him to remember," Mikey suggested. "Something that he used to do often."

"We've already tried that," Leo sighed. "We tried with ninjitsu, remember? Nothing happened, except for him flipping out and taking my katanas."

Michelangelo wasn't ready to let go of his idea just yet. "Let's try with something else. Like, taking him topside on a patrol duty or so. What do you think, Master?"

Splinter thought about it. "I do not think you should go on an actual patrol, since he obviously does not remember how to fight, but it might be a good idea to take him to the surface. Maybe some memories might come up. You better go at once, so that you can be back before dinner."

The three reptiles rose, bowed and went to get their brother.

It took more than seven minutes to make Donatello leave his room – he was still pretty pissed for being electrocuted. But when Mikey went down to his knees and begged, Don gave in (as we all know, Mikey was much better than Leo when it came to using the Michelangelo Method!), and they all left the lair.

"När man tänker på det, så kan det ju inte vara särskilt hygieniskt att bo i kloakerna," **(8) **Don said as they splashed through the sewers. "Har ni nånsin tänkt på det?" **(9)**

His brothers didn't get it, but smiled and nodded anyway. Don raised an eyebrow, since their face expressions didn't seem to fit with their answer, but made no further comments concerning the subject. They reached a ladder that led up to a manhole.

"Let's go up here," Leo decided. He climbed the ladder, followed by Raph, Don and Mike.

Donatello looked around in the deserted alley. "Trevligt ställe." **(10)**

"I think we should go up to the rooftops," Leo said. "It's safer." Raph and Mike nodded in agreement, and the blue-masked turtle made some kind of super high ninja jump and landed on the fire escape. He beckoned for Don to join him, but the brainy turtle stared at him with eyes as wide asfrying pans.

"Är du inte klok! Det där kan inte jag göra!" **(11)**

His brothers got the message. "Great," grumbled Raph. "We have to help 'im get up."

Before Don knew it, his younger brothers grabbed him and threw him up in the air, where Leonardo got a hold of his wrist and dragged him up on the fire escape. The second oldest turtle looked around, discovered where he was and gulped. Raph and Mikey joined them, and they started their way up to the rooftop. Don hesitated at first, but Raph glared at him and he decided to follow. He gave a nervous smile. "Öh, visst vet ni om att brandtrappor bara ska användas när det brinner?" **(12)** He was ignored.

The four ninja turtles reached the rooftop. "So, what now, fearless leader?" Raph asked ironically.

Leo scratched the back of his head. "Well, I guess we just run around for a bit and see if something clicks in his head."

"Oh yeah? And how exactly shall we make 'im jump between the rooftops?"

Leo's eyes widened. "Shell, I didn't think of that."

"Maybe –" Mikey started, but he was interrupted by the sound of footsteps and someone screaming for help. They all gazed down into the alley which they'd just left.

Nine Purple Dragons were surrounding two little boys. "Okay, just give us your cash and no one gets hurt," their leader said – a guy in his mid twenties with dyed hair that was full of styling gel – it looked as if he had a beaver on his head. The boys shivered in fear.

The turtles' eyes narrowed.

"I know that Splinter told us not to go on a patrol, but we cannot just let those Purple Goons get away with this," Mikey said.

"Of course not," Leo agreed. "And maybe we can hit two birds with one stone – Don might get his memory back when he sees us fight. Let's go!"

Three of the ninjas dropped down in the alley, quiet as mice. They sneaked up on the Purple Dragons.

Raph tapped the leader on the shoulder. "Hey, is that yer blue little pet on yer head?" Before the human could answer, he was knocked out.

(I guess you all know how it looks when the TMNT kick people's butts and the crime victims use the commotion to get away, so I won't bore you with details. You know what's happening anyway.)

At first, Donatello had studied the scene below him with great interest, but then he discovered something on the other side of the street that caught his interest. "Vad är det där?" he asked himself. **(13) **"Jag måste undersöka det!" **(14)**

No one noticed when he slowly climbed down the fire escape, let himself fall the last seven feet and landed on the ground clumsily. He sneaked out of the alley, carefully so as not to be in the way for any of the other turtles, and crossed the street.

A couple of minutes later, the fight was over. Of course, the ninja turtles had gained victory once again. They climbed the fire escape once again, only to discover that their purple-clad brother wasn't on the rooftop any more.

"Master Splinter?"

"Splinter!"

"Where are you?"

After looking behind every chimney, they had to accept that they'd lost their brother.

"Great," Mikey groaned. "We've got a crazy turtle on the loose."

* * *

A reader questioned my decision to put the translations at the end of the chapters. I'll now tell you why I didn't put them directly after the actual speech text. As a matter of fact, I wrote it in that way from the beginning, but when I looked at the text it seemed so… well… _messy_. And another reason, which might be even more important – when I don't give you the translations right away, I get to confuse _you_ as well as Raph, Leo, Mikey and Splinter. It kind of puts you in their situation – no offence. ;) So, now you know.

**1. **OUCH! Darn!

**2. **Thank you, that's kind.

**3. **Yes?

**4. **Sure, why not?

**5. **It doesn't work.

**6. **What is this?

**7. **What was that for? I've done nothing to you! It actually hurt! You can die from that!

**8. **Come to think of it, it cannot be very hygienic to live in the sewers.

**9. **Have you ever thought about that?

**10. **Nice place.

**11. **Are you insane! I cannot do that!

**12. **Eh, you do know that fire escapes only should be used in case of fire?

**13. **What is that?

**14. **I must investigate!

Sincerely,

Idun


	6. One of Santa's elves

I just got my own homepage, the link is on my profile, feel free to drop by!

**Attention! **I have no idea whatsoever about how much snow there use to be in New York City in the middle of December. Up where I live, we normally have 20-25 centimetres by then. In this story, I'll say that there's about five centimetres in NYC. Don't kill me if I'm totally wrong.

Disclaimer: Jag äger inte de kampsportutövande sköldpaddorna. (I don't own the martial arts practising turtles.)

**Chapter 6: One of Santa's Elves**

What Donatello had seen was a simple souvenir shop. It was closed for the evening, but there were a couple of spotlights that lighted up the window. The turtle read off the sign.

"'New York City'," he said to himself. "Aha, nu vet jag var jag är. Förenta Staterna, vem kunde ha trott det… synd att jag inte kan engelska." **(1)**

He looked around and shrugged. "Nu när jag är här kan jag lika gärna se mig omkring lite. Vem vet när jag får chansen att undersöka det Stora Äpplet nästa gång?" **(2)**

He set off down the street walk, happily humming: _"Bjällerklang, bjällerklang, hör dess dingelidång, flingor som det virvlar om i en munter vintersång…"_ **(3)**

Little did he now that he was being watched from the rooftops. Watched by people who were _not_ his brothers…

* * *

"So, what do we do now, Fearless Leader?" Raph grunted. "We've lost our crazy bro who obviously cannot take care of himself. He ain't able to fight, climb, or even speak properly! Oh, he's gonna get into trouble, or my name ain't Raphael. Let's face it Leo, we're in deep shit."

"Don't you think I know that already? You don't have to remind me!" Leo hissed. He tried to come up with a plan quickly – they had to find Donny _fast_, and hey, he was the leader anyways, it was his job to come up with plans in no time. He had his image to think about. "We could split up, like when we chased him in the sewers…"

"Yeah, and that went out fine," Raph said and rolled his eyes. "He knocked ya out cold, remember?"

Leonardo frowned. "Point taken." He had to admit, Raph was right – but that didn't mean he had to like it.

"But we have to do _something,_" Mikey said with worry in his voice. "He could get hurt."

"Or, someone _else_ could gethurt," Raphael muttered.

* * *

Donatello shivered in the cold – it had started snowing, and the white flakes landed and melted on his unprotected reptile body. "Usch, vad kallt. Jag måste hitta något att ta på mig." **(4)**

He had been lucky so far. Amazingly enough, no one had seen him, thanks to the fact that the streets were pretty deserted – at least the street _he'd_ been strutting down, I don't know about the rest of New York.

But the luck must end some time.

"Oh, look Granny! It's one of Santa's elves!"

Before Donatello knew it, a little girl came running up to him. She wore a light purple jacket, a white scarf, and light green mittens and cap. She also wore a smile so bright that it could've lightened up Shredder's personal skyscraper. "Wow, this is so cool! You are Santa's elf, aren't you, Mister Elf Man?"

Don stared at the little girl, confused. An old woman came up behind her. She gave Donny an apologizing smile, and turned to the girl. "Yes, Zoë, I do believe that you are right! My, will you look at that! One of Santa's elves!"

Donatello smiled uncertainly. "Ursäkta mig, men jag förstår inte riktigt…" **(5)**

Zoë's smile threatened to split her face in two. "Oh, was that elf language, Mister Elf Man? That's so cool! Don't you think it's cool, Granny?"

"It is very cool, Zoë. But I do not think that we should bother Santa's elf any longer…"

"Mister Elf Man, can you tell Santa that I want a wand and a racing car and a pony and a spaceship and a crocodile and a castle and an alien and a Chinese dragon…"

"Zoë…"

"… and a light sabre and a computer and a magic carpet and a blue wig and a werewolf and a stuffed panda and some crayons and a puzzle…"

"_Zoë…"_

"… and a purple mask just like yours and a kangaroo and a yacht and one of Santa's reindeers – preferably Rudolph – and a palm tree and a jet plane and superpowers and a Silver Sentry action figure and…"

"ZOË!"

If they'd been in a forest, the cones would've fallen from the trees from the volume of Granny's voice. Zoë shut her mouth and stared at her older relative. Don stared at her too, but with grateful eyes. When the little girl started to tell him about what she wanted for Christmas, his brain had only heard 'waw waw waw' and he couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes from her. Not even those strange creatures in the sewers had been so confusing.

"You have to excuse her, Sir," Granny said. "She's never seen an elf before." She smiled against Donnie. He didn't understand, but smiled anyways.

A snowflake landed on his beak and he shivered again. Granny and Zoë noticed. "Mister Elf Man, you're freezing!" Zoë gasped.

Granny gave him a concerned look. "Are you alright, Sir?"

Don understood, even though he didn't get the words. He tried to give them an 'I'm alright, don't worry about me' look, but unfortunately, his teeth had started to chatter. He did his best to hide it, but the humans didn't buy it.

Granny picked something up from a large bag she'd been carrying. It proved to be a gigantic dark blue coat with a practical hood. She handed it over to Don. "Here, Sir. You seem to need it. It was for my husband, but that old pig can manage without it."

"He can get that clay pot I made in school instead," suggested Zoë. A grimace – something between disgust and horror – crossed Granny's face, but disappeared immediately. She forced a smile. "That's a great idea, honey. I am sure he will be thrilled." Zoë beamed.

The old woman turned to Don again. He was still holding the coat, examining it as if it was an interesting insect and he had been his normal self. Granny frowned. "What are you waiting for? Put it on!" When Don looked at her quizzically, she pretended to put on an invisible coat, to make him understand. _'He might be retarded,' _she thought. Her suspicions were confirmed when Don lit up and put on the coat. He smiled. "Tack så mycket." **(6)**

"There's the elf language again!" Zoë squealed.

"Yes, but we must go home now," Granny said. "It's time for dinner, and the elf has some… eh… elf stuff to take care of." She took the little girl's hand and started walking. When she passed Don, she leaned to the side and whispered in his ear: "Nice costume, Sir."

Zoë waved enthusiastically as they left. "Good bye, Mister Elf Man! Tell Santa I said hi!"

Don waved back. "Hejdå, lilla flicka!" **(7) **When the humans disappeared, he frowned and said to himself: "Konstig unge. Verkade lätt psykotisk. Vad ger dom sina barn att _äta_ här?" **(8)**

His face brightened. "Men den gamla damen var snäll när hon gav mig den här rocken. Nu slipper jag frysa." **(9)**

He merrily continued his way down the street. _"Nä se det snöar, nä se det snöar, det var väl roligt, hurra…" _**(10)**

* * *

"We have spotted one of the turtles, Master."

Seven Foot ninjas watched Donnie from above. They had been following him for three blocks. Right now, their leader was speaking on the Foot phone (AN: Like the shell cells, but for the Foot. Did that make any sense? Eh… okay, I'll shut up now.) with none other than Oruku Saki, also known as the Shredder.

"_Excellent. Which one is it?"_

"It's the one with the purple mask, Master… he's behaving quite strange, though…"

"_What do you mean?"_

"Well, he's walking down the street, without a disguise, as if he wasn't a gigantic turtle at all. He just spoke to an old woman and a little girl on the street – stupid kid thought he was an elf of Santa Claus – and…"

"_And just **what**, may I ask, is stupid with believing in Santa Claus and his elves?"_

The Foot soldier frowned. "Nothing Master… It's just that everyone knows that Santa isn't real, neither he nor his elves."

"_So? Let them believe if they want to! What right do you have to walk around, crushing people's childhood dreams? HUH?"_

The soldier couldn't believe his ears. Was the phone broken? He moved a couple meters, hoping to get a better signal from his new position. "Master, could you please repeat what you just said…?"

"_No! I do not want to talk to you anymore, you incompetent twit!" _Shredder snapped. _"Put someone with a little humanity on the phone!"_

"But, Master…"

"_NOW! Or I'll practise my new cool ninja moves using you as a dummy!"_

The Foot soldier gulped and handed the Foot phone to one of his fellow goons. "You talk to the Master," he said quietly. "Be careful with what you're saying, his mental stability seems ready to fall into little pieces…"

"_I heard that, fool!"_

Foot ninja number 2 held the phone to his ear. "Um, is everything alright, Master?"

"_Now it is, when I don't have to listen to that moron anymore. **You're **not that mean, now are you?"_

"No, of course not, Master," the soldier answered, although he had absolutely no idea whatsoever about what his boss was talking about.

"_Thank you. I'm surrounded by insensitive dorks who think that they can say anything at all, even if it hurts people's feelings, people who have done nothing to them. You're the only one I can trust. You, Hun and that guy who use to come here and repair my hot chocolate machine when it breaks."_

By now, the soldier felt pretty terrified. "Eh, thank you, Master. I'm really sensitive, I promise. I cannot watch _The Care Bears _without getting touched and start crying."

"_That feels so good to hear!" _The great Oruku Saki sobbed. _"You have no idea how wonderful it is when you've got someone who listens to your problems and offers a shoulder to cry on…"_

"Riiight. Um, not that I want to change the subject, Master, but what about the turtle?"

"_What turtle? Oh, you mean THAT turtle! Just kick his butt and put the bug on him. It'll send out a signal that'll lead me directly to the turtles' secret lair! My diabolical plan cannot fail! Bwahahahaha!"_

"Sure, Master… We're on it."

"_Wait, don't start yet! I must say 'charge'! It's my right as your boss!"_

"O-kay…"

"_Are you ready? On three. One… two… CHAAAARGE! There. Now you can go."_

"Thank you, Master. Over and out."

The soldier snapped the Foot phone shut. He turned to his comrades and shook his head. "I _knew_ that he'd lose it one day. People with power always go mad."

The others nodded, and they prepared to jump down into the alley, where they would 'kick the turtle's butt and put the bug on him'.

* * *

If I've gotten this whole thing with Santa's elves completely wrong, please forgive me. Santa's got no elves in Sweden, so I'm pretty much guessing what's with this whole elf thing.

**1. **You must not forget that any ideas and suggestions for the story are welcome. I've got a whole Word document on my laptop, only for plot bunnies!

**2. **Aha, now I know where I am. The United States, who would've thought… pity I don't know English.

**3. **Now when I'm here, I can as well go for some sightseeing. Who knows when I get to investigate the Big Apple next time?

**4. **(AN: These are the Swedish lyrics to _Jingle Bells._)

**5. **Ugh, so cold. I got to find something to wear.

**6. **Excuse me, but I don't really understand…

**7. **Thank you so much.

**8. **Good bye, little girl!

**9. **Weird kid. Seemed slightly psychotic. What do they give their children to _eat_ here?

**10. **But the old lady was kind when she gave me this coat. Now I don't have to freeze.

**11. **(AN: Another Swedish winter song. It's a children's song about the joy of snow, or something.)

Idun


	7. The Foot attacks!

Hiya! I'm back! (waving arms dramatically) Thank you so much for all your kind words and encouraging reviews! They keep me writing!

I'm glad I didn't mess up the elf thing in chappie 6. As a matter of fact, Santa _does _have his little "helpers" here too, although they look like tiny little copies of himself. They are called "tomtenissar". Others, they don't seem at all that different from the elves, judging from what you've told me. Hey, you're not the only ones here learning about another culture! ;)

Disclaimer: Jag äger inte de kampsportutövande sköldpaddorna. I don't own Pokemon either.

**Chapter 7: The Foot Attacks!**

Donny nearly jumped out of his shell when he suddenly found himself surrounded by several figures all clad in black. They would've looked pretty threatening, if it wasn't for those huge yellow eyes that sort of took the dramatic effect away and instead made them look like gigantic, yellow-eyed, tail-less tarsiers.

"Hej," **(1) **Don said. "Ni ser ut som jättestora, gulögda, svanslösa spökdjur." **(2)**

Foot ninja number one tilted his head to the side and turned to one of his companions. "What's he saying, Billy-Jill?"

"I have no idea, Jimmy-Jean," answered his friend and scratched his head.

"Does it matter?" asked a ninja called Bobby-Jane impatiently. "I want to beat him up!"

"It might be a new secret weapon of theirs," another ninja said warily. "They want to give us a feeling of false security by speaking funnily, and then BAM! they dive in for the kill."

Jimmy-Jean raised an eyebrow. "Pauley-Sue?"

"Yeah?"

"That's got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Can we take this discussion some other time?" snapped a guy called Minnie-Lou. "We have other things to take care of for the moment!"

"You're right," Jimmy-Jean said determinately. "Billy-Jill, Bobby-Jane, Pauley-Sue, Minnie-Lou, Julie-Anne and Andrew, ATTACK!"

Donny had been following the conversation with interest. Now, when the seven Foot members closed in on him with their weapons drawn, his eyes widened and he took a step back. He started to feel pretty nervous. "Eh, killar, ta det lite lugnt nu. Jag menade inte det där om spökdjuren… Jag är säker på att vi kan prata om det här…" **(3)**

All of a sudden, Minnie-Lou pounced. Don just got the time to hide behind a garbage can. Minnie-Lou crashed into it. For a moment, he was splattered up against it, but then he slid down to the ground.

"Minnie-Lou!" Bobby-Jane's eyes narrowed. He threw himself over the garbage can, but Don held up the lid in the last moment and the ninja got smacked in the face. He smiled a goofy grin and showed eight broken teeth. "Oh… look at the cute little birdies…"

"Told you that they'd switched tactics," said Pauley-Sue.

"No, you didn't," Julie-Anne corrected him. "You said that it was their new secret weapon to speak funnily and –"

"Never mind the details," Pauley-Sue snapped. "I _almost _said it."

"Whatever."

It actually seemed like the turtle was winning the fight. He took the foot soldiers out one by one – either by sheer luck or by accident (well, to be honest, it might have gone better for the ninjas if they'd been more focused on training than trading Pokemon cards. Geez, that made me sound like Leo…). Jimmy-Jean and Julie-Anne crashed into each other when they made a dive for Don at the same time. They would've succeeded, if he hadn't tripped over a homeless cat, that happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, and fallen to the ground. When he tried to get up, he got entangled in the coat and had serious problem getting out of it. While stumbling around, his shell accidentally hit Billy-Jill's solar plexus and the Foot bended over in pain. By this time, Pauley-Sue and Andrew had come to the conclusion that the turtles might have abandoned ninjitsu and tried out some new freaky fighting style, so they decided to get the heck outta there. Before they left, however, Pauley-Sue hurried to put the little bug on Donny's shell when he wasn't looking, choosing a spot where the carapace met his shoulder. Then, the two ninjas ran as if the Devil himself – or maybe the Shredder – was after them.

Don finally got out of the coat and looked around, studying the five knocked out Foot soldiers. He smiled proudly against no one in particular, dusted his hands off, and said: "Ha! Där ser ni vad som händer om man muckar med _mig, _den otrolige… öh… tja…" **(4) **He scratched his head. "Jag har visst glömt vad jag heter." **(5)**

* * *

Leo, Mikey and Raph were hurrying over the rooftops in an, until now, fruitless search for their brother. They had decided not to split up after what happened to Leo in the sewers. Suddenly, Leo (who was in the lead as usual) ran straight into Pauley-Sue and they both fell to the ground, just like a cloud doesn't do. Before any of the turtles could react, Pauley-Sue had come to his feet again and joined Andrew. They looked like frightened rabbits as they stared at the turtles.

Leo rose, and Raph took a step forward. The two humans put their hands up, as if to protect their faces. "NO! PLEASE DON'T HURT US!"

The three turtles blinked. This wasn't normal Foot behaviour. "…What…?"

"Let us go! Please leave us alone!" Pauley-Sue begged.

"We'll give you anything!" Andrew looked quite desperate. "You'll even get our best Pokemon cards! Just don't use that new fighting style on us!"

Mikey brightened. "You've got Pokemon cards? That's cool! Is there, by any reason, a Tentacruel available? Haven't got that one in my collection…"

"Of course!" Andrew pulled out a Tentacruel card out of nowhere. "I've got an Electabuzz and an Aerodactyl too!"

"Wicked! I think –"

"Shut it, Mikey!" Leo interrupted. He turned to the Foot soldiers. "What exactly do you mean by 'that new fighting style'?"

"Oh, you know," Andrew said warily.

"No, I don't know."

"Speak up!" Raphael barked. "Now! Or I'll use these sais ta make shish-kabobs out of ya!"

"We'll talk! We'll talk!" Pauley-Sue yelped, and then started speaking extremely fast. "We-met-the-fourth-turtle-in-the-alley-and-he-first-spoke-funnily-and-then-he-beat-the-heck-out-of-us-using-garbage-cans-and-stuff-and-he-took-the-others-down-and-we-ran-for-our-lives-so-that-he-wouldn't-turn-us-into-dog-food."

It took a few seconds for the information to sink in, then the turtles' eyes widened.

"… Donny?" Mikey said doubtfully.

"Guess he isn't as defenceless as we thought." Leonardo raised an eye ridge.

"Well, that's good," Raph said. "There might be some of the ol' Donny left in 'im."

"Where did this happen?" Leo asked Andrew and Pauley-Sue.

"Three alleys from here," they answered and pointed.

"Let's go, brothers!" Leo shouted, and the three sane members of the TMNT were off. Pauley-Sue and Andrew sighed relieved.

"Thank the Lord that they let us get away," Pauley-Sue said.

"Yeah. I seriously thought that they'd throw a couple of garbage cans at us."

"What are we gonna say to the Master?"

"Well, we cannot tell him the truth…"

"Why not? He's insane anyway, he won't gave a darn whether we got our butts kicked or not."

"You might be right, but I'd like to remain on the side of caution."

"How about we compromise? We'll tell him the truth, but spice it up a little, if you get my point…"

"I like the way you think, Pauley-Sue."

The two Foot soldiers took off for Oroku Saki's skyscraper.

* * *

Leo, Raph and Mikey landed in the alley, not making a sound. Don was still left, trying to remember his identity (the clumsy fool had not only forgotten his _real _name, but also that of 'Master Splinter' in the heat of battle). He brightened when he spotted them.

"Åh, hallå där! Jag började undra vad det hade blivit av er. Själv har jag klarat mig fint – jag slog ner alla dom här typerna alldeles själv!" **(6) **He gestured to the unconscious ninjas proudly. "Förresten, ni råkar inte minnas vad jag heter?" **(7) **

"… Donatello?" Leo started with a gaping mouth. He and his two youngest brothers looked around the alley, dumbstruck.

"Donatello? Är det mitt namn?" **(8) **Don's eyes narrowed. "Tja, det låter inte så tokigt när man tänker på det. Donatello. Don-atello. Dona-tello." **(9) **He 'tasted' the word on his tongue, as if trying to find out how it felt.

While Donwas behavingchildish, his brothers investigated the place and tried to figure out what the shell had happened.

"What the shell happened?" Raph exclaimed.

Mikey turned to Don. "Splinter, care to explain?"

"Smart, Mike." Raph rolled his eyes. "What makes you think that he'd understand?"

"As a matter of fact, he didn't even seem to react when you called him 'Splinter'," Leo said. He waved to gain Don's attention. The turtle in question looked at him. "Master Splinter?" the blue-clad turtle tried.

Don shook his head. "Nej, Donatello," **(10) **he said and pointed to himself. "_Donatello. _Vad heter du själv?" **(11)**

"He remembers his name!" The three turtles lightened up like three Christmas trees.

"Do you think he remembers ours?" Mikey asked eagerly.

"If not, we just have to remind him," Leo said and pointed to himself. "Leonardo."

"Leonardo," mimicked Don. (AN: I won't give that a number, seems pretty unnecessary, don't you think?)

"Raphael," Raph said.

"Raphael." Don didn't pronounce it correctly, but you still could understand what he said.

"Michelangelo."

"Michelangelo." The pronunciation wasn't the right one here either, but you could clearly hear what he meant. He frowned. "Var har jag hört de namnen förut?... Konstnärer! Just det! Renässanskonstnärer, eller hur?" **(12)**

His three brothers caught the similarity between the words of 'renässans' and 'renaissance', so they just smiled and nodded. Maybe Don was on his way to get his memory back… but only maybe.

* * *

"And we fought bravely, Master, but suddenly, the turtle pulled out his laser gun and started to shoot wildly around him. It was horrible! We were the only survivors… We did put the bug on him, though, before we decided on a strategic retreat."

Andrew and Pauley-Sue were on their knees before their Master Oroku Saki. They'd been telling the truth, but 'spiced it up a little'. Right now, their boss seemed pretty mad.

"So, you say he had a laser gun?"

The two soldiers nodded.

"How come I never get any cool gadgets like that? I want a laser gun too!" Shredder pouted. "But no, all I get is a bunch of incompetent fools that cannot even survive without messing up!" He lightened up. "STOCKMAN!"

Baxter Stockman rolled in in his wheelchair. "What is it?"

"I want you to invent a laser gun for me for Christmas!" Saki said. "And I want a pony too, and a Silver Sentry action figure and a magic carpet and a castle and a blue wig and a werewolf and…"

"Deja-vu," Pauley-Sue whispered. Andrew nodded.

"… but of course," Saki finished, "don't tell me about it. I want it to be a surprise." He smiled against Stockman.

* * *

I know that the Foot ninjas got… well… _weird_ names. I got the inspiration from Marian Keyes' book _Rachel's Holiday. _I hope that none of you got offended, it's just for fun. And the fact that they got girl names does not have to mean that they're transvestites in their free time. Not that I have anything against transvestites…

I've had no contact with Pokemon whatsoever for several years. I got their names by visiting their official website.

As I've told you before, if you have ideas or suggestions for this story, feel free to tell me!

**1. **Hello.

**2. **You look like gigantic, yellow-eyed, tail-less tarsiers.

**3. **Eh, guys, take it a little easy now. I didn't mean what I said about the tarsiers… I am sure we can talk this out…

**4. **Ha! That's what happens if you mess with _me_, the incredible… eh… well…

**5. **I seem to have forgotten my name.

**6. **Oh, hello there! I was starting to wonder what had happened to you. I've managed fine – I knocked all these types out all by myself!

**7. **By the way, you don't happen to remember my name?

**8. **Donatello? Is that my name?

**9. **Well, it doesn't sound so weird when you think about it. Donatello. Don-atello. Dona-tello.

**10. **No, Donatello.

**11.**_Donatello._ What's your name?

**12. **Where have I heard those names before?... Artists! That's it! Renaissance artists, am I right?


	8. April enters the picture

Please forgive me for this long delay. As usual, I put the blame on school. I've had a bad case of writer's block too.

**IMPORTANT! **There seem to have been some misunderstandings concerning last chapter, when Don realized what their real names were. Technically, he hasn't _remembered _– they simply _told _him their names. I made them do it because it would've been too complicated to have him walk around calling people by the wrong names for the rest of the story. So no, his memory is not on its way back, even though it may seem so to the turtles. It'll take long before he goes back to the Don they know and love – although it _will _happen! I won't let my Donatello stay a nutcase forever!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for this really cool red college shirt with the text 'YMCA – We help young people to build a future'. I was a leader at a confirmation camp once (I have never before been so close to a nervous breakdown in my entire life), and all the leaders got such shirts. It's a limited edition!

**Chapter 8: April Enters the Picture**

"How's it going, Stockman? Do you see the turtle on that screen? May I have a look?"

Baxter Stockman sighed. How was he supposed to do his job with a raving lunatic hanging over his shoulder? "No, Master, I cannot see him."

"But shouldn't there be a little green dot on that screen that says 'blip'… 'blip'… 'blip'… 'blip'… 'blip'… while it's moving? Huh?"

"Yes, there should, but there seem to be something wrong with the signal. The bug on the turtle isn't responding."

Oroku Saki looked confused and scratched his head. "Does that mean that it is not working?"

Stockman sighed again. "Something like that, yes."

The Shredder frowned. "But why isn't it working?"

"My theory is that the turtle has gone down into the sewers, and the signal that the bug sends out isn't strong enough to go through the ground and up here."

"Ah-ha," Shredder nodded and smiled. "I don't get it. Now make me that laser gun!"

Stockman bit his lip so as not to groan in frustration. _'Please, kill me,' _he thought. _'Strangle me, drown me, shoot me with that darn so-called laser gun, I don't care, just let me die!' _

* * *

Stockman had indeed been right – the bug was still left on Donny's shell, but since the turtles now were underground its signals didn't reach Shredder's skyscraper. Technically it wasn't broken, but just not working for the moment.

Donatello's brothers had taken him back to the lair, quite optimistic. Don now knew their names, and hopefully, his memory would return quickly!

"Master Splinter!" Leo shouted as they entered the lair.

Said mutant rat showed up in the 'living room'. "Yes, Leonardo?"

"Donnie knows our names know!" Leo then got Don's attention, where after he pointed to their Sensei. "Master Splinter."

"Master Splinter," Don repeated. "Splinter. Splinter. Vilket kul namn!" **(1) **He smiled happily.

"… He hasn't gone back to English, though," Raph told Master Splinter.

"I see."

In that moment, the door opened, and an upset April O'Neil rushed in. She threw a thick book from one end of the room to the other, hitting Mikey in the head.

"OUCH!"

The turtles' friend didn't even notice. Her face reminded them of a thundercloud, here eyes were shooting daggers, her hair was tousled and it was pretty clear that what she needed was a nice cup of tea, relaxing music and a little nap… or a handful of tranquillizers.

"I have never been so humiliated in my entire life!"

Raph, Leo and Splinter looked at her, confused as shell. Mikey didn't, since he was busy rubbing his head and groaning, hoping to get someone's attention. Sure, it seemed as if everyone was focused on April, but it was worth a try.

"Wha…?" Leo started.

"That dictionary is crap! CRAP, I tell you! Do you know what happened?" April whirled around, glaring at them. "_Do you know what happened!_"

"Eh… No?" Raph tried.

"I was trying to use that cursed dictionary to talk to my aunt's new fiancé, and he just looked at me, as if I was a bucket of coffee grounds…"

Leo and Raph didn't really understand the metaphor, but decided not to object.

"… and then he said something in German and laughed at me! LAUGHED! He laughed at _me_, April O'Neil! Well, he won't get away with it! I'm gonna make him wish he was never born! I'm gonna make him crawl in the dirt on his bare knees and beg for forgiveness! I'm gonna make him eat worms and old Brussels's sprout! There'll be sprout spurting out of his ears and he'll be in pain, _pain_, PAIN! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

The four turtles and their father stared at the crazy woman running amok in their lair. They'd never seen April that unfocused and freaked out in their entire lives.

"Um… Miss O'Neil?" Splinter approached carefully.

"WHAT?"

"Would it feel a bit better if you had a nice cup of tea, listened to some relaxing music and had a little nap afterwards?"

April frowned. "Thanks, but no thanks. I got to start planning my revenge!"

"I see…"

Mikey had stopped hoping for some comfort and chocolate, and picked up the thick book which had caused the great bump on his head. "Hey guys! Here's that dictionary we need!"

"Really?" His two sane brothers came up to him.

"Yeah, look!"

"Well, what're we waiting for?" Raph exclaimed. "Let's go and have a chat with our Nordic bro!"

"Wait," Leo stopped him. "Maybe we should take a look in the dictionary first, you know, just to see what we're getting into." He took the book from Mikey and opened it. The first ten pages or so explained how to pronounce things and stuff. Leo read out loud: "'Pronunciation of the Swedish words: There are two kinds of tone in Swedish: the acute accent, or single-tone, and the grave accent, or double-tone. The acute accent is a falling tone, as in English beggar, calendar. It occurs in words of one syllable and in a few words of two or more syllables. In this dictionary the acute accent in words of two or more syllables with the stress on the first syllable is always indicated in the phonetic transcription. The grave accent, which is characteristic of the Swedish language, occurs in words of two or more syllables. It is also a falling tone, but the second syllable begins on a higher pitch than the first. The main stress usually lies on the first syllable and there is a strong secondary stress on the second syllable.'"

The three brothers stared first at book, then at each other, then at the book again.

"Say what?" Raph frowned, finally.

"Did you get any of that?" Mikey asked.

"No," Leo confessed. "Not a thing."

"Isn't it typical that the only family member who might be able to understand this mumbo-jumbo is the one that, for the moment, can't understand it?" Mike said.

"Oh, who the shell cares?" Raph exclaimed. "I say we give it a try without tryin' to figure out what the heck _that_ was. It probably wasn't that important anyway."

"Uh huh."

Since April had calmed down – well, at least a little bit – Don had had no more entertainment. Now he was browsing his way through an IKEA catalogue which he'd found under the couch.

"Kanske den där fåtöljen," **(2) **he mumbled. "Fast i en annan färg. Beige är snyggt… men det är så svårt att få bort fläckar från beige möbler…" **(3)**

"Donatello?"

The purple-clad turtle looked up. "Vad är det?" **(4)**

His three brothers looked at each other, confused.

"Eh, just one second, Don." Leo held up one finger in a we'll-soon-be-back-gesture and sent Donatello an apologizing smile, while grabbing his two youngest brothers and dragging them a few meters away.

"We never decided what to say to him!" he hissed. "We got to come up with something!"

"So?" Raph shrugged. "How hard can it be? You don't have to take it all so serious!"

"Don't take it so serious! In case you haven't noticed, _Raphael_, this _is_ a serious situation! Our own brother has gone nuts and…"

"Cool it down, guys! I know what to say!" Mikey said.

"What?" Raph grumbled.

Mikey put a green finger to page number 282. "Here: 'Pizza'. Everyone likes pizza, I'm sure even Swedes do. And look! It's even spelled the same!"

"…"

Leo sighed. "Mike, we cannot just walk up to him and say 'Hey Don, you know what? Pizza!' That just won't work."

"Why not?"

Raph cast a look over his shoulder – and made a face. "Guys? He's taken off again."

Donatello had indeed grown tired of waiting for the other three turtles to finish their little private chat, so he'd decided to take a look around. He wandered into the kitchen, where the strange red-haired lady sat, bent over a sheet of paper that she was furiously writing on, muttering to herself.

"I'll build a closet out of solid iron and lure my aunt's fiancé into it with a barrel of German beer. Then I drop it off a cliff! He'll never know what hit him! Bwahahahaha!"

Don cleared his throat. April looked up. "Oh, hi Don. I'm working on my Evil Revenge Plan of Doom. Do you want to help?"

Don stared at her hair curiously. "Förlåt en dum fråga, men är ditt hår naturligt rött eller har du färgat det?" **(5)**

April's eyes widened. When she started speaking, her voice shivered with anger. "First, that stinking little piece of German recycled potato peel laughs at me, and now you're making fun of me too by speaking gibberish? Don, I am disappointed!" She picked up a frying pan and waved it around. "Come here and I'll make turtle soup out of you!"

"Eeep!" Don made a dash for the door.

Leo, Raph and Mikey had just started looking for their brother, and were making their way towards the kitchen, when a green blur passed with the velocity of light.

"What was that?" Mike asked.

"I don't know," Leo said, "but it might have been Don."

"Oh."

The three slow turtles started to look for their brother again, when another blur whizzed past.

"What was that?"

"I don't know, but it might have been April."

They stood in silence for about 5, 143 seconds.

"Oh shell. WAIT, APRIL! DON'T KILL HIM!"

* * *

In the same second, in a mall not far away (ten meters up and 860 meters to the East, to be exactly), a 34 year-old man named Brian decided to quit his job as 'Santa'. He was one of all those people that each year dress up in a red coat and a white beard and sit at malls, with kids sitting on their laps, telling them what they want for Christmas.

But, as I said, Brian decided to quit. He had never before had to deal with a 150 pound grown-up man, dressed in some weird Japanese outfit, sitting on his lap behaving like a five year-old.

"And then I heard that my enemies had a laser gun, and I wanted one too, so I told the mad scientist at my own personal skyscraper to build one for me, and he said that he'd try, but I don't know if he can make it, so please, please, please, could you get me one for Christmas, Santa? Could you?"

'_Get me out of here,' _Brian thought desperately. _'Get me out of here, before I go crazy too!'_

* * *

I do not know when I'll be able to update next time, because the summer holiday's on its way and we'll probably move from the city out to our summer cottage. I'll be able to bring my laptop, but I have no wireless internet… But who knows?

The brilliant, fantastic, great, wonderful Innocent Rebel has drawn some fanart from chapter two of this story! Follow this link and enjoy her awesome piece of art!** www . photobucket . com / albums / h166 / kinderedspirit17 / DonnySS2 . jpg**

**1. **I've said it before, I say it again; if you have any suggestions or ideas, tell me!

**2. **Splinter. Splinter. What a funny name!

**3. **Maybe that armchair.

**4. **But in another colour. Beige looks good… but it's so hard to get rid of spots on beige furniture…

**5. **What is it?

**6. **Excuse a dumb question, but is your hair naturally red or have you dyed it?


	9. Homesick

Hi! I haven't left yet, but I didn't think that I'd update before I took off, that's why I prepared you not to expect another chapter soon. But the other day, something happened that made me so happy that I wrote the whole chapter in a rush. You see, one of my classmates (she's 35, the ages are mixed up at the university as you might know) told me that she's having a baby in November! Can you believe it? Her little son will become a big brother. I'm so happy for my friend! I squealed when she told me! (jumps up and down in joy)

**NOTE: **Until now, I have been quite kind with the language, but this chappie has a _swearword_ in it! (insert dramatic music here) Just so you know.

Disclaimer: If you still think that I own them, I'm getting pretty concerned for your sanity.

**Chapter 9: Homesick**

Splinter came out of his room, just in time to get crashed into by Donatello. They both ended up on the floor, but the purple-clad turtle got up again in less than half a second and ran off again, shouting "Förlåt, Mäster Splinter!" **(1) **over his shoulder.

The old rat stared after him and frowned, and barely got time to get on his feet again before he was run over by April O'Neil. She scrambled to her feet and dashed after Donnie, screaming "COME BACK HERE, YOU IDIOTIC REPTILE! I'LL BASH YOUR BRAINS OUT!" Splinter saw her waving wildly with a frying pan. He frowned a bit more and stood.

"What on Earth…?" he started, but didn't get the time to finish the sentence before his three other sons knocked him over and they all took the form of a heap on the floor. Raph, Leo and Mikey got on their feet with practised ninja speed. Splinter opened his mouth, but was interrupted by Raphael.

"Sorry Master, no time to talk!" He ran after Donatello and April. Mike sent his father an apologetic smile and followed his brother. Since Leonardo, on the other hand, was the teacher's pet, he gasped and helped Splinter to his feet and dusted him off. "We are so, so sorry, Sensei! Really! We didn't mean to nearly kill you by our disrespectful behaviour – which, by the way, was mostly my fault, since I'm the leader. I have brought dishonour on the whole family and I must be punished."

The rodent gave his oldest son – who started to look a bit frantic – a weird look, and stopped his ranting by holding up his paw. "Really, Leonardo, do not worry about it. Such things happen. I am sure you meant no harm. Now, what is going on?"

Leo's eyes widened. "Geez! Donny!" He whirled around and ran off again.

Splinter stared after him, his eyes narrowed in confusion. He sighed. "Why do I even bother?" He went back into his room again, convinced that a meditation session would do him some good.

Donatello had been running for longer than he could remember, or at least for ten minutes, which doesn't sound like a very long time but certainly feels like it if you're chased by a crazy woman with a frying pan. Several times, he'd shouted over his shoulder "Jag är ledsen! Jag menade inte att såra dina känslor! Färgat hår är ingenting att skämmas för! Snälla, gör mig inte illa!" **(2) **But April hadn't stopped chasing him.

Don had run across the big living area at least seven times, he'd taken a tour through all of the bedrooms, he'd passed the kitchen twice, messed up his workshop when he hurried through it, but he hadn't been able to shake the red-head off. He'd even tried to hide in the bathtub, but was quickly discovered and barely had the time to move before April had taken a swing with the frying pan and made a dent in the porcelain.

By now, Don was pretty exhausted. Apparently his good shape had left with his memory. When he crossed the living area for the sixteenth million time, he did the only thing he could think of – he threw himself into the pool.

_SPLASH!_

April, who wasn't far behind, got soaked. Her face twisted in a grimace. "Ugh! _Disgusting!_ Get up from there, you chicken!" Donatello was treading water four or five meters away and understood her body language pretty well, but wisely enough decided not to follow her orders.

Just then, Raph and Mikey appeared. "Um… April?"

April turned to Raph, and Mike took the opportunity to sneak up behind her and snatch the frying pan from her grasp. April whirled around. "Hey!"

"Sorry, but we really don't need ya to kill Donnie for the moment," Raph said.

"And why not?" April snarled.

Leonardo showed up behind them. "Because it isn't his fault that he's behaving a bit… well… unusual," he said.

O'Neil looked from Leo, to Raph, to Mikey, to Leo again. "What do you mean?"

"Well," Raph started, "he's not really himself."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"I don't know how to say this in a good way," Leo said, "so I'll just tell you the truth – he's lost his memory."

"_What?_"

"It was Mikey's fault!" Raph hurried to say. "He electrocuted him."

"It was an accident and you know it!"

"Well, you still did."

While the two youngest turtles were bickering, Leonardo sighed and turned to April. "Well, to make a long story short, Mikey electrocuted Don by mistake when he was fixing the television, and now he's got amnesia and thinks that he's Swedish."

April blinked, thinking that she must have misunderstood what the oldest turtle was saying. "What did you say?"

"Mikey electrocuted Don by mistake when he was fixing the television, and now he's got amnesia and thinks that he's Swedish."

April still couldn't believe her ears. "What?"

"_Mikey electrocuted Don by mistake when he was fixing the television, and now he's got amnesia and thinks that he's Swedish! _Shell, woman, what's _wrong_ with you? Have your ears fallen off?"

April's eyes started shooting daggers again, and Leonardo realized that he'd made a fatal mistake.

"Oops. I'm sorry, April! I really am!"

It seemed as if Leo now had taken Don's place on the top of April's 'Turtles to murder-list', but apparently some kind of higher power had decided to avoid any massacres today (maybe because of the fact that dead bodies spread a pretty nasty stench and the lair had a quite bad ventilation), 'cause April's eyes softened. "Okay, you're forgiven."

Leo blinked. "I am?" Not that he was going to complain.

"Yes, you are. But tell me, what're you going to do with Don?"

"We don't know," Leo sighed. "We've tried to tell him about ninjitsu, and he ran off with my swords. We've tried to teach him our names, and he mixed them up. We've tried electrocuting him again, and he got pissed. We've tried taking him topside, and he got lost. Well, he _did_ kick some Foot soldiers' butts, but I'm still pretty suspicious about the whole thing…"

His human friend gave him a sympathetic smile. "At least you've got the dictionary now."

"Yeah."

"Maybe I should talk to him," April offered. "Just to make sure that he isn't afraid of me."

"That might be a good idea," Leo agreed, and looked down at the pool.

He couldn't see Don.

"Oh no! He's forgotten how to swim!" Leo gasped. Mikey and Raph stopped arguing.

"What?" Raph asked.

"I can't see him! He's drowned!" his older brother cried and dived in. Raphael, Michelangelo and April stared after him. "Moron," Mikey said and shook his head.

Leo didn't break the surface until 14, 23 seconds later. "I can't find him!"

"That's 'cause he's left already," Raph said, and pointed to a long line of wet two-toed footprints leading away from the pool and into Donatello's room.

Leo climbed out of the pool and looked at the footprints. He then turned to his brothers. "Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"We didn't have the time before you freaked and dived in," April told him. Leo frowned at her.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Donnie sat in his bedroom, contemplating over the drastic 'change' his life had made in the last few days. He had woken up at a strange place, which later turned out to be the sewers of New York, and he'd met three other giant, talking turtles and a rat. He'd been attacked by a bunch of weird tarsier-looking guys and jumped by a creepy little girl, and he'd been chased by an insane woman with a frying pan. Sure, it had been interesting, but there were limits for how much he could take.

"New York är verkligen en intressant stad," **(3) **he said to himself. "Det vore kul att undersöka den lite mer – jag har till exempel inte kollat på Frihetsgudinnan än – men det får vänta till en annan gång. Jag börjar faktiskt längta tillbaka till Norden!" **(4)**

As his trains of thoughts developed, he got more and more convinced that he wanted to get 'home' in some way. But how?

"Jag antar att det skulle gå fortast att ta flyget," **(5) **he mumbled. "Men det har jag inga pengar till. Och det är svårt att smyga sig ombord på ett flygplan utan att bli upptäckt. Det skulle nog vara mindre komplicerat att bli fripassagerare på en båt. Dessutom är det lättare att ta sig till kajen än till flygplatsen." **(6)**

He thought of the strange humanoid animals that had been relatively kind to him (apart from the two attempted murders from the blue- and orange-clad turtles), and thought that he couldn't just _leave_ them – at least, not without saying goodbye. "Men så fort jag försöker prata med dem, så tittar de bara lustigt på mig," **(7)** he said to himself.

* * *

The next morning, Splinter entered the kitchen to get his usual nice cup of tea. He spotted an envelope on the table. It was addressed to _Mäster Splinnter, Raffaiell, Majkelänjelåo och Liåonarrdåo. _

Splinter raised a furry eyebrow, opened the envelope and looked at the letter inside.

_Kära Mäster Splinnter, Majkelänjelåo, Liåonarrdåo och Raffaiell,_

_Tack för att ni har låtit mig bo hos er ett tag. Jag har uppskattat att få dela ert vardagliga liv och er märkliga kultur, och ni har varit mycket vänliga. Emellertid, så har jag drabbats av hemlängtan. Jag måste återvända till mitt fädernesland och mina rötter, hellre förr än senare – inget är som en jul i Sverige. Därför har jag packat mina saker och gett mig av. Jag vet att ni förstår och accepterar mitt beslut._

_God jul, och tack för allt._

_/ Dånnatello_

_Ps. Jag tog mig friheten att ta med pizzaresterna i kylen som färdkost. _**(8)**

Splinter scratched his head, and picked up the dictionary which lay behind the banana- and chocolate-flavoured ice cream in the freezer (don't ask). While he started flipping through the pages, he called out for Leonardo, Raphael and Michelangelo. They showed up in the kitchen pretty soon.

"What is it, Sensei?" Mikey asked groggily.

"Your brother seems to have left a note here. Please give me a hand in translating."

16 minutes and seven seconds later, the four family members looked at each other, surprised, chocked and frightened. The first one talking was Raphael.

"Darn."

* * *

Oh yes, darn indeed. Now they are in trouble... or maybe Don's in the most trouble, but he doesn't understand it, the poor fool. I made Don write their names in that weird way because that's how it'd look if a Swede would spell the names as they are pronounced (in English). I might have exaggerated it a little… okay, I have exaggerated it _a lot_.

**1. **Sorry, Master Splinter!

**2. **I am sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! Dyed hair is nothing to feel ashamed of! Please, don't hurt me!

**3. **New York really is an interesting city.

**4. **It'd be fun to explore it a bit further – for example, I haven't had a look at the Liberty Statue yet – but that'll have to wait until some other time. I'm actually starting to long back to the North!

**5. **I guess the fastest way to get home would be to travel by plane.

**6. **But I've got no money for that. And it's hard to sneak aboard on a plane without getting discovered. Probably, it'd be less complicated to become a stowaway on a boat. And it's easier to get to the dock than to the airport.

**7. **But as soon as I try to talk with them, they just look at me funnily.

**8. **Dear Master Splinter, Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael,

Thanks for letting me stay with you for a while. I have appreciated to be able to share your daily life and your spectacular culture, and you have been very friendly. However, I have become homesick. I must return to my native country and my roots, rather sooner than later – nothing is like a Christmas in Sweden. Therefore, I have packed my stuff and left. I know that you understand and accept my decision.

Merry Christmas, and thank you for everything.

/ Donatello

Ps. I took the liberty to bring the pizza leftovers in the fridge for provisions.


	10. Shredder gets a pet

I know that there are at least 15 people out there 'following' this story, but 'only' 10 of you use to review. Usually, I don't mind that some of you don't – hey, it's better to read and not review than not to read at all! ;) – but if all of you review this chapter, I'll reach my goal of getting 100 reviews! (starts panting at the thought of 100 reviews) So please, review this chapter, even if you don't do it regularly!

I've been thinking of starting a new thread at my own little Stealthy Stories forum, where you can ask questions about this story or any of my other fics. You can ask me or any of the characters, 'real' or OC's, it doesn't matter. I got the idea when I noticed that there are several writers who have done the same – Askre and Pacphys for example, even though I'll never become as successful as them (all hail Pacphys and Askre!) – and there are some of you who have been wondering about this story. What do you think? Would it be worth it?

Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT, and I ain't even going to say that I'd like to, 'cause in fact, I don't. Having the rights to a pop culture phenomenon seems pretty complicated.

**Chapter 10: Shredder gets a Pet**

Donatello splashed through the sewers. He'd found a practical duffel bag (hint, hint) in his room, and packed some items in it, such as the painting of Carl von Linné and the pizza leftovers he'd found in the fridge. Luckily enough, he had put on a trench coat and a hat which he'd found at the lair's entrance. From his topside trip earlier, he recalled the cold weather.

'_Tur att jag hittade den här rocken,' _**(1) **he thought. _'Annars skulle jag förmodligen frysa ihjäl. Och det fanns ändå så pass många att dom trevliga reptilerna och råttan nog inte kommer att sakna den. Jag hoppas verkligen att de inte blir för ledsna när de upptäcker att jag har gett mig av. Åt vilket håll ligger nu hamnen?' _**(2) **

He looked around, maybe hoping to spot a sign that would lead him on the right track. No such luck. "Antar att jag måste gå upp," **(3) **he said to himself. "Om jag bara är försiktig, så borde det inte bli några problem." **(4) **

He found a ladder leading up to a manhole, and climbed it without too many problems. He almost lost his balance when he tried to lift the manhole cover, keep a hold of the ladder and not lose his bag – he only had two hands, after all, and only three fingers on each hand – although that had never stopped him before – but that might not be important right now – anyway, he made it without falling down.

Donnie found himself in an alley quite like the one in which his brothers had kicked the Purple Dragons' butts. He scratched his head. "Så, vilken väg är den rätta?" **(5)**

After searching his surroundings, he decided that one way was as good as any, and started walking down the street.

* * *

Saki sat in his throne room keeping the TV some company, when his Foot phone rang. The phone signal was the theme song from one of his favourite movies.

"_Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you, that is how I know you go on, far across the distance, and spaces, between us, you have come to show you go on, near, far, where ever you are–"_

He snatched it up and pressed the button. "Hello?" he snarled. He wasn't in his best mood. First, Santa had kicked him out of the mall, and now he was interrupted in the middle of an episode of his favourite TV show!

"_Master Shredder?" _Baxter Stockman's voice said.

"Yes, it's me. What do you want?"

"_I've got news for you."_

"Oh really? This had better be good, 'cause I ain't missing the re-runs of _My Little Pony _for nothing!"

"… _Anyway, I've picked up the purple turtle's signal."_

"Oh, you have? That's great! I'm coming!"

The feared and respected Shredder took off for the doors, but crashed into Hun who came in right then.

"Master! I am so sorry!" the fatty gasped. He bent down, picked up his master, put him on the ground and dusted him off. "Please forgive me! I am not worthy!"

"Yeah, whatever. Hun, I got a job for you."

"Anything, master!"

"You got to tape _My Little Pony _for me.It's getting really exciting! The wicked witch is chasing Flower and Starlight!"

Hun saluted. He had since long ago gotten used to his eccentric boss's peculiarities. "Yes, sir."

"Good." The villain of this story bounced down the hall.

Stockman sighed as his boss skipped into the lab. He almost wished that he hadn't picked up the turtle's signal at all, then he wouldn't have had to call his master.

"Hi Stockman!"

"Hi, master."

"Where's the little dot that says 'blip…blip…blip…'? Huh? Where is it?"

"There," the poor scientist sighed and pointed. Sure enough, there was a little green dot quickly moving over the screen, saying 'blip… blip… blip…'

"So… where is it going?"

"Downwards, it seems."

"Well, I can see that!" Shredder snapped. "I mean, where's the turtle going?"

Stockman put his hands up, as if to say 'no harm meant'. "He seems to be on his way to the south end of Manhattan, towards the Castle Clinton National Monument."

"Oh, I've been there. It wasn't very cool, actually. I think it's overrated. Do you think that I could catch up with the turtle and tell him that it's really not worth it?"

Stockman raised his eyebrows. "Um…"

"'Um'? That's not a very scientific answer, now is it? You're supposed to be the smart one!" Saki frowned.

Not for the first time, Stockman started to feel suicidal. "Listen, master, if you don't trust me and the bug, why don't you just track the turtle down in some other way? Like… using a dog?"

Shredder got a puzzled expression. "A what?"

'_He's an alien, you cannot expect him to know everything,' _Stockman told himself. "A dog. Furry animal with four legs and a tail, good sense of smell…"

"Oh. Where do I get a dog?"

"Well, there is a pet shop on the other side of the street…"

"Right-o! I'm there!" Shredder hurried out of the lab, out of his skyscraper and across the street, only stopping to get his American Express card.

There was no other customer in the pet shop. Saki walked up to the counter, where a woman with black, obviously dyed hair sat and doodled on a piece of paper. She wore a small sign with the text 'Shirley White, Manager'. She looked up when he approached. "Yes, can I help you?"

"Well, madam, I am looking for a dog."

"I see, sir. What kind of dog?"

Shredder scratched his head. "There are different kinds?"

Shirley gave him a funny look. "Yes…"

"Well, I want one that's good for tracking down mutated turtles."

He got an even funnier look. _'Madman,' _she thought. _'But wait! Maybe I can take that to my advantage…' _she smirked. You see, Shirley wasn't the nicest person. She got kicked out of high school for bullying and stealing the boys' underwear, where after she hoisted them up in the flagpole (the underwear, not the boys). And she couldn't resist fooling this weird guy.

"Why of course, I got the best turtle-tracking dogs in town! If you come with me, please." She pushed Saki before her to a large cage in the far corner of the shop. In there, several black, white, brown and reddish animals scurried around. "There! Just pick one!"

"Hm…" Shredder bent down and picked up one of the animals, a black one with white ears. He looked at it closely. _'Well, it's furry and it's got four legs, so it must be a dog. I cannot see anything that really could count as a tail, but it might have dropped it.'_

The animal peered at him with its black eyes. The Shredder melted. "Awe! It's so cute! How much?"

"Only 74 dollars and 62 cents, sir. And for only five dollars more, you get a nice leash too!"

16 minutes later, Shredder left the pet shop, leading his new pet in a pink leash. He went to Stockman's lab straight away.

"Look, Stockman! I got a dog!"

The man in the wheelchair turned around to face his master – and stared. "Eh, master, forgive me for saying this, but I don't really think that that is a dog."

"What do you mean?" Saki asked. "It's furry and it's got four legs, of course it's a dog."

"Yes, but there are other furry, four-legged animals, you know…"

Saki frowned. "Well, if it isn't a dog, then what is it?"

"I think you just got yourself a guinea pig."

The bad guy blinked. "A guinea what?"

"Pig. A guinea pig."

"But… I thought pigs were pink and said 'oink'."

"That's another sort of pig."

"Oh. But wait… that means… that I have been tricked! I asked for a dog, and the woman in the shop gave me a guinea pig! Okay, I'm going back there, and I want a real dog this time!"

His new guinea pig squeaked. Shredder picked it up and cuddled with it. "Don't worry, Prince Albert," he said in that typical voice you use when talking to babies. "I won't get rid of you, though! You will always be daddy's little darling, now won't you?"

Stockman's eyebrows almost disappeared in his hair. For a moment he was speechless. After a while, the only thing he could get out was "Pr… Prince… Albert?"

"Yeah, that's what I've decided to call him. Isn't he sweet?"

"…"

* * *

A wide grin spread over Donatello's face. He'd found the harbour! He looked around. "Bland så här många skepp, så bara _måste_ det finnas ett som går till Sverige!" **(6) **he said to himself. Then he frowned. "Problemet är bara att _hitta_ det…" **(7)**

Someone once said 'God protects drunks, fools and homosexuals.' Or was it drunks, fools and children? Hm… Anyway, God helped _this_ fool, because Don found _the_ ship without getting into trouble. It was a great passenger ship that also carried stuff such as computers, clothes and toys. It was called 'Mälarens flamma' **(8)**.

'_Vilket dumt namn,' _**(9)** Donnie thought. _'Fast det spelar ingen roll. Så länge jag kommer ombord så…' _**(10)**

But he had yet to figure out how to get aboard without a ticket. He leaned his chin against his hand. You could practically _see_ the little wheels spinning in his brain. Suddenly, he brightened and snapped his fingers. "Aha! Jag har en plan!" **(11)**

* * *

I know absolutely nothing about _My Little Pony_. I had a couple of plastic ponies once, but that must have been 12 or 13 years ago. I don't know if there is a wicked witch or any ponies named Flower and Starlight, but let's pretend that there is, eh? Flower and Starlight just seemed to me as very My Little Pony-ish.

Tell me, do you think that I should let Splinter join Mikey, Leo and Raph in their search for their insane brother, or is it better if he stays at home? I'm not really sure, so it's up to you!

**1. **Lucky I found this coat.

**2. **If I hadn't, I probably would've frozen to death. And there were so many of them that the nice reptiles and the rat probably won't miss it. I really hope that they won't get too sad when they discover that I've left. Now, which way leads to the harbour?

**3. **I guess I have to go up.

**4. **If I'm careful, there shouldn't be any problems.

**5. **So, which way's the right one?

**6. **Among such a large number of ships, there just _has_ to be one that goes to Sweden!

**7. **The problem is just to _find_ it…

**8. **Flame of Mälaren. (AN: Mälaren is a great lake. A big part of Stockholm, Sweden's capital, is lying on small islands in Mälaren.)

**9.** What a stupid name.

**10. **But it doesn't matter. As long as I get aboard…

**11. **Ah-ha! I've got a plan!


	11. Ticket, please

A man in his mid-thirties enters the stage. He smiles nervously and waves to the audience. "Eh, hi. My name's Brian, I was with in chapter eight. You don't remember? I sat in a mall dressed up as Santa Claus, but then some kind of loony showed up and started talking about what he wanted for Christmas, and after that everything just turned weirder and weirder… Anyway, now I'm unemployed, so Idun suggested that I could take care of the disclaimer for her. She cannot do it herself, since she choked and had to lie down from the shock of getting 100 reviews. Um… what's my line again? Gotta look at my note… ah. Here it stands: _Idun does not own the TMNT_. Just so you know. Bye!"

**Chapter 11: Ticket, please**

A figure wearing a blue jacket, a long skirt with red flowers on it, purple boots made of imitated snake skin, a green hat and an obviously fake moustache walked up the gangway of Mälarens Flamma. Stefan, the steward, gave the person a funny look. But since he were pretty used to strange passengers, he decided not to mind.

"Ticket, please," Stefan politely asked the figure, who didn't respond. Stefan decided to try his native language. "Biljetten, tack." **(1) **

"Åh. Ursäkta, men jag har ingen biljett." **(2)**

"I så fall kan jag tyvärr inte släppa ombord er, sir." **(3)**

The figure pouted. "Snälla?" **(4) **

"Det är mot reglerna, sir." **(5)**

"Än sen? Regler är till för att brytas!" **(6)**

Stefan looked at the figure sternly. The figure glared back. Their eyes were strangely… white.

At last they spoke. "Ledsen för det här, jag skulle inte göra det om jag inte måste. Men det är verkligen viktigt att jag kommer med på den här båten." **(7)**

Then, they used their big duffel bag to whack Stefan off the gangway and down into the water. Since Stefan had been working on the sea for several years, he had no problems getting up to the surface again, but he wasn't very happy when he looked up on the figure that called out "förlåt!" **(8) **before they ran up the gangway and disappeared.

Donatello – 'cause of course, it was him – which I'm sure you figured out about seven months ago – rushed alongside the deck, trying to find a hiding place. He knew that the steward would sound the alarm as soon as he got up from the water, and then the whole crew would look for the free passenger. _'Kom igen, kom igen, kom igen!'_ **(9)** he thought while he ran.

Suddenly, he spotted a door with a sign with the text 'Lastrum. Obehöriga äga ej tillträde'. **(10) **He smirked.

* * *

"Okay, if I was Donnie, and I had been electrocuted and thought that I was Swedish and wanted to go 'home' to Scandinavia, where would I go?" Michelangelo thought out loud. He, Raph, Leo and Splinter were trying to come up with some plan to find Don and get him home before he did something _really_ stupid. (Hah. As if he hadn't already.) 

"Probably to any place that could have some connection to Sweden," Leo said. "We are in New York, so the only ways to travel would be by train and by plane. He knows that, he isn't completely stupid."

"Wanna bet?" Raph mumbled. Leo ignored him.

"Since the airport doesn't lie in the actual city, it would be more practical to travel by boat. I guess Don's aware of that too."

Raph grunted.

"Even if he has decided to travel by boat, we still have a big problem," Splinter said. "There are many harbours in New York City." (Raph rolled his eyes.)

"I suggest we all split up," Splinter continued. "He can not have gotten far away, since he does not use the rooftop route anymore."

"You're coming with, Sensei?" Leo asked.

"Of course. As many as possible should go. It might be a good idea to call miss O'Neil and mister Jones as well."

Leonardo bowed. "As you wish, Sensei." Behind him, Raph and Mikey made gagging noises. (And can you blame them?)

20 minutes later, Splinter, Leo, Mikey, Raph, April and Casey were on a wild chase after their dear son/brother/friend/loony. The mutated animals had split up and were searching from the rooftops, while April took the Battle Shell and Casey his motorbike, which he called Katie, after the pet rabbit he'd had as a child. They all carried their shell-cells with them.

Even though they all put their shoulders to the wheel, they didn't find anything until 11.34 am. (Isn't it amazing how much can happen in only a couple of days?) It was Mikey who suddenly spotted something on the ground. After staring for quite some time, he brought up his shell-cell and pushed the button which made the call go out to everyone. "Hello?"

"_What is it?" _Raph.

"_Did you find him?" _Leo.

"_Have you seen anything, Michelangelo my son?" _Splinter. As if I had to tell you that.

"I haven't exactly seen _Donnie_, but I've found something else…"

"_So say it already, shell-fer-brains!" _Raph.

Mikey gulped. "If I said that the Shredder is walking down the sidewalk in his armour, with Hun and Foot Elite in tow, and holding a guinea pig in a leash, would you believe me?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… _You're kidding, right Mikey?" _April.

"Believe me April, I wish I was."

They all heard Casey gulp. _"So, um… Where are ya?" _

"Sixth and 17th. He's walking towards the Castle Clinton National Monument."

"_Oh." _Casey again. _"I've been there. It wasn't very impressing."_

"_Whatever." _Raph.

"So, eh, is there anything I should do about it?"

"_Do you think that Shredder has got something to do with Donatello's current position? Would we earn anything by following him?" _Splinter.

"How should I know? I–"

In that moment, Mikey was interrupted by a shout from the ground: "Ah-ha! Prince Albert has caught the scent! We'll find the turtle in no time!"

Mikey looked down. It seemed as if the Shredder were dancing a little jig on the spot, and praising the guinea pig at the same time.

"On second thought, Sensei… Yes, I think Shredder might actually help us."

* * *

Half an hour or so later, Shredder and his goons walked up the gangway of Mälarens Flamma. They were met by a sour Stefan. His hair had been ruined when he fell into the water, so he wasn't in his best mood. 

"Ticket, please."

"Ticket?"

"Yes, ticket."

"I don't need a ticket. I am the Shredder, a really bad guy who plans world domination in my free time and beat up people for fun!" He took off his helmet, partly to look more intimidating and partly because it was easier to laugh evilly without it. "Bwahahahaha!"

Stefan raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you are, but you still need a ticket. Otherwise, I cannot let you come aboard, sir."

Saki gave the helmet to Hun, crossed his arms and pouted. "Oh… please?"

Stefan shook his head. Shredder frowned, but then brightened and started searching through his pockets. (Now you're raising an eyebrow and thinking "but he's got no pockets on his armour!" But I'm the almighty author, and I say he _has_! Hah!) After a while, he hauled up a small piece of paper and gave it to Stefan. "See? A ticket!"

"It is a movie ticket for _Chicken Little_, sir."

"So? A ticket is a ticket."

"I am sorry, but that is not the case. If you don't have the right ticket, you cannot come aboard, sir."

You could practically see the steam coming from Saki's ears. "Alright, if that's how you want it, _fine!_" He turned around and started walking down the gangway again, shoving Hun and the Foot Elite before him. He threw a look over his shoulder and glared at Stefan. "We'll meet again!"

Stefan shook his head. Two loonies already, and it was barely time for lunch.

* * *

The three still American turtles, their father and their two friends had seen it all from behind of a few boxes, filled with dismountable rocking chairs that would be transported to New Zealand. 

"Do you think that Donatello is on that ship?" April asked.

"Well, it's got a Swedish flag painted on it, so it wouldn't surprise me," Leonardo answered.

"So, how do we get him?" Mikey wondered.

"If April and Casey make a diversion and distract the steward, the rest of us could use our cool ninjitsu abilities to get aboard without being noticed," Leo thought out loud.

They decided that the plan was as good as any, so the two humans approached the steward.

"Ticket, please," he said tiredly.

April gave him an apologizing smile. "I am sorry, but we are not here to go on that boat."

"No? Then why are you here?"

"We are… marketers!" Casey smirked. "If you answer a few questions, we'll send you a signed copy of _The Fellowship of the Ring _by J. R. R. Tolkien."

April hit him with her elbow and hissed "Tolkien is dead, you moron!"

"Oops."

Fortunately, Stefan didn't seem to notice. "Sure," he sighed. "What are the questions?"

"First, we want you to know that by taking the book, you are agreeing to participate in our study, and agree to hold this firm and our clients harmless in the event of your injury and/or death."

Usually, this would've gotten Stefan suspicious, but today, nothing could surprise him anymore.

"Which sports star do you like most?" started Casey.

"Only ones with criminal records, now!" April added.

"Cheese-flavoured milk," Casey said, "yes or no?"

A bit further away, three turtles and a rat impersonated tightrope dancers on one of wires that held the ship on place.

"Would you buy a toothpaste that made your spit look like blood?"

"Inflatable pants? Collapsible thigh zones, automatic basket extension, emergency buttock-cushioning action – sound good?" Casey asked. April glared at him. He gave her a look that said 'what?'

"Would you eat feathers? How about with a non-dairy topping?"

"How do you feel when I say this: 'pink budgie'?"

"Would you listen to a cd with chainsaw noises?"

There, it snapped for Stefan. He fell to his knees, begging: "I can't take it any more! Have mercy! Spare me, please! I've got a wife and 26 kids!" (As a matter of fact, he hadn't, but it couldn't hurt to lie a bit.)

In the corner of her eye, April saw Leo waving at her, a sign that meant: 'Okay, we're aboard, stop torturing the poor guy who has done nothing to you.'

"Thanks for participating," April said to Stefan. "We'll send the book by mail."

"…Okay…"

When they walked down the gangway, April whispered: "Where in the _world_ did you come up with all those sick questions? It doesn't surprise me that he broke down! I would've done it too!"

"What can I say?" Casey shrugged. "I read _Barry Trotter and the Dead Horse _by Michael Gerber. It gives you ideas."

"Remind me not to let you read any Barry Trotter books ever again."

"Sure."

* * *

"What do we do now, master?" Hun asked. He, Shredder, Prince Albert and Foot Elite were hiding behind earlier mentioned boxes with rocking chairs in them. They were trying to come up with a plan. 

"Well, we have to get with that boat. Usually, I would call for my army of Foot Ninjas and fix a massacre, but I'm feeling nice today. So, we shall use _that_ instead!"

The Shredder pointed to a small rowboat. His goons blinked simultaneously.

Foot Elite number 1 scratched his head. "Eh, I'm afraid that I don't really get it, master."

"Doesn't surprise me," Shredder grumbled. "Why am I the only one here with a brain? This is how we'll do it…"

* * *

Don't think that I ain't sorry for torturing poor Stefan like that, 'cause I am. Usually, I'm not that evil. 

The other day, I bought Enya's album "Amarantine" and found this song called 'Long long journey'. The lyrics immediately made me think of Don's current situation. If you want to read them, they're here: **http / www . oldielyrics . com / lyrics / enya / long long journey . html **(Put underlines between 'long' and 'long', and 'long' and 'journey'. And as usual, there shall be a colon and _two_ slashes after 'http'.)

Question thread added at Stealthy Stories! If you wonder what type of suicide Stockman prefers, or what Prince Albert thinks about his new master, that's the place to ask! Feel free to drop by!

**1. **Ticket, please. (AN: Well, duh.)

**2. **Oh. Excuse me, but I don't have a ticket.

**3. **In that case, unfortunately I cannot let you come aboard, sir.

**4. **Please?

**5. **It is against the rules, sir.

**6. **So what? Rules are made to be broken!

**7. **Sorry for this, I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to. But it is really important that I get on this boat.

**8. **Sorry!

**9. **Come on, come on, come on!

**10. **Cargo space. No admittance except on business.


	12. Stuff that happens on a boat, part 1

I don't think that I ever thanked you properly in my last chapter. So – THANK YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING! I've never before gotten 100 reviews for the same story, I just stared at the screen open-mouthed for several seconds when I noticed, and then I screamed right out – well, I screamed as good as possible, since I had a cold and a sore throat. Thank you all so much! I am forever in your debt!

I know that we aren't supposed to respond to reviews in the actual story, but this is an exception: I got a review from "Anonymous" who told me that I've made a mistake – Raphael is older than Donatello. He or she told me that it's a fact, not his or her opinion. I've never seen any facts concerning the subject, and my personal opinion is that Don is the older one. So, Anonymous, I appreciate that you pointed out my possible mistake, (bows to Anonymous) but Don's older than Raph in this story. K?

Disclaimer: Nope, they're not mine.

**Chapter 12: Stuff that happens on a boat, part 1**

Foot Elite number 3 frowned. "Let me see if I've understood this right, master… You want us to get into that little boat and row after the big ship?"

"Exactly! Admit it, none of you could ever have come up with that!"

Hun and Foot Elite looked at each other and shrugged. Shredder was right – he was the only one who would come up with that.

Foot Elite number 2 cleared his throat. "It seems like a good plan, master…"

"A good plan?" Shredder raised his eyebrows. "It's not a good plan. It's a perfect plan! It's brilliant and excellent! It's the Plan with a big P!"

"Yes, but what if we can't keep up with the ship?"

"What do you mean, 'what if we can't keep up'? We've got Hun, for crying out loud. He's got muscles for ten people. He can row circles around that ship."

Hun coughed nervously. "Well, normally I could, master, but I sprained my wrist the other day when I fell down the stairs three floors."

"Why on Earth did you fall?"

"I was running, master, and I tripped."

"That wasn't very smart. Did your mum never tell you not to run around in skyscrapers?"

"She sure did, master, but I was on my way to get more strawberry ice cream for you. You demanded I hurry."

Shredder looked thoughtful. "You're right, Hun. I remember now. Well, you should have been more careful. You could've spilled my ice cream when falling down the stairs."

"Yes, master."

Saki started pacing back and forth, dragging Prince Albert after him in the pink leash. "So, Hun's sprained his wrist and cannot row. Curses! My wonderful plan has failed before it even was put into action."

"We could hide in some boxes that'll get carried onboard," Foot Elite number 4 suggested.

Saki waved his hand. "Don't be an idiot, number 4, that's a stupid plan. Mine, on the other hand, is brilliant. We'll hide in some boxes that'll get carried onboard! Hah!"

Foot Elite blinked. Foot Elite number 4 blinked twice.

* * *

Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael and Splinter were hiding under a life boat turned upside-down. They had successfully gotten aboard, but couldn't start looking for Donatello straight away – they had to come up with a strategy first.

"My sons, we will search for your brother in teams. I will go with Raphael, and Michelangelo with Leonardo."

"Is it really safe to leave Leo with only Mikey to protect 'im, Sensei?" Raph smirked. "Since Don managed to knock 'im out in the sewers without any ninjitsu knowledge whatsoever, I don't wanna think 'bout what Don could do to Leo now."

Splinter smacked Raph's head with his cane. "Do not make fun of your brother, Raphael. It is not his fault that he was taken off guard and knocked unconscious."

You could see on Raphael that he wanted to say: "Taken off guard? He's a freakin' ninja, for Christ's sake! He's not supposed to let _anything_ take 'im off guard!" But he decided not to object anymore – Splinter's cane was pretty hard, after all.

So, they did what their Sensei wanted ad split up in teams. Leo and Mikey searched the port side, while Splinter and Raph took the starboard side (the one facing the dock).

"And remember, my sons, we must hurry," the old rat said. "The ship may leave any minute. We got to find Donatello and get off the boat before it is too late."

Leo bowed deeply, as the suck up he was. "We will hurry, Sensei. And we'll keep contact via shell-cell."

They went their separate ways.

* * *

As you may remember, Don had found a door marked "Cargo space. No admittance except on business". It was locked, but with a little help from a piece of pizza (with pepperoni and extra cheese) pressed into the keyhole, he managed to open it anyway. He walked down a staircase, opened another door, and found himself in the largest area he had ever seen – or at least the largest area he could _remember_ ever seeing, which might not be the same thing. It held hundreds of containers, put in straight lines and stacked on top of one another.

"Jösses…" **(1)** he gaped. Then he got curious. "Jag undrar vad som finns i containrarna?" **(2) **He went up to the container nearest to him and read on the consignment note. "'Mjukdjur, 1200.' Hmm… Jag gillar mjukdjur. Undrar vad för sort det är?" **(3) **He tried to open the door on the container, but it was locked. He frowned, and looked around after something that could help him in this moment of need. On the wall of the gigantic room, there was a red button behind a piece of thick glass. A sign over it said "Vid brand, krossa glaset". Below, there was the same text in English: "In case of fire, break the glass". Beside the sign, there hung an axe.

Donatello smirked.

* * *

"Mikey, what are you doing?" Leo asked. His younger brother had been making sniffing noises for the past ten minutes.

"I'm…" (sniff) "… trying…" (sniff) "… to catch the smell of pizza." (sniff sniff)

Leo tilted his head. "You are _what?_"

"Well, Donnie…" (sniff) "… _did_ take the pizza leftovers with him." (sniff sniff) "If anyone would be able to…" (sniff) "… find him by smelling the pizza, it would be me."

His oldest brother just looked at him for a moment. "You know what, you do have a point there. I don't even know why I asked."

They had started looking for their brother at the stern and worked themselves against the stem. They had checked behind benches, under life boats and even behind some of the chimneys, but no trace of Donnie.

"He must have found some way to get inside," Leo sighed. "And this is a big boat, I think it's a combined passenger ship and cargo ship. Searching the deck was hard enough. Considering that Don may be inside… I don't want to think about it."

"Look at it from the bright side, Leo –" Mikey put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "– they might have some food in there!"

Leonardo glared at him. "You know, if that was supposed to cheer me up, it didn't work."

Michelangelo shrugged. "It was worth a try."

"I guess we have to go in." Leo picked up his shell-cell. "But we better call Raph and Master Splinter first." He pushed one of the buttons and held the phone to his ear. A moment later, there was a clicking sound, and then Raph's grumpy voice.

"_Raph here. Who is it?"_

"It's me, Leo."

"_Ah, it's you." _Raph didn't sound excessively happy._ "What do ya want?" _

"Is master Splinter there?"

"_Yeah, here he is." _There was a scuffling sound, and then Splinter's voice:

"_What is it, Leonardo?"_

"We haven't found Don yet, so we thought that we should go in and look for him inside."

"_That sounds like a good idea. Raphael and I have not found anything either, so it might be possible that we join you inside soon."_

"Yes, master Splinter," Leo said and bowed, even though his Sensei wasn't even there (doesn't he make you want to puke?). Mikey shook his head and mumbled: "Okay, now he's just going too far."

* * *

Stefan sighed and wiped his forehead. To pry those six boxes onto the fork-lift truck had been harder than expected. But now he had managed to get all of them onboard and down into the cargo space. He frowned. The boxes were supposed to be filled with vegetables, but they seemed a lot heavier.

A horrible suspicion popped up in Stefan's brain.

He cautiously walked up to the nearest box and knocked on it three times. Nothing happened. Stefan let out a breath he didn't know that he'd been holding, and turned around to leave, when he suddenly heard a scuffling sound from inside of the box. Slowly, he turned back to the box.

"Eh…" he started, but was interrupted when the side of the box was suddenly kicked out by a foot clad in red bandages (AN: At least _I_ think the Elite's foot clothing looks like that…), and one of the guys which had accompanied the madman in the freaky armour stepped out.

He brushed off some lettuce from his shoulders and his hat, and cast a look at Stefan with creepy eyes that were glowing red. Apparently, Stefan wasn't interesting enough, because the figure didn't seem to care about the fact that he was there. He brought out a big scary double edged sword out of nowhere, and started to pry open the other boxes. Soon, he was joined by his three comrades and the giant man with the ponytail and tattoos.

When they opened the last box, the 'really bad guy who planned world domination in his free time and beat up people for fun' – Stefan could remember that he had presented himself as such – tumbled out.

"That's about time!" he hissed at Foot Elite and Hun. "You should always let your boss out first. He's the best and the coolest."

"Yes, master", they bowed.

Shredder scowled and did his best to get rid of small parts of carrots, corn and red and yellow paprika, which got stuck at several places on his armour. "And someone put the box upside-down, so I've practically been standing on my head for half an hour! What is it with people and not reading 'Fragile, this side up'-signs?" Suddenly, he spotted Stefan. "You! You're the one who wouldn't let me come aboard!"

Stefan frowned, and decided to talk some sense into this loony. "Sir, it is against the law to sneak aboard hidden in boxes. And you must pay for the vegetables that you have destroyed."

"Hah! I am the Shredder, and I do not need to pay for _anything_! Bwahahahaha!"

"I don't care if you are Marilyn Monroe, you must still pay for the vegetables… and for the ticket. I guess you still don't have one."

"Oh, so you're being cheeky, eh? I'll teach you what happens if you mess with me! You'll see who's the man!" He stretched out his right hand. "Rock, paper, scissors. Best of three. No one has ever beaten me before!"

Stefan stared first at the Shredder's face, then at his hand, and then at the face again. "… What…?"

The crazy man in the armour waved his hand again. "C'mon, just do it!"

Stefan sighed, and stretched out his hand.

Hun counted down. "One, two, th–"

_CRASH!_

They all jumped at the sound of something breaking loudly a bit further away. Shredder forgot all about the rock, paper, scissors tournament, rushed away and looked behind a corner. What he saw made his eyes widen.

"The turtle! C'mon, Prince Albert!"

No sign of the guinea pig.

"Prince Albert?"

Slowly, realization dawned on Shredder.

"OH NO! I HAVE LOST PRINCE ALBERT!"

* * *

You can see some great fanart from this story in the Art Work-section at Stealthy Stories! Drop by there! And don't forget about the question thread!

**1. **Geez…

**2. **I wonder what's in those containers?

**3. **'Stuffed animals, 1200.' Hmm… I like stuffed animals. Wonder what kind it is?


	13. Stuff that happens on a boat, part 2

Sorry for taking so long to update. I've been dragged out to an internet-less place far out in the forest (I _got_ to get wireless internet!). I really appreciate it that you're patiently waiting for me. ;-) Thank you all for reviewing, both anonymous reviewers and signed-in people!

In the last chapter, I totally forgot to thank Hakucho and GrimSqueker for helping me to come up with what should be in the containers. Sorry. And thank you!

Disclaimer: If I were to invent something, it would NOT be four mutated turtles running around in the sewers of NYC practising the martial arts.

**Chapter 13: Stuff that happens on a boat, part 2**

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God! I've lost Prince Albert!"

The great Oruku Saki had flipped out completely. He ran around at the speed of lightning (which is quite remarkable, considering the weight of that silly armour of his), calling out for his precious furry companion.

"Prince Aaaalbeeeeeeert! Where aaaaaaaareee yoooooooouuuuuuuu! Prince Aaaaalbeeeeeeert!"

The Foot Elite looked at each other, exasperated. This was just too pathetic.

"Why are we even working for him?" Foot Elite number 3 mumbled.

"Because it's hard for four extra-super-trained ninjas with cool hats, red glowing eyes and teleporting abilities to get jobs anywhere else," number 2 answered. "Remember before we started working for Shredder, and were looking for jobs? Not even the circus wanted us. They said we were a danger to the audience."

"Yes," number 4 said. "They wanted us to show what we could do, and number 1 almost decapitated one of the clowns with that double-edged katana."

"Well, it's not as if I meant to! He was in my way!" number 1 hissed. "And you shouldn't talk. Remember when we tried out for bellboys at Waldorf-Astoria? Your cloak got stuck between the elevator and the floor in the lobby, and then you almost strangled yourself as the elevator went up."

Number 4 growled, and it looked as if a fight was on its way to break out, when the other two Elite ninjas went between their pals. "Listen guys, just forget about that," number 2 said. "The point is, we all agree that we're working for a maniac. Sure, it's cool to be a Foot Elite ninja, but it comes with a price. And let's not forget that he does give us a generous payment."

"Not to talk about that free haircut we always get as a Christmas bonus," number 3 added.

Hun tapped Saki on the shoulder. "Um, excuse me, master, but what about the turtle?"

"The turtle?" Shredder hissed and glared at Hun. "Who cares about the _turtle? _Prince Albert's gone! I don't have the time to think about a stupid turtle! I order you all to start looking for Prince Albert!" He sniffed the air. "But you could take a shower first, Hun. Geez, what did you _do? _You smell like a badger that's died from eating too much fried beans."

"Well, it is not my fault that the only box my size contained garlic."

Once again, Stefan had lost his concepts. He had never before endured this much madness in one day. He stood there and tried to come up with a good way to hand in his resignation, but then decided not to give up. After all, he had been working on this boat for several years, he loved it as if it was his… well… his guinea pig, and so darn it if he was going to let it become a nuthouse without a fight.

He put up a determined face – and left to find the guards.

* * *

What has happened to Donatello? Let us jump back in time a few minutes…

As you remember, Don had found an axe on the wall. And since he was really curious about the stuffed animals in the container, what could make more sense than taking the axe down and using it to break the lock?

_CRASH!_

The container door opened and a herd of pink elephants tumbled out. Don picked one up.

"Åh, rosa elefanter! Vad söta! Undrar vem som ska ha dom?" **(1) **He was just about to look at the consignment note again, when he felt something on his foot. He looked down, and discovered something small and furry. He bent down and picked it up. "Men ser man på, ett marsvin? Var kommer du ifrån, lille vän?" **(2)**

In that moment, a head wearing a weird helmet popped around a corner about 100 feet away. It gasped and called out: "Prince Albert!"

The armour-clad figure came around the corner and stood with his arms crossed, while a gigantic guy with a platinum-blonde (obviously dyed) ponytail piled himself up behind him and four types in red cloaks took flanking positions. Donatello tilted his head to the left and mumbled: "Okej, jag har hört att man kan hitta precis vad som helst i New York, men det här är ju löjligt." **(3)**

The one in the armour spoke. "Hand over that guinea pig at once, turtle, if you value your life!"

Don frowned. "Hursa?" **(4)**

The Shredder glared at him. "So, you refuse, eh? Then we'll make turtle soup out of you!" (AN: My God, what a cliché, am I right?) He waved his prickly arm around and screamed "Hun, Foot Elite, ATTACK!"

When Donnie saw Shredder, Hun and the Elite ninjas rushing against him, he freaked and ran, still holding the guinea pig. This did not in any way please the Shredder.

"Don't worry, Prince Albert! I'll save you from the mean turtle! DIE GUINEA PIG-NAPPER!"

* * *

Leonardo and Michelangelo had found a door, marked 'Lastrum. Obehöriga äga ej tillträde.' **(5) **They didn't know what it meant, but decided that it was worth a try. It was locked (what is it with this boat and locked doors? Ts ts ts.) but Mikey opened it using the good old 'bang on the lock with your nunchakus until it breaks-technique'. Leo feared that the sound would drag attention to them, but Mikey just shrugged. They opened the door and went in.

"Shall we go right, left or forward?" Mike wondered.

"I'm not sure. Any suggestions?"

"Well, if I was Donnie, I'd keep on forward," Mikey said. "I read somewhere that maniacs prefer not to take any turns when they can avoid it."

Leo raised an eyebrow. "And where exactly did you read that?"

"I think it was in my Silver Sentry comic book issue number 454. He was fighting a mad scientist that never went to the right or left."

"And I assume you think that this is the same thing, since Donnie technically is a mad scientist for the moment?"

"Exactly!" Mikey exclaimed, not catching the sarcasm.

"Right."

* * *

In that very moment, Raph called out for his Sensei. He'd spotted a door with the text 'Lastrum. Obehöriga äga ej tillträde'. **(5… again) **At first, he hadn't thought very much about it, but when he noticed a piece of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese pressed into the keyhole, he got suspicious. "Eh, Sensei? Would ya come 'ere for a bit?"

Splinter came up to him. "What is it, Raphael?"

"Look." Raph gestured to the pizza-filled keyhole.

Splinter raised an eyebrow. "Is that a piece of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese pressed into the keyhole, my son?"

"I think it is, Sensei. It seems as if Donnie's been 'ere not too long ago."

"Indeed you are right. Let us enter and see where this door will lead us."

'_Geez, he's sayin' it as if it was a vortex to anotha'dimension or somethin',' _Raph thought, but followed his father through the door. "So, which way?"

"Let us keep on forward. That seems to be the most logical solution."

Raphael decided not to point out that Donatello wasn't really in the condition to think logically for the moment.

They had barely taken three steps before they literally bumped into Leonardo and Michelangelo. Of course, Leo freaked again.

"I am so sorry, Sensei! Please forgive me!"

"Do not worry, Leonardo, it is no big deal. I take it you have not seen Donatello?"

"No, master Splinter."

"In that case –"

In that very second, Donatello rushed past. His family barely caught a glimpse of him before he disappeared through the door with the pizza-filled keyhole.

"Was that Don?" Leo asked. No one had the time to answer before the Shredder, Hun and Foot Elite ran past and took the same way Don had taken.

It would not have been very surprising to see four big question marks appear above Leo's, Mikey's, Raph's and Splinter's heads.

"Huh?" was Mikey's intelligent comment.

They stood there with widened eyes for about eight seconds.

Then they ran after Don and the Bad Guys.

* * *

Stefan smiled against old mrs Mallowan and her husband. He had sent the guards to the cargo space, and thus put all responsibility on them. Now he was taking his shift as a waiter in the restaurant. "Here's your shrimp soup. What would you like for hot dish?"

"What?" mrs Mallowan said. Her hearing was not what it once had been.

"He was wondering what you'd like to eat, dear," her husband said.

Mrs Malllowan nodded and smiled. "Oh yes. Curtains with green stripes and golden fringes, please."

Stefan frowned. "Pardon, ma'am?"

Mr Mallowan gave Stefan an apologizing smile. "Just give her the kidney pie, please."

"I see. Thank you, sir."

In that moment, the door flew open, and a gigantic turtle wearing a purple piece of cloth stormed in. He crossed the dining hall and vanished. Before the guests and the staff could compose themselves, the door opened again, and a figure wearing armour, a huge man with his hair in a ponytail, and four mysterious persons with red cloaks rushed past. They had barely disappeared, before the door once more opened, and three more really big turtles and an overgrown rat followed in their footsteps. Stefan had to put in much effort so as not to slap his own forehead.

One of the waitresses, Kristina, collected herself and ran out into the kitchen. "Eric!" she called out to the chef. "You must immediately throw that soup overboard! I think the shrimps are too old, they're causing mass hallucinations!"

In the dining hall, Stefan and the rest of the staff fought to stay calm. Sure, some of the guests seemed to take the trauma pretty well, like mrs Mallowan for example ("Oh, lunch _and_ a show!"). But at least three guests had threatened to sue. And that wasn't enough…

"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! A rat!"

Everyone's looks were drawn to a table where a lady called miss Stein sat. Or, to be precise, she _had_ been sitting. Now she was standing on her chair, horrified, pointing to her plate, where a black and white guinea pig sat and happily munched on a piece of carrot.

* * *

"How… shall… we… save… Donnie… from… Shredder?" Mikey panted.

"I have an idea!" Leo called out. "Raph, Sensei, you two keep following them. Mikey and I take a shortcut and overtake them!"

"That's a splendid idea, my perfect son!" Splinter agreed. They split up, but since Leo always had to be perfect, he tried to bow to Splinter while still running. Needless to say, he tripped. Mikey was still snickering when the two of them crossed the deck and hid behind a chimney. Then, he suddenly went very quiet.

"So, now we only have to wait," Leo said and frowned at his baby brother. Mikey didn't answer at first – he was staring against the railing with widened eyes.

"What is it, Mike?" Leo asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Mike carefully took a few steps against the railing, and looked down. "Eh, Leo…? Isn't there supposed to be a dock here?"

* * *

So, that's chapter 13. I know it was short, but I wanted to update today. I don't know when I'll update next time, since I'm only in town temporarily – I'm going to Norway with my family, for example – but hopefully, it won't take too long.

**1. **Oh, pink elephants! How cute! Wonder who's going to get those?

**2. **Would you look at that, a guinea pig? Where do you come from, little fella?

**3. **Okay, I have heard that you can find absolutely anything in New York, but this is ridiculous.

**4. **Pardon?

**5. **Cargo space. No admittance except on business. (AN: In case you had forgotten.)


	14. Stuff that happens on a boat, part 3

Guys, you won't believe this, but we had a frog in the house the other day. We don't know how or when it got in, it was my uncle who discovered it. "You've got a frog under the table!" he roared with his officer-ish bass voice (he's a colonel). And before we could say "what?" the frog had hidden under mom's bed and we had quite some hard time getting it out. It was covered in dust when we managed to catch it, it looked as if it had taken a bath in a sack of flour. This has nothing to do with the story whatsoever, but I thought you deserved to know. ;-)

I did not think that I'd update this quickly, but the Norway trip got cancelled. My cousin's getting married in a few weeks, and there is no time for Norway if we are to go to the wedding.

Disclaimer: If they were mine, they'd live in Stockholm, Leo wouldn't be such a perfect teacher's pet, Donnie would be my boyfriend, and Shredder would act like he does in this fic. Do you understand why I don't own them?

**Chapter 14: Stuff that happens on a boat, part 3**

Leo rushed up to the railing, and looked down. Indeed, Mikey was right – where there had been a dock last time they looked, there now was water. He turned his head towards the stern. Far, far away in the horizon, he could dimly see the contours of the Liberty Statue and a couple of skyscrapers.

"On no! The ship's taken off!"

"No shit, Sherlock." Mike folded his arms.

"This is not the right moment to be sarcastic, Mikey. We gotta get the others immediately, and then we'll take a lifeboat and go back."

"Are you kidding? We'll never get home in a tiny little lifeboat! There must be hundreds of miles between us and New York now!"

Leo raised an eye ridge.

Mikey rolled his eyes. "Okay, maybe not hundreds of miles, but still too far for us to row. We'll never make it."

Leo frowned. "But we –"

"Look! There they come!"

Donatello came running towards them, with Shredder, Hun, and Foot Elite in tow, and Master Splinter and Raphael following _them_. It would have looked funny if it didn't look so pathetic.

Mikey and Leo hid just like before, and when Don rushed past, Leo grabbed his wrist and dragged him in behind the chimney. Of course, Shredder and his goons didn't notice but kept running. Since they no longer could see Don, Shredder jumped to the brilliant conclusion that he must have turned.

"C'mon, my loyal companions! Let's turn around this corner! We must get Prince Albert back!" He turned around a corner – and ran straight into one of the passengers. They ended up on the floor, and were soon joined by Foot Elite, who tripped over them. Surprisingly enough, Hun managed to stop before he fell, which was pretty lucky, otherwise he would have squashed his boss, the Elite ninjas and the innocent lady to jelly.

The lady gaped at them. "Vad i…?" **(1) **she started in Swedish.

Shredder jumped off of her and kept running. She stared after him, until she was helped up by Elite ninja number 4.

"I am so sorry for that, he's not really mentally stable," the Elite smiled and twirled his finger around beside his head in the typical 'crazy'-gesture.

"Right," she switched over to English.

Hun and Elite ninjas number 1, 2 and 3 took off after Shredder, but number 4 stayed for a bit more. "I hope you didn't hurt yourself."

The lady looked into his red eyes. "I'm all right."

"I am so happy to hear that. Maybe we could meet later and talk about this traumatically experience?"

"Oh, that would be wonderful, mister… um… what's your name?"

"You could call me number 4, everyone does. And may I ask who you are, my lady?"

"My name's Miss Lind, but please call me Julia."

"It will be a pleasure to do so, Julia."

"Shall we meet in the café at eight tonight, then?"

"I would be honoured."

And so, number 4 kissed Julia's hand and left. He felt as if he was walking on clouds.

* * *

Meanwhile, the turtles and their dad had taken cover behind a container on the deck. Donnie was surprised to see them again. "Åh, är ni här? Jag visste inte att ni hade saknat mig så mycket." **(2)**

His family looked at each other. "Um… yeah."

"What're we gonna do now, Sensei?" Mikey asked.

"Well, luckily enough, I brought the Swedish dictionary and a notebook complete with a pen and all," Splinter said and brought up said items out of nowhere.

"That's great, Sensei," Leo said and bowed. "I praise your superior mind."

"Oh, it was nothing," Splinter said and tried to conceal his self-righteous smile. "Any volunteers for writing a message to Donatello?"

"I can, Master Splinter," Mike offered. Splinter handed him the dictionary and the notebook complete with a pen and all.

"So, what shall I write?"

"How about –" started Leo, but his suggestion turned into a squeal. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!"

"'Eeeeeeeeekk'?" Mikey scratched his head. "Why should I write 'eeeeeeeeekk'?"

"A SPIDER!" Leo pointed frantically to the ground. Sure enough, there was a small spider crawling by, maybe half an inch long. And before you could say "this is the stupidest story I have ever read and I'm gonna sue", Raph, Leo, Mikey and Splinter had climbed the container with frightened eyes. Donnie looked up at them quizzically.

"A spider a spider a spider! We're all gonna meet our doom!" Mikey whimpered.

"I am too young to die! I haven't done all I want with my life yet! For example, I have not been stealing women's underwear from a laundry line!" Raph whined.

"Where's April when you need her?" Leo desperately asked no one in particular. "She would have showed that spider who's the boss!"

Donatello followed their terrified looks. He shone up. "Titta, en spindel! Vad söt den är!" **(3) **To the horror of his family, he went down on his knees to study the small animal a bit closer.

"Donatello! _Get away from that spider!_" Splinter hissed, in some kind of vain hope that his second oldest son would understand. Don looked at him and frowned. He read his family's mimicry pretty well, and slowly asked: "Ni är inte _rädda_ för spindeln, eller hur?" **(4) **When the others didn't respond, only stared at the spider, frozen in terror, a wide smile spread over Don's face. "Jo, det tror jag faktiskt att ni är. Ni är rädda för spindeln. Hur i hela världen skulle den kunna skada er? Vira in er i spindelväv?" **(5)**

"Is he making fun of us?" Mikey asked.

"It actually looks that way, my son," Splinter said.

Leo took a deep breath. "Okay guys, we're ninjas. We won't let ourselves be treated like this. Pull yourselves together now, and let us face the danger bravely!"

His brothers and father looked at each other, nodded, and jumped down from the container. Don smiled against them. "Ser ni? Det var väl inte så svårt, eller hur?" **(6)**

Splinter, Leo, Raph and Mike looked first at Don, then at each other, and then at the spider. They actually felt quite relieved. So far, the spider hadn't done anything to hurt them. Maybe it wasn't so dangerous after all.

The spider moved.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"Where have you been?" Foot Elite number 1 hissed, when number 4 caught up with them. "You're lucky Shredder hasn't noticed your absence yet." 

"Sorry," number 4 said, "but I have a date tonight."

"You have a _what?_" His three companions stared at him.

"Her name's Julia," number 4 smiled. "She's the most beautiful person I have ever seen. We're gonna meet in the café at eight."

Elite number 1, 2 and 3 looked at him, flabbergasted. "How in the world did you manage to get a date?" number 3 asked.

"Hey, I'm not that ugly!"

In that moment, they passed the restaurant again. Mrs Mallowan and her husband were on their way out. Shredder grabbed mrs Mallowan's arm.

"Have you seen my guinea pig, ma'am? His name's Prince Albert. He's small and furry. Have you seen him?"

"What?" mrs Mallowan asked.

"He was wondering whether you have seen his pet, dear," her husband said.

Mrs Mallowan smiled against the Shredder. "In the pencil box, sir. On the desk, berth number 264."

"In the _pencil box?_" Shredder gasped. Before mr Mallowan could explain to his wife that the tin-man had asked for a _pet_ and not a _pen_, Shredder was off again, followed by Hun and the Elite ninjas.

"Please… master…" Elite number 3 panted. "Could… we… take… a… break… soon…? We… have… been… running… for… hours… now…"

"There will be no breaks until Prince Albert has been found!" Shredder hissed. He wasn't really out of breath, since he was an alien and his exo-suit did all the work. "Shut up and keep running!"

After running a bit more, they reached the corridor with all the berths with 200-numbers lay. They found a door that was marked '264' with big brass digits.

"Hun, kick the door open!" Saki ordered.

Hun frowned. "But, master, shouldn't we knock first…?"

"KICK IT OPEN!"

Hun kicked the door down, and they all rushed in – only to stand face to face with a man clad in tweed, with an impressing red moustache and a monocle. He didn't look very happy.

"Would you, gentlemen, be so kind and please explain this unexpected attack on my door?" he asked, with a stereotypical British accent.

"I'm here to get Prince Albert!" Shredder snarled. "Let me in!"

"I am afraid that there are no, as you say, 'Prince Albert' here, sir. I was not even aware of the fact that he existed. I have heard of Prince Charles, Prince William and Prince Harry, they are members of our honourable, glorious and respected Royal family." He put one hand on his heart.

Shredder didn't look too impressed. "I don't give a darn about your relatives. And what do you mean, 'he's not here'? This is berth number 264, right?"

"As a matter of fact it isn't, sir. It is berth number 294. The 9 has fallen over, so it looks like a 6. And I do ask you to express yourself well-mannered in the Queen's English. Anyway, you have arrived just in time to interrupt me at tea-time. _I do not enjoy getting interrupted at tea-time._" He tilted his head, as if he had come to think of something. "Who is Prince Albert?"

"Prince Albert's my guinea pig. He's been kidnapped by a giant turtle, but I'll get him back!" Shredder sniffed. "I really, really miss him. He's the cutest guinea pig ever seen… and his fur is black and white… and… and…" Saki's under lip started to shiver.

The British gentleman frowned. "Oh dear, oh dear." He patted Shredder's tin-covered arm. "Would it feel better if you had a nice cup of tea?"

"Yes please," Shredder sobbed. He let the man with the red moustache lead him into the roomy berth, where he plopped down in an armchair. The man poured out some tea in a cup.

"Lemon?"

"Sure, why not."

"May I ask about your name, sir?"

"Oroku Saki, also known as the Shredder. I'm an evil alien and have plans concerning World Domination," Shredder sighed.

"World Domination, you say? Jolly good." The man sipped on his own tea. "My name is Lord Somerset, I live at Somerset Hall outside of Liverpool. I have decided to go on this cruise, since I have never seen neither New York nor Sweden. Interesting place, New York, although it cannot match Britain, of course." He started humming on _God Save the Queen _and looked out the little window for a while, before he turned his attention back to Saki. "I am so sorry for the loss of your guinea pig, old chap. I had an Arabian full blood horse once, Sir Fitzroy De Lancey XVII, and he just vanished. One day he was there, the other he was not. Extraordinary, indeed."

"Yeah," Shredder agreed, "seems weird."

"You said a giant turtle has captured Prince Albert?" Lord Somerset raised an eyebrow.

Shredder nodded, and during the next twenty-eight minutes, Lord Somerset got to know everything hat had happened to the villain the last few days.

"Oh dear, oh dear," he said again, when Saki was finished. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

**

* * *

**

**Several hours later… **

"… So now, I've been an evil Elite ninja and worked for a madman for several years," number 4 finished his story to Julia. "And he's looking for his guinea pig and the mutated ninja turtle here at the boat."

Julia beamed at him. "That sounds wonderful."

"So, where do you come from, my beauty?"

"I was born in Gothenburg, but my family moved to Stockholm when I was seven," Julia said. "I have been in New York for three weeks, and now I'm on my way home."

"I see."

Number 4 took a pelargonium from the flower pot, brushed off a plant louseand handedthe flowerto Julia. "Here… although it is not as beautiful as you, of course."

Julia giggled. "I'm sure you say that to all girls."

"Oh no, not at all, you are special, Julia."

"Really?"

"Yes."

For a while, they didn't say anything, only sat there, staring deeply into each others' eyes. The enchanting moment was broken when Julia reluctantly rose. "I must go now."

"Oh." Number 4 looked disappointed. "May I escort you to your room?"

"Yes, of course."

They left the café, and went to berth number 332. They stopped outside of the door.

"So… do we see each other tomorrow?" Julia asked.

"I would be delighted."

He kissed Julia's hand again, and she disappeared through the door. For a moment, number 4 stared at the closed door, as if Julia suddenly would open it, throw his arms around him and confess her undying love for him. When he realized that so wasn't the case, he turned around and lent against the wall. His face took that silly grin that no one ever wears for real, but that really weird writers use as a last resource when they absolutely _suck_ at writing romantic scenes.

"I think I'm in love…"

* * *

I would have liked to make that last scene a bit longer, but what can I say? I cannot write romance to save my life… (apologizing shrug) 

**1. **What the…?

**2. **Oh, are you here? I didn't know you had missed me that much.

**3. **Look, a spider! How cute it is!

**4. **You are not _afraid_ of the spider, are you?

**5. **Yes, I actually think you are. You are afraid of the spider. How in the world would it be able to hurt you? Wrap you up in cobweb?

**6. **You see? That wasn't so hard, now was it?

Until next time!

Idun


	15. Land ahoy!

My deepest apologies for this HUGE delay. Some stuff has happened in my life that made it hard for me to write something funny, and I have had writer's block too. Please don't hurt me!

**ATTENTION!** I have decided to jump forward in time a bit – there is a limit concerning how many chapters can be named "Stuff that happens on a boat". I'm pretty sure that it takes more than three days for a ship to cross the Atlantic Ocean (well, duh), and I find it highly unlikely that a ship would pass Gothenburg and round Denmark and the south coast of Sweden (look at a map to know what I'm talking about) without anchoring anywhere, but what the shell, this is my story. This boat's going straight to Stockholm. So there. And I'm also aware of that Stockholm doesn't lay _directly_ by the sea (like New York does), but I'm moving the city out to the coast.

Disclaimer: On a lamppost, there's a note stuck with a piece of tape. It reads: _They are not mine. How many times do I have to tell you that? Ts ts ts. Love, Idun._

**Chapter 15: Land ahoy!**

"What time is it?" Mikey asked.

Splinter sighed, and picked up a watch from Donatello's magic bag of tricks. "3.42 pm, my son."

"Fer how long have we been on this freakin' boat?" Raph grumbled.

"Since noon… three days ago."

"Great."

The turtles and Splinter were no longer very upset concerning the fact that they were stuck on a boat on its way to Scandinavia – they figured that they as well could deal with what their destiny had in mind when that time came. Or, more precisely, _Splinter_ figured that they as well could deal with what their destiny had in mind when that time came. Leo, of course, agreed with him, Raph and Mikey didn't bother to make a fuss about it – even if they thought it was the stupidest thing they'd ever heard – and Donnie didn't get it anyway. No one had the energy to translate all that rubbish into Swedish.

They had spent most of the time hidden in the container that, until recently, had been filled with stuffed pink elephants. It was quite roomy, so they didn't have to crowd themselves together. In fact, Mikey had fixed up the place, so now it was pretty nice – for being a container on a cargo ship, that is. He had snatched some blankets from a lifeboat, and sneaked into the kitchen for some snacks once or twice. Much appreciated – the pizza Don had brought wouldn't last forever. Or rather, much appreciated by everyone but Leo, who wasn't taking the sea too well…

_**FLASHBACK**_

_Mikey went up to Leo who was hanging over the railing, looking pretty pale. The oldest turtle had stopped worrying about being seen – after the scene in the dining hall, people either thought that they were hallucinations or some kind of circus artists anyway – actually, he didn't worry about much at all anymore._

_Mikey put a comforting hand on Leo's shoulder. "Don't worry, bro, so far no one has died from sea sickness."_

"_Don't say that," Leo whined, "right now, the hope of a soon death is the only thing keeping me alive."_

_Mike raised an eye ridge. "Um…" _

_What he was going to say after "um" we will never get to know, since Leo's eyes widened in that moment, he bent forward and threw up a bit more._

'Geez,' _Mikey thought, _'poor guy. And we've only been on this blasted boat for seven hours. I so don't look forward to the rest of the trip.' _He patted Leo on the head awkwardly._

_**END FLASHBACK**_

While the turtles and their very own rodent were either in the container or on deck watching Leo vomiting, Shredder was looking for _his_ very own rodent.

Yes, Prince Albert was still missing. Saki was totally beside himself. He spent all his time either searching, crying his eyes out or sitting apathetic in Lord Somerset's berth, gulping down Earl Grey tea with a drop of lemon. The British guy did his best to comfort him. He had even promised a big reward to anyone that found the guinea pig – 36902313465789, 66 pounds, to be precise. Because of that, several dishonest individuals had brought forth false, more or less believable Prince Alberts (one was a mini pig in a pink dress). The Shredder wasn't fooled, though, and would have ripped both the hoping-to-soon-be-billionaires and the fake Prince Alberts to pieces, if it wasn't for Lord Somerset assuring him that suing would be a much more painful punishment. A month ago, the old British fellow never would have said such a thing, but after a few weeks in the US, he had become slightly Americanized (AN: no offence, Americans!). The Alien-American reluctantly agreed.

Number 4 was happier than ever before. He had spent every day with his new found love. Although a cruiser isn't the most romantic place on Earth, they liked to take moonlight walks on the deck, staring at the stars. They had yet to kiss (on the mouth, that is, they had lost count of how many times number 4 had kissed Julia's hand and she had kissed his cheek), but there was no doubt that it was gonna happen in a soon future – at least, that's what the other Elite ninjas thought.

"He's lost it," number 1 said, as they watched their love-struck companion writing a love poem to the young woman.

"Yeah," number 3 agreed and shook his head sadly. "He really could've become something. But no, he had to devote his heart to that girl." Number 2 settled for just sighing.

"Guys, help me out here," number 4 interrupted them. "I've written a poem to Julia, I want to know what you think about it." He cleared his throat. His friends backed away.

"_So wonderful, your looks,_

_The opposite from the cook's,_

_Your eyes as blue as the sky,_

_Lovelier than apple pie, _

_Your lips as red as blood,_

_Not at all like mud,_

_For you I could go to the end of the world and back,_

_Bashing mannequins until they crack,_

_I'd do anything for you_

_And I hope you love me too._

So, what do you think?"

Number 1, 2 and 3 were dumbstruck. There simply wasn't anything to say. It took several minutes before number 2 found his words.

"Um, what exactly do you mean with 'bashing mannequins until they crack'?"

"Julia's scared of them. They give her the creeps. And I'm gonna protect her from them!" Number 4 struck a silly superhero pose.

Number 2 nodded slowly. "Okay then. As long as we're on the same page."

* * *

Donny kept Leo company at the railing, trying to comfort his older brother by speaking a language which the older turtle couldn't understand. "Ta det bara lugnt, Leo. Jag förstår att du vill spy upp dina inälvor, och att det känns som om allt och alla är emot dig, men jag är säker på att vi är framme snart, ska du se." **(1)**

In that moment, his eyes widened and his face split in a big grin. "Vad var det jag sa? Vi är här! Land ohoj!" **(2) **And sure enough, land could be seen at the horizon. Donatello rushed over the deck, through the door marked 'Lastrum – Obehöriga äga ej tillträde', and down the stairway. In fact, he rushed extra much there, since his ninja balance was gone and he therefore tripped and rolled down the last seventeen steps. He didn't let that stop him, however, and ran up to the container in which his Sensei and two of his brothers were playing Go Fish.

"LAND OHOJ, ALLIHOPA!" **(3)** he screamed happily. "Sverige väntar på oss! Kom upp och titta!" **(4)**

He dragged his confused family after him.

* * *

Julia sat in her berth, dreaming about a certain someone, when she suddenly saw land through her window. "Åh, är vi redan framme?" **(5)** she asked herself. "Antar att tiden går fort när man har roligt. Bäst jag börjar packa." **(6)**

She brought up her suitcase from under the bed. When she opened it, she dropped her jaw. "Prins Albert?" **(7)**

Yes, Shredder's beloved pet had been in her suitcase the whole time. 'Why?' you may ask. Well, it was a nice suitcase. Roomy. Warm. Pink. Matched the furry pet's leash and all.

Julia picked up the small animal and patted it. "Vad söt du är! Jag ska ta med dig till din husse. Efter vad jag har hört, har han saknat dig förfärligt." **(8)**

Prince Albert squeaked something that could mean either yes or no, or maybe something completely different. I don't know, I do not speak guinea pig language. I'm just the narrator.

Right then, there was a knock on the door and number 4 entered with a bunch of daffodils. "For you, my love!" he declared.

"Oh, number 4, they're wonderful! And guess what I just found?"

"What?"

"That pet your boss has lost!" Julia held out Prince Albert. Number 4 took him. "That's great, Julia! I'll leave him back at once, it'll cheer my master up. I cannot stand seeing him like he is now, it's tragic." (Little did he know that his three friends were saying the same about him.) "Do you want to join me?"

"Sure. I have heard so much about that Shredder, it would be interesting meeting him in person."

The two love birds made their way to berth number 294. Number 4 knocked politely. "Excuse me?"

Lord Somerset opened the door and recognized number 4 as one of his new friend's servants. "Yes?"

Number 4 bowed and Julia curtsied. "We have something for my master, sir. Please let us in," asked the Elite ninja.

Lord Somerset raised a red eyebrow but stepped aside.

"Master?" number 4 said nervously.

"Yeah, what is it?" Shredder growled. We already know that he wasn't in his best mood.

"We… we found this, master."

Shredder looked at what his minion was holding – and lit up like a bunch of… a bunch of… of… a bunch of very shiny things. "PRINCE ALBERT! YOU'RE BACK! I WAS SO WORRIED!"

He snatched up the little creature and cuddled with it. "Oh-my-little-sweetie-daddy-has-missed-you-so-much-did-you-miss-daddy?-I-worried-so-much-about-you-thank-goodness-you're-back-what-happened-did-the-mean-turtle-do-anything-to-you-are-you-all-right?" He said all that in one single breath. Number 4, Julia and Lord Somerset gave him looks.

* * *

"Dude, there's land!" Mikey exclaimed.

"Thanks fer pointing that out, Captain Obvious," Raph said. "I never would've guessed."

"My sons, now is not the time to fight. How are you feeling, Leonardo?"

Leo raised his head and looked at his father. His face was pale and sweaty. "I've been better, master."

"I can see that," Raphael agreed. "Ya look like you've been run over by a bus." He made a pause, just for effect. "Twice."

Leo gathered the strength to glare at him. He was on his way to say something, when Don bumped into his shoulder in what was meant to be a friendly punch, but nearly knocked the weak, blue-clad turtle over. "Ser du? Nu är vi där! Hallå Sverige! Jag är HEMMA!" **(9)**

* * *

Yes, I know it isn't the longest chapter, but it isn't the shortest either! And there will be more of the turtles and Splinter in chapter 16. I promise!

About that "afraid of mannequins"-thingie… well… okay, I admit it, it comes from me. I think they are creepy. I mean, there I am, shopping clothes, meaning no harm, when I turn around and discover one of those _things_ staring at me with lifeless eyes… Ugh. Freaky.

**1.** Just take it easy, Leo. I understand that you want to puke up your guts, and that it feels like everything and everyone is against you, but I'm sure we're there soon, you'll see.

**2.** What did I tell you? We're here! Land ahoy!

**3.** LAND AHOY, EVERYONE!

**4.** Sweden awaits us! Come up and have a look!

**5.** Oh, are we there already?

**6.** I guess time goes fast when you're enjoying yourself. I better start packing.

**7.** Prince Albert? (AN: Duh. You need no translation to figure that out.)

**8.** How cute you are! I'll bring you to your master. After what I've heard, he's missed you terribly.

**9.** You see? Now we're there! Hello Sweden! I'm HOME!

Until next time (which won't take as long)!

Idun


	16. Reaching their destination

I know I'm late again, sorry. I was attacked by writer's block, but since Christmas is coming up, I decided to get off my lazy ass and do something about it. This chapter is my combined Christmas present and birthday gift for you. (What? Since when is it a crime to give people presents on your own birthday?) Yes, I'll be 20 tomorrow, the 22d of December.

I have the great pleasure to inform you that this story was voted Second Best Parody in the TMNT Fan Fiction Competition 2006! Yay! Thanks, everyone who voted for and nominated me!

**IMPORTANT INFO!** Djurgården is a city part in Stockholm. Here lie both Skansen and Gröna Lund. Skansen is kind of a big park. It's partly a zoo with mostly domestic animals, but also a place to just wander around and have a picnic and stuff. Every year, they have a Christmas market where you can buy all kinds of Christmas-related stuff. For more info about Skansen, go to **www . skansen . se **and click "In English". Gröna Lund is an amusement park, parts of it are open during the time of the year that this story takes place. I guess that great boats not usually anchor at Djurgården, but Mälarens Flamma will. So there.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but neither do you, so we're equal.

**Chapter 16: Reaching their destination **

As Mikey and Leo sneaked away to "borrow" some coats, caps and mittens, Splinter hurried to write a note to Donatello with a little help from the dictionary – one could never know whether he was going to disappear again as soon as the ship anchored. Unfortunately, he didn't succeed very well with the grammar.

_Donatello,_

_Leonardo, Raphael och Michelangelo är din broders. Jag är din far. Du har förlorade din minne. Oss leva in New York och har till åka hem fort. Din är inte Svenska. Inte spring när vi stoppa. Stanna med vi. Måste hålla ihop._

_Splinter _**(1)**

Donnie read the note that was handed to him. He raised an eye ridge and then looked at his father. "Vet du vad? Det där måste vara den _sumpigaste _grammatik jag någonsin har stött på. Fast jag fattar i alla fall." **(2) **He put a comforting hand on Mikey's shoulder. "Oroa er inte för att bli borttappade i folkmassan. Håll er bara nära mig så ska ni se att allt kommer att gå bra." **(3)**

Raphael mumbled: "Why do I get this feelin' that everythin' will go wrong?"

* * *

Stefan sighed happily. Mälarens flamma would stay in Sweden for three days before going back to New York, which meant he and the rest of the crew got a short-term leave. He was going to visit the annual Christmas market at Skansen – that would be some nice relaxation after the stressful crossing over the Atlantic. He still couldn't quite understand who – or even _what_ – those strange overgrown animals were, not to mention the crazy guy in the armour. They made him confused and freaked him out. Getting away for a couple of days would be great.

As the ship anchored and he strolled down the gangway, he failed to notice five shadows getting ashore in their own special way.

"Allvarligt talat, Splinter, jag fattar inte varför vi ska klättra nerför det här repet för att komma iland. Kan vi inte bara ta landgången?" **(4)**

The rat figured that using the gangway was too risky, so the mutated family used a nearby rope to get down to the wharf and feel some real ground under their feet again. Naturally, this brought great joy to Leonardo. And, just as naturally, it brought great confusion to Donatello. He couldn't understand why he was clinging onto a rope, with Leo, Mikey and Raph under him and Splinter above him, instead of walking down the perfectly useful gangway.

Splinter smiled, bent down and patted the confused turtle's shoulder in, what he thought, was an encouraging way. Unfortunately, since Donnie wasn't much of a ninja anymore, that was all it took for him to lose his grip on the rope. Leo, who was directly under him, grabbed the collar of his coat as he flew by and managed to stop him from falling down and land in the undoubtedly cold water. The added weight, though, made him slide down the rope, faster and faster. He crashed into first Mike and then Raph, bringing them with him, whereupon all the turtles landed on the wharf in a heap – right in front of the widened eyes of Stefan. He screamed and ran.

Their father landed beside them with grace and elegance, paying no attention to the hysterical human, who was leaving very quickly. "My sons? Are you all right?" he asked the mess of shells, arms and legs before him. With some difficulty, Raph's head popped up. "Nevah… been… bettah," he groaned. "What makes ya think otherwise, Master?"

"Never mind." Splinter shook his head. "I do not know why I asked."

Donnie crawled out of the heap and managed to stand up on wobbly legs. He looked around and tilted his head. "Vänta lite, säg inte att…" **(5)** He brightened. "Jag är på Djurgården! Äntligen! Dags för lite kul!" **(6)** he beamed.

He was about to rush off again, but Splinter grabbed his arm and looked at him sternly. His brothers got on their feet and surrounded him. Their body language practically _screamed:_ "We're staying _right here_!"

Don frowned at them before smiling again. "Kom igen, var inte såna glädjedödare. Ni kan ju hänga på!" **(7)**

His family's expressions did not change. Donny was getting a bit annoyed with them, and was about to say something when they heard a shout.

"It's those blasted turtles again! CHARGE, PRINCE ALBERT! Oh, and the rest of you, too."

The mutated ninjas looked up just in time to see the Shredder, Hun and three of the Foot Elite rushing against them. A guinea pig perched on Saki's shoulder.

"Great! I've been dyin' for some butt-kickin', haven't beaten anything up for days!" Raph smirked and twirled his sais. Splinter, however, had different ideas.

"This is not the right place, nor the right time for an argument! Quickly, my sons, run!"

He started doing just that, followed by Mikey and Leo, who dragged a confused Donatello after him. Raph refused to move. "No way! I ain't gonna run away from a fight!"

"Get moving, Raph, or I'll have Donnie paint your sais blue and yellow!" Mikey shouted.

His older brother paled. "Well, some runnin' now and then never hurt anybody!" He took off after his family, the bad guys close on his heels.

"Come here, you stupid reptiles! Prince Albert and I have some things to tell you!" Shredder screamed. He turned his head to look at his companions, and nearly tripped. "Keep running, my loyal minions!"

Number 3 frowned. "I'm… almost… getting… jealous… of… Number 4 now," he panted.

"You're… kidding… right?" number 1 hissed. "I… don't… know… what's… worse, being… with… the Shredder… or… with Julia!" Number 2 nodded. They all thought about what had happened earlier that day…

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_So, I guess this is where we part," Julia said, her eyes glistening with tears._

"_Yes." Number 4 had never felt so sad. "I'm gonna miss you, Julia."_

"_I… I…" Julia burst out in tears. Number 4 held her in a close embrace as she sobbed hysterically. "I don't want to leave you, number 4! I love you! I have never felt like this before!"_

_The Elite also started crying. "I love you too, Julia! You're the only one for me!"_

"_WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"_

"_WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" _

_Foot Elite numbers 1, 2 and 3 popped their heads up from behind a life boat. "Geez, number 4, why don't you just leave the Foot and marry her already!" Number 2 rolled his eyes._

_The two lovers both stopped crying. They first looked at number 2, then at each other. They started grinning._

_Three pairs of eyes widened. "No. No no no! I didn't really mean that!" number 2 stuttered, but it was too late. Number 4 sunk to one knee and took Julia's hand. "Julia Lind, I adore the ground you walk on. I worship your beauty. I hold everything that's got anything to do with you close to my heart. I love you, Julia. Will you marry me?" _

_The large blue eyes of Julia beamed. "Of course I will!" she gasped and kissed him._

_Number 1 and 3 groaned and hit number 2 over the head._

**_END FLASHBACK _**

The three Elite ninjas were so caught up in their thinking that they nearly ran into a fifty-two-years-old lady, who had been sitting on a bench tossing bread crumbs to the ducks not a minute ago, while trying to figure out the meaning of life or something else deep I cannot come up with. She was interrupted in her philosophizing when five mutants, one alien, four humans and a guinea pig ran past.

(Later, this lady told her family about this strange encounter. At first, they thought she was pulling their legs, and when they found out that she indeed wasn't, they put her in the nuthouse. There she used 17 rolls of toilet paper and her lipstick to write a book about her meeting with the giant reptiles and the other freaky people and called it _A Mentally Stable, Not Insane In Any Way Whatsoever Woman Remembers_. It immediately became a bestseller on the black market and she got quite some royalties. She used some of the money to bribe the "nice men in white coats" to let her out of the nuthouse. She wrote several books after that, with titles such as _I Am Not A Loony! _and _My Relatives' Reactions When I Told Them That They Weren't In My Last Will._ She moved to Mongolia and lived happily ever after. Her name was Anna-Karin Stromberg. This is of no relevance to the story whatsoever, but I thought you might be interested. Or not. Whatever.)

"My sons! This way!" Splinter shouted. The turtles turned and followed their father through a wide gate. They rounded a corner – and stood dumbfounded. Whatever they had expected, this wasn't it.

Mikey found his voice first. "Cool! A roller coaster!"

Master Splinter, Leonardo and Raphael groaned. This day was getting worse by every minute.

* * *

Yep, I brought Stefan back into the picture! Couldn't leave one of my favourite OCs to his fate, now could I? There will be more of him later!

**1. **Donatello,

Leonardo, Raphael and Michelangelo is your brother's. I am yours father. You has lost yours memory. Us lives in New York and has to got home quickly. Your is not Swedish. Not run when we stops. Stays with we. Must stay together.

Splinter (A/N: Yes, I screwed up the grammar on purpose.)

**2.** You know what? That has to be the _lousiest_ grammar I have ever run into. But I get it anyway.

**3. **Don't worry about getting lost in the crowd. Just stay close to me and you'll see that everything will work out fine.

**4.** Seriously speaking, Splinter, I don't understand why we shall climb down this rope to get ashore. Couldn't we just use the gangway?

**5.** Wait a minute, don't tell me…

**6.** I'm at Djurgården! At last! Time for some fun!

**7.** Come on, don't be such kill-joys. You can come with!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!


	17. Fun and games at Djurgården, part 1

(quietly sneaks in, looks around, takes a deep breath) Eh, hi. Bet you didn't expect me, eh? I am sorry, really, I am. It's just that… well… all the inspiration left me, just like that, and I couldn't seem to find it. Each time I opened the document and tried to write something, I just sat there and blankly stared at the screen. I promise that I have really tried!

There are several people who deserve one shell of a thank you for helping me out with updating. First **sunnysunshineRM** and **Sewer Slider**, who both threatened to come and kick my butt if I didn't get off my lazy ass and update (well, they might not have used those exact words, but that's what they _meant_). Also **Mickis**, whom I met in Stockholm a couple of months ago, and who gave me some tips about what could happen to the turtles there. **AC Poole/Efiwyvan**, who technically hasn't had anything to do with this at all, but updated _her_ stories much quicker than I and thus, unknown to her, put a lot of pressure on me. Also, **OWanwaEldo** has given me such nice comments that I felt like updating was the least I could do for her. **CrazyRabidPony** also sent some plot bunnies after me. And, last but not least, all of you **readers and reviewers**. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't feel guilty for not updating the story. Thank you all! (bows)

Oh, and Nils? If you're reading this, hi! Glad this story caught your interest.

Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT or Gröna Lund (and I know that not all of Gröna Lund is open in the winter, but what the shell, let's _pretend_, shall we?). However, I do own the plot and the OCs. Try to plagiarize and you're dead.

**Chapter 17: Fun and games at Djurgården****, part 1**

Donatello turned to his family members with a wide smile on his beak. "Detta, mina vänner, är Gröna Lund! Himmelriket på jorden när det kommer till karuseller och berg-och-dalbanor och sånt. Vi kan ha kul hela dagen!" **(1)**

Mikey jumped up and down. "Oh, it's an amusement park! Can we stay for a while, Sensei? Can we can we can we?"

"Michelangelo, I really don't think this is the right time for–" He was interrupted by a familiar voice just around the corner.

"Where'd they go? Prince Albert, see if you can pick up the scent!"

"Oh shell." Leonardo knew that he had to come up with a plan quickly, since he was the perfect son and leader. "Here guys, take some balloons!" He ran up to a little girl selling balloons for charity, and grabbed a dozen of them. "Sorry, girl, you'll get them back."

The girl's eyes widened. "Men, herrn…" **(2)**

"No time to talk. Besides, I don't get what you're saying anyways." He handed out the balloons to his brothers and father, ignoring the almost-teary-eyed rightful owner. "Here, hold them so they cover your faces!"

The mutant family had barely put up the balloons in front of their faces before Shredder and his minions came into view. Saki wildly looked around. "They must be here somewhere!"

Foot Elite numbers 1, 2 and 3 split up along with Hun and they started searching through the little square they'd ended up at. Splinter and the turtles held their breaths as number 2 edged closer and closer, and he had just passed when –

"Lyssna herrn, jag vill inte bråka, men ge tillbaka ballongerna! Ni har inte betalat för dem!" **(3) **The little girl with(out) the balloons had started pulling on Leo's coat. He tried to fend her off without moving said balloons from his face, which proved to be easier said than done.

"Get off me!" he hissed, and glared at the girl. "I don't need this right now!"

"Ge tillbaka ballongerna!" **(4)**

Number 2 raised his eyebrows (although no one noticed, since most of his face was covered with that red fabric thingie) and slowly turned against them.

Now, as we all know, Raphael had always been pissed with Leo since said older brother had the leader position since, like, ever, so he decided to do something leader-ish and save the situation for one freakin' times sake. So he grabbed the little girl – and handed her over to Donny while hissing "Do somethin'! Do somethin' _now!_"

Don understood the body language, if not the words. He bent down and whispered: "Lyssna, raring, om du bara håller _tyst_ i några få minuter så ska du få glass! Vad sägs om det?" **(5)**

The girl's eyes widened. "Säkert?" **(6)**

Don nodded seriously. "Med _jordgubbssmak_." **(7)**

The girl seemed to go through an inner crisis. Donatello gave her his sweetest smile. "Snälla?" **(8)**

"Tja… okej då." **(9)** The girl held out her hand for him to shake. Don beamed and shook hands with her. "Avgjort." **(10)**

The girl backed away and stood behind Donnie silently.

Number 2 looked suspiciously from the girl to the group of people with their faces hidden by balloons. Fortunately, the Shredder wasn't known for hiring the sharpest tools in the box (even though they most often were a _lot_ sharper than himself). The Elite ninja shrugged and left. The mutant family let out a breath that they'd actually _known_ they'd held, to make a difference from all the times people let out breaths they _didn't_ known that they'd held.

"Shell, did it feel good to let out that breath," Mikey sighed. "I was suffocating."

"Then why did you hold it?" Leo asked and raised an eye ridge.

"Hey, you shouldn't talk, Fearless," Raph snorted. "You did the same. I can inform you that the colour of your face now matches your bandana."

Leo frowned and had no doubt an awesome remark ready, but unfortunately couldn't express it since he was interrupted by the little girl who was tugging on Donatello's coat. "Herrn? Jag vill ha min glass nu. Och jag vill ha tillbaka ballongerna också!" **(11)** Then she tilted her head to the left and scrutinized his face, as if she hadn't really looked at him before. "Varför är du grön i ansiktet?" **(12)**

"Varför jag är grön i ansiktet?" **(13)** Don looked confused, as if he wasn't sure of the answer himself. "Jag… öh… mår illa. För mycket glass. Kanske du inte heller borde äta glass, annars kan du bli lika grön som jag. Vad tycker du? Är du säker på att du vill ha glassen?" **(14)** He looked hopefully at the girl.

She frowned. "Självklart! Jag gillar glass. Och det ser jättetufft ut att vara så där grön!" **(15)** She smiled.

Donatello sighed. He'd thought he had a chance to get away there, but it messed up. Now what to do? He had no money. As he gathered up the balloons and gave them to the girl, he looked around warily… and suddenly spotted a familiar person on the other side of the square. "Ser du den tjocka gubben där borta?" **(16) **he said and pointed. "Gå till honom och säg att killen i rustningen vill att han skaffar glass åt dig." **(17)**

The girl smiled and nodded. "Det ska jag göra! Tack så mycket herrn!" **(18)** She skipped off.

"Now that that's over with, can we take a ride in the roller coaster? Please, Sensei?" Mike begged.

"Our first priority, Michelangelo, should be to take cover. The Shredder and his minions might be back any second," Master Splinter said.

Leo, as the teacher's pet he was, quickly nodded. "Master Splinter is right, Mikey. A true ninja doesn't go for a ride in a roller coaster, a true ninja takes cover. You really should show some respect for your Sensei and take your ninjitsu lessons more seriou–"

He was rudely interrupted by Raphael. "Hey, cut 'im some slack, kill-joy! Ya know, ya really should try ta get rid of that stick you've got up yer…"

"Raphael!"

"Sorry, Sensei."

Leo snickered and was smacked with Splinter's cane. "Leonardo, just because you're my favourite and perfect son doesn't mean you can laugh at your brother."

"But Sensei, he said I've got a stick up my arse…" Leo whined pathetically.

"No, I didn't," Raph said, not mentioning that that was what he'd _intended_ to say, even though he'd never gotten to that part. "Language, Leo," he smirked and high-three'ed Mikey as Leo blushed. A day where they got to embarrass Leo was a good day.

Master Splinter decided to ignore them all. "Now, let us blend in with the shadows."

Michelangelo tapped his shoulder. "Eh, Master? There are no shadows here for us to blend into."

"There aren't?" The mutated ninja master looked around, and sure enough, every square inch of the area seemed to have its own spotlight. (AN: This is probably not the case IRL, but it fits with the plot.) Splinter swore in Japanese (he would never use an English swearword so his sons heard it). Then he quickly found himself, as he realized he couldn't seem oblivious in front of his sons. "Of course there aren't. I was only testing you. So, what would our next step be? Any suggestions?"

Raph raised a hand.

Splinter pretended not to see him. "No one?" He secretly hoped that Leonardo would come up with a plan, since mentioned turtle always was perfect and his favourite son on top of that.

Raph raised his hand as high as he could. "I've got an idea, Sensei!"

Splinter continued to ignore him. "Leonardo?"

Leo now felt obligated to get some kind of idea. "Eh… maybe we could… uh…" – he scratched the back of his head. Raph started jumping up and down to get his father's attention – "… pretend to be… mascots?"

"Well done, Leonardo! I knew you could do it."

Raph lowered his hand, disappointed. "But Sensei, that was _my_ idea!"

Splinter turned to him sternly. "Raphael, do not attempt to take the honour from your brother. He has been thinking like a real ninja, and you have not."

Raph crossed his arms and made a mental note: _'Note to self: Put some laxative __in Sensei's tea and blame Leo._'

* * *

Meanwhile, Julia and number 4 (you didn't think I'd forgotten about them, now did you?) had made their way to the Ferris wheel for a romantic ten minutes to themselves. They sat down in one of the carriages and the wheel started moving. Julia leaned into number 4's embrace.

Now, I guess the most appropriate happenings would be these two lovebirds getting romantic and say sappy things to each other, but since I'm such a sucky romance writer, you have to imagine that part. Just pretend to press the fast forward button and jump over five minutes.

The couple was in the middle of a passionate kiss, as number 4 spotted something on the ground (which shows that he still had a lot to learn. I mean, who keep their eyes open during a passionate kiss? Ts ts ts). He got so surprised that he took a little jump backwards. Unfortunately, this made Julia lose her balance and tumble over the railing. But, since the author (AN: have you noticed that I sometimes refer to myself in first person and sometimes in third?) is feeling kind today, there will be no gory killing with blood splattering all over the place – plus, number 4 would never forgive said author if she wrote that. So Julia, former gymnast, managed to grab hold of one of the spokes of the Ferris wheel just before she met mentioned gory death.

"Julia!" number 4 gasped and leaned out, only to see his fiancée dangling 17,32 feet over the ground with her face paralyzed in a grimace of fear (or maybe excitement, or extreme happiness, or need to go to the ladies' room. I'm not sure and neither do I care). "Hold out, Julia! I'll save you!" He started climbing down to his darling, not bothering any more about what he'd seen on the ground, and what you'll get to know more about in the next paragraph.

* * *

Hun had looked for the turtles and Splinter but hadn't found anything, as the big failure he was. He had gotten thirteen hot dogs from a stand – he had no Swedish money, but had threatened the owner of the stand with offering protection and thus received the snacks anyways – and was eating the fourteenth as a small voice was heard from somewhere around his kneecaps.

"Öh, herrn? Hallå?" **(19)**

"Huh?" Hun looked down and saw the little girl with the balloons. "Hey, get away from me, kid. I don't like little girls with balloons." There was actually a story behind this, a story that went all the way back to Hun's tragic childhood, but there's no time for that now.

"Han med rustningen sa att du skulle köpa jordgubbsglass åt mig!" **(20)** the girl informed him. As Hun just stared at her quizzically, she pouted and started kicking his **shinbone** repeatedly. "Jag vill ha glass, jag vill ha glass, jag vill ha glass, jag vill ha glass…" **(21) **Hun tried to ignore her, but it was hard since she wouldn't stop kicking him.At last, he ran out of patience and he bent down, with some difficulty, since he wasn't used to such movements. He stared into her big blue eyes and snarled: "Listen, kid, if you don't piss off _at once _I will…"

"Här ska du få glass, gumman!" **(22)** a voice said and a big strawberry ice cream was pushed into the girl's hand. "Spring iväg och lek nu, okej?" **(23)**

The girl looked up at the woman who had been talking and beamed. "Tack så mycket, frun! Det ska jag göra!" **(24)** She ran off.

Hun stared at the woman standing before him – or, more exactly, before and a bit below him. Physically, that is, not in the social position way.

"_Karai?_ What the _heck_ are _you_ doing here?"

* * *

There you go, a nice long chapter, with a lot of Swedish. In fact, it's the longest chapter so far. Cool, eh? Maybe my way of apologizing for the long wait…

**1.** This, my friends, is Gröna Lund! Heaven on earth when it comes to merry-go-rounds and roller coasters and stuff. We could have fun all day!

**2.** But, sir…

**3.** Listen sir, I do not mean to make a fuss, but give me those balloons back! You haven't paid for them!

**4.** Give those balloons back!

**5.** Listen, sweetie, if you just be _quiet_ for a few minutes, you'll get ice cream! How 'bout that?

**6.** Really?

**7.** With _strawberry flavour_.

**8.** Please?

**9.** Well… okay then.

**10.** Deal.

**11.** Sir? I want my ice cream now. And I want my balloons back too!

**12.** Why is your face green?

**13.** Why my face is green?

**14.** I… eh… feel sick. Too much ice cream. Maybe you shouldn't eat ice cream either, or you might become as green as me. What do you think? Are you sure you want that ice cream?

**15.** Of course! I like ice cream. And it looks really cool being that green!

**16.** You see that fat man over there?

**17.** Go to him and say that the guy in the armour wants him to get ice cream for you.

**18** I will! Thanks a lot, sir!

**19.** Uh, sir? Hello?

**20.** He in the armour said you'd buy some ice cream for me!

**21.** I want ice cream, I want ice cream, I want ice cream, I want ice cream…

**22.** Here's some ice cream, sweetheart!

**23.** Run off and play now, all right?

**24.** Thanks a lot, ma'am! I will!


	18. Fun and games at Djurgården, part 2

Well, what do you know? First you don't get a life sign from me for six months, thus believing I shivered and died. Then, I surprise the shell out of you by posting two chapters in a row, just like that! (laughs evilly) Bwahahahahahahacoughcoughsputter

**I have something important to tell you as well.** In the beginning of the last chapter, I thanked **CrazyRabidPony** for some plot bunnies. I didn't realize my mistake until I read the reviews – it should've been _**RandomlyInsaneWhitePony**_instead! I thanked the wrong Pony! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!

A big thank you to **RealityBreakGirl** for helping me out with some language problems. Thanks Ally!

Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT (not even any merchandise!) or Gröna Lund, neither do I own Skansen. If I did, I'd install more sprinklers at the place. I was there in 1998 and almost _died_ from the heat.

**Chapter 18: Fun and games at Djurgården, part 2**

Karai raised a black, perfectly plucked eyebrow at Hun's question. "Mind your own business, you big oaf. Where's the Elite ninja?"

Hun scowled. "As if I'd tell _you_ that."

Normally, I'd refer to this as 'a love quarrel', but since I not even in my wildest imagination – and you should know that my imagination is quite extreme – could see a Karai/Hun relationship happen, I won't. (In fact, I find it more likely that Karai and Leo would get together, but that's beside the point.) Let's instead call it 'a fight between rivals'. (Rivals for the title of Goal Champion of the annual Foot Cup in soccer, that is. What did you think I meant? Rivals for Shredder's favour?)

Anyway, just as this fight between rivals started to become exciting and maybe even satisfy your sadistic needs for some violence, number 1, 2 and 3 showed up in three puffs of smoke. "Mistress Karai! There you are!"

"Darn right I am. This had better be good, I was in the middle of a therapy session. My psychiatrist says that if I work hard, I might be declared mentally stable in a few years."

"… Yeah. Anyway," started number 1, "the reason we called was that your father has freaked." (AN: No, I didn't tell you about that particular phone call. I'd like to say that I kept it from you on purpose, but the truth is that I didn't come up with the idea until now.)

"What, again?" Karai sighed and rolled her eyes. "What is it this time? Cucumber?"

"No."

"Lemon drops?"

"I wish."

"Wait, don't say it – lobsters."

"A guinea pig."

"…"

"Named Prince Albert."

"…"

"With a thing for the colour pink."

"… This is worse than I thought."

"Yes, Mistress."

Karai looked around. "Hey… where's number 4?"

"He found Love and ditched us, Mistress."

Karai's eyes widened. "He… _what?!_ Okay, that's it – there goes his Foot International Express card."

* * *

"Men Mäster Splinter, varför står vi här? Kan vi inte åka berg-och-dalbana? Du uppför dig jättekonstigt och jag fattar inte!" **(1)** Donny whined.

Raph growled. "Donny, for the last time – use the freakin' dictionary if ya wanna tell us somethin'!" He threw the dictionary and notebook complete with a pen and all at Don, who fumbled and dropped them. His brothers groaned.

"My sons! Try to look like mascots! We must leave the area without the Shredder noticing."

"Yes, Master."

Mikey raised a hand.

"Yes, Michelangelo?"

"How exactly does a mascot act, Master?"

Splinter frowned. "Well, I guess they are… jumping around… smiling at the children and ask them if they are having fun… or something."

Raph crossed his arms. "No offence, Sensei, but that doesn't sound very ninja-ish to me."

"Yeah well, we would blend in with the crowd, wouldn't we?" Leo said, agreeing with his Sensei as usual. "I think it is a great plan, Master." He bowed.

Raph sneered and Mikey patted his shoulder. Donatello started humming a lullaby to himself since he, as we all know, had turned from a genius into a village idiot in ten seconds flat and didn't understand a thing (AN: Not to say that all Swedes are village idiots. My uncle is an educating manger at a world-famous company and my cousin speaks five fluent languages, for example). "_När Trollmor har lagt de elva små trollen och bundit fast dem i svansen, så sjunger hon sakta för elva små trollen de vackraste ord hon känner…"_ **(2)** He was ignored by his family.

"But Master, what if the Shredder and his minions recognize us?" Mikey asked. "They'll barely go for it."

"In that case, we will make a tactical retreat."

"Works with me."

Leo picked up the dictionary and notebook complete with a pen and all. He started writing a message to his brother. After a long five minutes, he handed it over:

_Donatello, oss låtsades att vara maskots till gömma sig. __Göra som vi. Inte springande iväg_. **(3)**

Don raised an eye ridge. "Vet ni, ni behöver verkligen en kurs i grammatik."** (4)**

"ARGHHH!" Raph snatched the dictionary and notebook complete with a pen and all from Leonardo's grasp and pushed them into Donnie's hands. He pointed frenetically to them. "Write! _Write, darnit!_"

Don tilted his head, first to the left, then to the right and so to the left again. "Vänta lite… du vill att jag ska… skriva?" **(5)**

"Don't kill him, Raph," Leo said and prepared to restrain him together with Mikey. Their hot-headed brother had started panting in a very creepy way and looked as if he might have a stroke unless he got to strangle something within twenty seconds, or preferably faster. Leo, Mike and Splinter looked around for something that they could have Raphael beat the crap out of. They quickly decided on a stand with cotton candy, which seemed (temporarily) abandoned. They convinced themselves that the owner surely wouldn't miss it. As Leo said; "Cotton candy is overrated anyways." (Mikey didn't agree with him, but that's irrelevant.)

Splinter pointed to said stand. "Raphael, take out your anger on that stand over there."

Usually, Raph would've questioned the suggestion to destroy a stand selling cotton candy, but now he was so pissed off that he honestly didn't care. He rushed up the stand and started obliterating it while yelling obscene words that would've made Master Splinter ground him for a week, but the rat pretended not to hear. (AN: And I won't write those words here, in order to keep this story rated K+. My apologies for making you disappointed.)

"_Anyway,_" Splinter turned to Leo, Mike and Don, "we better go into our roles immedia– Donatello, what are you doing?"

Donnie had been furiously scribbling on a piece of paper, which he now turned over to his father. The oldest and youngest turtles both tried to read over the rat's shoulder and started pushing each other to get the best position, not thinking of the fact that Splinter actually had _two_ shoulders and that they therefore could read over one shoulder each. Stupid gits.

_I wants to going for ride on roller-coaster. Why lets you me not doing that?_

We can now note that Don shouldn't be the one talking about lousy grammar.

Splinter took the dictionary and notebook complete with a pen and all. "Leonardo, keep check on your brother as I write him a message."

Leonardo bowed to his Sensei and started staring at Don as his eyes narrowed. He also took a very pathetic pose that reminded of a very big hedgehog with very sharp teeth getting ready to pounce on a very small earthworm without any real teeth at all. The purple-clad turtle flinched, since he got the impression of being the very small earthworm without any real teeth at all being glared at by the very big hedgehog with very sharp teeth. "Hördu, det där ger mig en mycket obehaglig känsla. Lägg av!" **(6)**

His oldest brother frowned but didn't stop looking at him. Don took a step backwards. "Allvarligt talat, jag menar det. Du gör mig nervös. Sluta!" **(7) **Leo wouldn't do what he asked for. Don turned to his Sensei. "Mäster Splinter, Leonardo slutar inte stirra på mig! Säg åt honom!" **(8) **he whined. In that moment, his father stuck a note under his beak. He read, glad to be distracted from his older brother's freaky look.

_Donatello, oss måste gömma så Shredder hitta oss inte. Åka berg-och-dalbana annan tid!_ **(9)**

This time, Donny seemed to give the shell about the grammar. He pouted and looked to Splinter with the closest he could come to puppy-dog eyes (or maybe the Michelangelo Method) and said "Snäääääääääääällaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?" **(10)**

It was wasted on Splinter, however. The rat crossed his arms and looked at his second oldest with the universal expression of "The heck we will". Don's shoulders slumped. "Okej okej, då är vi väl maskotar då om det ska vara så himla nödvändigt." **(11) **He crossed his arms and kicked an empty soda can which barely missed Raphael's knee as the temperamental reptile came back from the cotton candy stand (that now looked like someone had dropped an atomic bomb on it). He was all smeared in cotton candy and Mikey tried not to laugh his shell off.

"You look like a snowman, but pink."

"Shut it, Mikey, othahwise I might have ta beat the crap outta you too."

Mikey held up his hands as if to say "Don't look at me, it was Leo's fault." The youngest turtle didn't stop smiling in a very suspicious way, though.

Don raised an eye ridge at his younger brother's appearance, but decided not to comment, maybe because of the fact that he had finally started to realize that he couldn't be understood by his family. (Or maybe not. Whatever, he can talk all the Swedish he likes, see if I care!)

"Now what, Sensei?" Raph asked, with Michelangelo giggling in the background.

Splinter sighed in a "do we really have to go through this again"-way. "Mascots, my sons. Mascots. Do you understand? I want you all to say it with me. What is our plan?"

"Mascots."

"Mascots."

"Mascots."

"Maskotar." **(12)**

Master Splinter exhaled. _'Finally, we're getting somewhere!'_

* * *

"Now, where did you last see our lunatic of a master?"

"Your father –" started number 3, but was interrupted by his Mistress.

"_Adoptive_ father. Don't forget that." Apparently, Karai wanted to make sure that everyone knew that even though she had been_ raised_ by the Shredder, she was in no way _related_ to him. Well, at least not biologically.

"Your _adoptive_ father was looking for the turtles and the rat together with Prince Albert… around here somewhere."

"'Around here somewhere'. You don't think you could be a little more precise?"

"No, Mistress."

"Great. Okay, spread out and search. The one that finds him will get an extra piece of cake next Friday when we're throwing a birthday party for all Foot soldiers born in December."

Elite guys number 1, 2 and 3 brightened and disappeared. Karai shook her head so her shining hair danced in the wind and her green eyes glittered. (Gee, I'm getting quite poetic now, don't you think? Nah, who am I kidding. I'm just satisfied with having brought Karai into the story so I'm writing some extra good things about her, even though she's never been my favourite character anyways, and I suck at writing serious stuff, so it only becomes pathetic in the end. I'm fully aware of the fact so you don't have to point it out… You know what? Just forget it and remember that this is placed in the parody genre.)

"So, where can my flipped out master have taken to? If I was him," – Karai frowned – "and followed a guinea pig around… On second thought, if I was a _guinea pig_, where would I go?" She tilted her head and thought.

And thought.

And thought.

At last, she sighed. "I seem to have problems getting into how a guinea pig thinks. I should meditate on the matter." She sat down on the spot – which was quite stupid considering she was at a place crowded with people – took the Lotus position, closed her eyes and started emptying her mind…

Half a minute later, Leonardo tripped over her.

* * *

So, what do you think? I'm not 100 per cent satisfied with this chapter myself, it doesn't seem that funny…

I hope you've understood by now that the grammar mistakes I put in the translations of the notes aren't the same in Swedish and English.

**1.** But Master Splinter, why are we standing here? Can't we go for a ride in the roller coaster? You're acting really weird and I don't get it!

**2.** _When Mother Troll has put the eleven little trolls to bed and tied them to her tail, she slowly sings to the eleven little trolls the loveliest words she knows…_ (AN: A famous Swedish lullaby, my own translation. Thus, expect it to be totally wrong. If a Swedish reader has a better suggestion on how to translate it, please don't hesitate to tell me.)

**3.** _Donatello, us pretended to being mascots to hiding us. Do as we. Not running away._

**4.** You know, you really need a grammar course.

**5.** Wait a sec… you want me to… write?

**6.** Listen, that gives me a very awkward feeling. Stop it!

**7.** Seriously, I mean it. You're making me nervous. Stop!

**8.** Master Splinter, Leonardo won't stop staring at me! Tell him off!

**9.** _Donatello, us must hides so Shredder find we not. Another time go roller-coaster!_

**10.** Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?

**11.** All right all right, let's be mascots then if it is so freaking necessary.

**12.** Mascots. (AN: Well, duh.)


	19. Fun and games at Djurgården, part 3

There is absolutely NO EXCUSES for this delay. Seriously, I don't know how to explain myself. You are in your full right to beat me on the head 'til I pass out, I wouldn't hold it against you. I can only sincerely ask for your forgiveness and hope that you will find it in your hearts not to despise me. Hm. I wonder if I even have any readers left that will bother to despise me by now?

You might wonder what made me finally get my lazy arse out of the wagon and finish this chapter. Well, it was actually a review from **t.m.f**, who asked me if I was ever gonna do anything about it. And since my intention _never_ has been to actually _not finish_ the story… I don't know why this review was so special. I mean, I've gotten other reviews dropping in every now and then, urging me to update. But there was something about this one that ninja-kicked me in the head and made me sit down and write the rest of the chapter. t.m.f, your review was anonymous and you didn't leave your e-mail address, so I'm thanking you here. _Thanks_. :)

This chapter is dedicated to **RandomlyInsaneWhitePony**, for the plot bunnies she provided me with and for being generally awesome. :)

Disclaimer: I borrowed TMNT from Mirage, the Gummi Bears from Walt Disney Pictures, _Life, the Universe and Everything_ and its characters from Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001, R.I.P.) and Oscar Frankenschnizzel from above mentioned Pony. Thanks for letting me use him!

**Chapter 19:**** Fun and games at Djurgården, part 3**

Leonardo quickly raised and turned around, since his ninja instincts told him tripping over ladies wasn't very honourable. "Please forgive me, ma'am. I didn't mean to disturb you in your – _Karai?!"_

Karai opened an eye, then shut it again. "Please don't talk to me, Mascot. It might not seem that way to you, but I am actually quite busy – wait, how do you know my name?"

Leo bit his green lip. He didn't know whether to stay in character, or rip off the costume (in other words, abandon the silly, childish movement pattern he'd taken on when first starting the mascot act, and go back to being a cool ninja) and engage Karai in a battle of life and death. _'What would Master Splinter do?' _he asked himself, and predictably enough came to the wrong conclusion.

"Karai! It is I, Leonardo, and I'm here to engage you in a battle of life and death!" He drew his swords and waved them around in some typical ninja-ish way that probably would've looked very intimidating and cool to someone else, but not to Karai since she already knew what an obsessive git he really was. She wasn't prepared for his unexpected presence, though.

Karai's eyes widened. "Leonardo?! How did you get here?" She quickly found herself, however. _'Heck, I don't want a fight, at least not here and now. Time for some female smarts.'_

She clasped her hands, tilted her head, pouted and looked up at him under long black eyelashes. "But Leonardo, surely you cannot mean that? I thought we were friends. You can't do this to me. I was even going to give you a Christmas present!" This was actually true. The fact that mentioned present was an envelope containing a Christmas card with the text "So long, suckers" and enough anthrax bacteria to wipe out the whole mutant family, their friends, and possible future generations, she decided not to bring up though.

Leo slowly lowered his katanas. He wasn't sure he could trust this woman. "Really now?"

"Yes, it's true! Tell me, would I ever lie to you? Would my honour allow me?"

Leo raised an eye ridge.

"… don't answer that."

"Hrmf," Leonardo uttered, and obliged her by not answering that.

* * *

Hun had been standing in place for a long, long time, pondering over Life, the Universe and Everything, especially on whether or not Marvin would ever cheer up and get a nice little robot friend to hang out with, or maybe a mattress called Zem. As he finished his last hot dog (Hun, since neither robots nor mattresses eat hot dogs), his nose suddenly started tickling. Before he knew it, he started sneezing like shell. But it wasn't just any kind of sneeze attack – he sneezed to the Gummi Bears theme song!

The people around suddenly stopped what they were doing – walking, talking, eating, breathing and so forth – and just stared at him. Suddenly, a woman who looked about 49 and a half started singing. "_Snälla och rara, helt underbara, och deras saga berättas igen…_" **(1) **She grabbed the hand of a ten-year-old boy and looked at him encouragingly. Since he wasn't that stupid, and the Gummi Bears still was aired on Swedish television, he was on. "_Hörs deras sånger som förr många gånger, djupt in i skogen där lever dom än…_" **(2)**

Hun looked around, shocked, as more and more people joined the group of singing and dancing Swedes. He couldn't believe it. The last time he sneezed the Gummi Bears theme song, it was way back, during his years as a boy scout. His long-lost Boy Scout buddy, Oscar Frankenschnizzel, always managed to make him sneeze in tune of the silly song whenever he was around.

"_Hipp hurra, för här kommer Bumbibjörnarna, studsar fram igenom sagorna, och vi får följa med!_" **(3)**

Hun caught himself squeezing out a tear, even as he kept sneezing. He found himself missing his old friend, which he hadn't thought of in years. Why hadn't he ever sought him out? Had a beer with him maybe? (Oh, no, wait, rather a strawberry milkshake – they both had been active in the Boy-Scouts-Against-Alcohol-Since-That-Stuff-Makes-People-Do-Stupid-Things-Like-Believing-In-Pink-Aliens-And-Mutated-Turtles-And-Rats club. The good ol' times, eh? If only you could have them back.)

"_Bumbibärssaften, den magiska kraften, och visst blir man stark, när man dricker utav den…"_ **(4)**

Gone to the bowling hall together? (Nah, that's not a good idea either – Oscar had a tendency to bruise easily. They had discovered this last time they went bowling, and Hun accidentally dropped a bowling ball from his index finger, where he'd been balancing it, and hit Oscar's foot, which broke.) Heck, even sending a post card would've worked! (Or not. Hun got paper cuts at least seven times a day – even the days he _didn't_ interact with any paper products. Him trying to write a post card would be disastrous for sure.)

"_Ondska och törnar, de klara små björnar, dom kämpar, och godheten segrar igen…" _**(5)**

In some weird – or quite impressive, depending on taste – way, Hun managed to growl, whine and sob at the same time as he was sneezing. He really missed his pal.

"Hun?"

Hun almost choked on the sneeze he was half-way into as he turned around.

'_It can't be…'_

But it was.

There, right in front of his eyes, stood his long-lost Boy Scout buddy, Oscar Frankenschnizzel!

"_Hipp hurra, för här kommer Bumbibjörnarna, studsar fram igenom sagorna, och vi får följa med!" _**(6)**

"Oscar?"

"_Och vi får följa med!"_ **(7)**

This day's visitors of Gröna Lund were now provided with a scene that seemed to come right out of a very moving movie (try saying that quickly tree times. Very moving movie very moving movie very moving movie!). What they saw was a gigantic, huge, humongous man with a platina blond pony tail, a scar on his cheek and a funny tattoo (which sounds like a splendid signalment if you wanted to report him to the cops), running to meet a much smaller and thinner man with piercing blue eyes, black hair in braids, a green fur jacket and Doc Martens boots (which isn't a bad signalment either. Let's face it – if these guys decided to rob a bank together, they wouldn't get very far).

With a sound like when a stick hits a sack of bricks, the two friends met. Hun lifted up his mate and hugged him, whereupon he nearly lost him again by squeezing him into guacamole.

"Oscar, buddy! I missed you so much!" he sobbed.

Oscar croaked something probably in the same style, while his face slowly turned blue from lack of air – his nose and mouth were both covered in the crook of Hun's arm. Fortunately, Hun discovered his friend's predicament before he suffocated and let go of him. "Oh, sorry bud. Are you all right?"

Oscar Frankenschnizzel nodded weakly while gasping for air. "So…" (phew) "… what have you been up to?"

"Me? Oh, I joined the Shredder after school. He's an evil overlord and I'm his combined bodyguard and confidant. Nothing much. What about you?"

"Well, I'm running my own business," Oscar stated proudly. "Frankenschizzel's Plumber Rats Corporation, F.P.."

"Okay, sounds great… What exactly do you do?" Hun frowned.

"Well, plumbing has to do with pipes, right?" Hun nodded and Oscar continued. "And sometimes, those pipes are really tight, right?" Hun nodded again. "Actually they can be so tight that it's hard to reach in with tools and stuff. And that's where's the rats get into the picture."

"Is it?"

"Yes! Because rats are small, so small that they can run through the pipes. You can train them to it with cheese. Plus, they're used to dirt anyway, so they don't take offence. Lots of money in that."

A few people standing nearby who had been eavesdropping rotated their index finger beside their heads.

* * *

Stefan had met up with some friends he had in Stockholm; Cilla, Mårten and Jonas. He was strongly determined on having a fun and relaxing day together with them at Gröna Lund. When they had questioned him about his worn looks, he had only told them that there had been some, uh, _demanding_ passengers on the boat.

"Vad menar du med krävande?" **(8)** Mårten had asked.

"Jag vill helst inte prata om det," **(9)** Stefan had answered him with a dark look. And his understanding (?) friends had gotten the hint and dropped the subject.

Now Cilla handed out ice cream for everybody. (As a matter of fact they preferred cotton candy, but that stand had been trashed for some reason.) "Här har ni, killar! Blåbär till Jonas, jordgubb till Stefan, pistasch till Mårten… och en tredubbel bamseglass med _allting_ på till mig." **(10)**

Mårten raised an eyebrow but refrained from asking whether or not Cilla was on her period, which probably was smart – it might have earned him a black eye.

As the four friends strolled past the merry-go-rounds, candy stands and crying children, Stefan felt the calmness return. He happily licked his strawberry ice cream and savoured the normalcy around him. No overgrown rats. No karate frogs. No megalomaniacs in pointy armour. Ah.

Then they rounded a corner and spotted Leonardo and Karai, who had decided on a compromise and were now trying to settle things once and for all with a Thumb War. They were surrounded by at least seventy people who stood in a circle around them yelling: "BRÅK! BRÅK! BRÅK! BRÅK! BRÅK! BRÅK!" **(11)**

"Vad i…?" **(12)** Mårten started, but was cut off by Jonas.

"Stefan? Hallå, Stefan, mår du bra? Vakna! Cilla, Mårten, Stefan har svimmat!" **(13)**

* * *

All credit for the Hun-sneezing-a-children's-show-theme-song-and-meeting-up-with-an-old-friend thing goes to Pony. She thought it all up; I just filled it out a bit. :)

If you'd like to listen to the Swedish version of the Gummi Bears theme, here's the link: http : / / www . youtube . com / watch? V = caxZfX0jt -w

**1. – 7.** Swedish Gummi Bears lyrics. Sorry, I don't have the energy to translate. If some Swedish-speaking person would like to give it a try, please feel free to go ahead!

**8.** What do you mean by demanding?

**9.** I'd rather not talk about it.

**10.** Here you go, guys! Blueberry for Jonas, strawberry for Stefan, pistachio for Mårten… and a triple sundae with _everything_ on it for me. (This is not a literal translation, sorry. The word "sundae" confused me, 'cause we don't really have such a word over here. But it doesn't matter.)

**11.** FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

**12.** What the…?

**13****. **Stefan? Hello, Stefan, are you okay? Wake up! Cilla, Mårten, Stefan has passed out!


	20. Fun and games at Djurgården, part 4

*pussyfooting in*

Apparently, you shouldn't take my word for it when I say "I'll update soon". Hm. Thing is, I didn't really know what to do with the story, so I decided to put it aside for a while and see if I could come up with some new ideas later. Then I sort, of, eh, forgot about it. Yeah. Please don't kill me?

Also, a quick note; I regularly get reviews pointing out to me that Raphael is the older brother of Donatello, and not the other way around. Well, I have always known that there are different opinions on this matter. Most people think that Raph is the elder one, others that Donnie is. (I've even heard that one of the creators – can't remember whether it was Kevin Eastman or Peter Laird – has said that Don is older, but it might just be a rumour.) Nowadays, I imagine Raphael as the older, but as I began writing this story, I thought Don was. That's why he's being portrayed as such in the fic. So yeah, I've heard your opinions, and I accept what you say, but shell if I have the energy to go back and change things now. Thank you.

Disclaimer: Is this part even necessary anymore?

**Chapter 20: Fun and games at Djurgården, part 4**

"A-HA! Victory is mine!" Leonardo shouted, having _finally_ beaten Karai at Thumb War. ("Ha! I won!" "Best out of three!" "Shell, no." "What, you don't dare? Are you chickening out?" "Of course not. Best out of three it is… Ha! I won again! Bow down to my superiority!" "Best out of five!"… and so on.)

Karai glared and her fingers twitched, dangerously close to the hilt of her sword. She decided however, in an uncharacteristic moment of altruism, not to traumatize the present children by drawing her blade and chopping off the head of what, to said children, obviously was a mascot. "Just you wait, Leonardo," she hissed through clenched teeth, not sounding very threatening at all. "Just you wait."

The turtle was jumping around in a victory dance, getting his bandana tails in his eyes and generally being a nuisance. "Victory! Victory!"

"Yeah, yeah," Karai grumbled, "rub it in, why don't you?" Then she stormed off, muttering words under her breath that, had she been fifteen years younger, would've made the Shredder wash her mouth with soap. (Nowadays, Shredder didn't really care whether or not Karai swore or not, reckoning that there were worse things she could spend her time with, like for example white-water rafting or telemarketing. Little did he know that she was doing those things anyway.)

Leonardo didn't even notice her disappearance – he was busy bowing, shaking people's hands and writing autographs. Darn narcissist.

* * *

Where was Shredder during all of this? Well, he, Prince Albert, and Foot Elite 1, 2 and 3 had decided to pull a TMNT and climbed down a manhole. Well, actually, the guinea pig had started sniffing the manhole lid and Saki had come to the brilliant conclusion that the mutants must've gone down there. The Elite very much doubted that, but followed anyway. Now they were wading through the dirty water, cringing every time it splashed up in their faces. The Shredder had picked up his beloved pet so he wouldn't drown and was cradling him in his arms.

"Boss, are you sure the mutants are down here?" number 3 asked with a grimace, after a particularly big group of drops made acquaintance with his skin. "I mean, we haven't seen a trace of them and we haven't heard anything either."

"Yeah, exactly," number 1 spoke up. "We're in the sewers. If there was somebody else down here, we'd hear the echo."

"Can't we go back up and try to pick up the trace again?" number 2 asked. Usually, they wouldn't stand up to the Shredder like this, but after what they had been going through the past few days, can you blame them?

The alien huffed. "If Prince Albert says they're here, then they _are_ here," he insisted, and turned to the guinea pig. "Am I right, Prince Albert?"

Prince Albert squeaked.

"See? He's with me. And Prince Albert is always right."

The three Elites looked at each other with identical grimaces, which couldn't be seen beneath the red cloth they'd wrapped over their faces but in any case meant: '_Remember that day we declined joining the Workers' Union? Yeah? Well, I guess we can all agree that wasn't one of our best moments.'_

They simultaneously closed their eyes in resigned despair as the evil overlord they had the misfortune to call their boss lifted the guinea pig and nuzzled it with his nose.

* * *

After number 4's successful rescue of Julia, they decided on a tour in the love tunnel. They sat down in a pink, swan-shaped boat and took off into the rose-scented, pinkish darkness.

Mistake. (Or even "big,_ huge_ mistake," as I would've put it if I were Julia Roberts and this was the _Pretty Woman_ movie.)

You see, for the sake of the romantic atmosphere, the manager had filled the love tunnel with rose perfume. And as it turned out, number 4 was _allergic to roses_. Not three minutes after the happy couple had entered the tunnel of love, the people outside saw a young woman splashing her way out again carrying a shape over her shoulders in an unfittingly masculine fireman's carry; a shape wrapped in black and red cloth, making wheezing noises, and wearing a silly hat.

Julia put number 4 down on a bench and began doing CPR – or, more accurately for the occasion, the "kiss of life" (mind the word _kiss_). Most usually, this would be a good thing. But since number 4, as a matter of fact, already _was_ breathing (if so in a very gasping and annoying way) her actions did more hinder than help. The Elite Ninja helplessly tried to shove away his fiancée and get some air. "Ju-hu–" (gasp) "hu-lih-a-" (wheeze) "-would you ple-hease–" (gasp gasp) "-stop it!"

As soon as Julia realized what number 4 had said, she abruptly stopped breathing down his throat and sat back. "What?" Her forehead was marred by a frown, which started to deepen. "_What?_ You don't want me to kiss you?"

The red eyes of number 4 widened, and if he wasn't halfway suffocated, he undoubtedly would've come up with some sappy comment to save the situation. But since he was, he remained silent (if you define "silent" as not giving away any actual words), and Julia's eyes filled up with tears.

"You don't want me to kiss you. You don't want to be with me anymore," she said in a quivering voice. Then the rage entered the picture, and she hastily rose from the bench, her face wrinkled like a bloodhound and the eyes those of a rabid hamster. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"

Number 4 tried to get up, but still felt all wobbly and fell on his face as the love of his life stormed off.

* * *

Eager to let his master know about the presence of (and, the defeat of) Karai, Leonardo met up with his family just outside a ride called "the blue train". Finding them hadn't been difficult; the mutant family, whether pretending to be mascots or not, had a tendency to draw attention to themselves. (Which only further proves the fact that the Shredder is a complete idiot - how could he _possibly_ fail to notice three giant turtles and one giant rat making a huge scene by doing the Macarena in tandem whilst whistling Mendelssohn's wedding march with french fries up their nostrils?)

"Sensei, sensei!" the oldest turtle called out as he approached. "We're not alone!"

"No, really?" Raphael stopped in the middle of the part with "a boy named Nicorino". He glared at Leo and continued: "We're at a friggin' _amusement park_ in the _weekend_ with people _surroundin' us _from _all sides_, an' ya say _we're not alone_? Sheesh, ya could take over Donnie's role as the brainiac of the family…" He threw a quick look at Donatello, who was trying to balance a french fry on his nose – or whatever worked as his nose, since the turtles didn't really have _noses_, noses. "Then again, I guess most people could fill in fer 'im nowadays."

"Be silent, Raphael," snapped Master Splinter. "Leonardo, what is the matter? Speak quickly!"

Leonardo, being the teacher's pet he was, spoke quickly. "I-was-scouting-the-perimeters-and-then-I-ran-into-Karai-and-we-fought-a-battle-to-the-death-and-I-thanks-to-your-profound-teachings-which-I-will-always-be-grateful-for-was-victorious!"

Silence.

Mikey spoke first. "Huh?" (If Don had been his old, English-understanding self, he would've muttered: "Yeah, that's eloquent." But since he wasn't, he didn't. And anyway, if he had been, none of them would be in this situation in the first place, so there's no use blabbing away about it. Eh… I'll shut up now.)

"My son, I fail to see the point of your previous utterance," Splinter said. Leo took a deep breath and responded: "I was scouting the perimeters and then I ran into Karai and we fought a battle to the death and I, thanks to your profound teachings which I will always be grateful for, was victorious!"

The rat beamed. "Well done, Leonardo! Though I am not surprised – you are, after all, my best and most favourite son. I am certain that none of your brothers would have been able to achieve such a spectacular victory as yours."

Raphael and Michelangelo were, behind the rat's back, giving each other identical looks of exhaustion, drabness, despair and resignation. They were just about to interrupt their father's praising their big brother, when someone else beat them to the interruption part.

"Mäster Splinter! Mäster Splinter! Kolla vad jag kan göra!" **(1) **This caught the attention of the purple-clad turtle's family (which had been his intention from the start) and they turned to look at him. He was now balancing ten french fries on top of one another on his nose.

For a few moments, no one knew what to say. Donatello took this as approval and admiration. "Ja, jag vet. Är det inte otroligt? Jag är faktiskt imponerad själv." **(2)**

Michelangelo spoke up first. "Sensei?"

"Yes, my son?"

"Why don't we just leave him here and go home?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Karai had searched for, and found, Hun. Not her favourite of the Shredder's minions, but he had to do. (She would've preferred the Elite Ninjas, but as we know they were with the Shredder.) "Hun!"

The idiot size XXXXXXXXXL looked up from the game of noughts and crosses he'd been playing with his friend Oscar Frankenschnizzel. "Mistress Karai!"

"The one and only. Come with me, we have work to do."

If Hun wasn't losing spectacularly, he would've protested, but as Oscar was kicking his ass he really didn't mind. "Sure… but only if my friend Oscar can join us. Mistress, this is Oscar Frankenschnizzel. Oscar, this is Mistress Oroku Karai."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, my lady," said Oscar with a dazzling smile and as Karai offered her right hand – for a handshake, not in marriage – he bent down and kissed it. Hun mentally slapped himself in the face with a groan. _'Darn it, he's dead. And I just found him again!'_

But he was mistaken. As Oscar's lips made long contact with Karai's hand, she didn't slap him, scream at him, or, even more likely, chop his head off. Instead, she started blushing behind her other hand, which she had lifted up to hide the lower half of her face. "Oh, likewise," she giggled.

Hun's eyes boggled out, and he was just about to say something – _anything_ – to break the sudden tension in the air, when he was saved the trouble by a metallic sound and Karai quickly falling down a just recently appeared hole in the ground with a shriek. "EEEIIIK!"

Hun and Oscar called out to her at the same time: "Mistress!" and "My lovely lady!" respectively. They were answered by several pronouncements from below: "The heck?", "Mistress Karai? Where did you come from?", "From above, asshole", "Prince Albert! Are you okay?", "Squeak", and "Ouch" being some of the more ones.

I guess I do not need to inform you whom Karai had literally bumped into.

* * *

**1.** Master Splinter! Master Splinter! Look what I can do!

**2.** Yes, I know. Isn't it amazing? I'm actually impressed myself.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)


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